People are talking about me all the time.

J

jbpu

Member
Hello everyone. My name is Jim and I'm new to this forum. I don't know why but everytime I go to public places, I always hear people calling me gay or homo all the time. I am not gay myself and I'm straight. I am diagnosed as having Schizophrenia by my psychiatrist. I really don't know why, but I always think that people are talking about me and calling me gay for no reason at all. That's why I avoid public places as much as I can. I have incidents before where I have confronted people verbally and shouted at them why are they talking about me. And after that, I have to apologise because they have said that they are not talking about me at all. I'm also suffering from depression because of my current condition. My psychologist before told me that I'm hyper-vigilant about the gay word and thinking that people are talking about me all the time. But my parents and friends think that I am just too shy towards people and I am not sick at all, they said I just need to get used to public places and expose myself. Easier said than done, going to public places is a big challenge for me. Any help would be appreciated. By the way, I go to the shops if I have to buy something,other than that, I stay home all the time. But I do challenge myself sometimes to go public places, if I'm motivated enough,and then trying to ignore the voices(the Gay word) that I hear from people. And finally, do you really think that people are talking about me and calling me gay or I'm I just too hyper-vigilant? Any help would be appreciated. Thanks.
 
I

ImNotMyIllness

Well-known member
Maybe you grew up in an environment where being gay was shameful. But, people now are very accepting of gay people. No one wants to be viewed as homophobic. Gay is not an insult!
It's all in your head!
 
I

ImNotMyIllness

Well-known member
No problem. Welcome to the forum. Did your Psychiatrist prescribe any medication for you? I would follow a doctor's advice over family and friends. The latter tend not to be objective and may not want to admit that you have a serious mental illness.
 
J

jbpu

Member
Yes. My doctor prescribe some meds for me to take. My family and friends said that I am not sick at all, is because they know me better than the doctor itself. But I am open to the doctor too.
 
Lamb

Lamb

Well-known member
I don't suffer from schizophrenia but there is some heightened paranoia that occurs whenever I go out. Thinking I'm being made fun of, laughed at over a specific trait. Do you think there's a certain reason why you feel so strongly towards that word?
Majority of the time people are not placing a magnifying glass over me, I realize it's just my insecurities. They're busy focusing on being in the moment, getting to where they need to go or conversing with friends. Listening to music helps me to not focus so much on trying to make out words or interpret giggles when I go out.
 
Srijita52

Srijita52

Well-known member
^Agreed. Do you have had any bad experience with the word? Or maybe its related to some insecurity you have about yourself? I'm sorry you're going through this. Maybe you can trying taking the meds your doctor prescribed, they can help as well.
 
J

jbpu

Member
I think its because when I was younger, a gay person touched my private parts when I was in the pool. I only found out from my friends that he has a partner and that he's gay. I thought at first he was playing with the water and next thing you know he's touching me, after that I swam out of the pool. Another one is my cousin asked me if I was gay, and I said no. He asked around 3 times, but never asked him how come he's asking me that question.
 
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I

ImNotMyIllness

Well-known member
I think getting another opinion from a new Psychiatrist would be a good idea. It's possible that you're just very paranoid, which has its roots from your childhood swimming pool incident. You may feel very violated and ashamed. That would be understandable. Your cousin asking you about your orientation would only worsen the obsession. This kind of sounds like HOCD. :question:

Try to go out and not worry about it. Go for a quick errand and build up from there.
 
Kiwong

Kiwong

Well-known member
In Australia there are still those that are virulently homophobic. I was homophobically teased at high school, even though I'm not gay, it was very damaging to me. Because I was afraid of people I never had boyfriends or girlfriends. So my brother and sisters asked if I was gay. It was hurtful, and I was persecuted by the bullies at school because of it.

I think you need to practise testing irrational assumptions. To find a way to test if people are really saying these things about you, and if they are whether you need to repsect the opinions of those saying it. .
 
Srijita52

Srijita52

Well-known member
ImNotMyIllness said:
I think getting another opinion from a new Psychiatrist would be a good idea. It's possible that you're just very paranoid, which has its roots from your childhood swimming pool incident. You may feel very violated and ashamed. That would be understandable. Your cousin asking you about your orientation would only worsen the obsession. This kind of sounds like HOCD. :question:

Try to go out and not worry about it. Go for a quick errand and build up from there.
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I agree. Have you considered talking with your therapist about this incident? that is if you feel comfortable enough.
 
Kiwong

Kiwong

Well-known member
If there is someone you know that you think was talking to you. Go up to them ask in a friendly way What were you just talking about?
 
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