paranoid about looks, feeling suffocated from people

[lilcharlie]

long post because i'm going crazy: hi i don't think i have the complete tendencies of social phobia, although i do think i may have a mild case of it. maybe you can explain or enlighten me. i think it runs in my family. my sibling had an extreme case of it, to the point, she wouldn't go out in public. i have taught my pet not to stare at me, and he has learned not to. i really could not stand it my pet would just sit and stare at me. my sibling couldn't stand being stared or even looked at from an early age, and would sit in the living room with a paper bag over her head, with two cut out holes for her eyes to see through. i feel the same way sometimes. i used to be unemployed and the isolation, being at home, and away from people, didn't bother me too much. when i get "too much company" from people, i feel so suffocated, and can't stand it anymore, and like to be alone, or just alone in my room. i have called in sick from work, taken days off from work, because "i need to get away from people." here are my pet peeves. lately, i have been getting paranoid about my looks. i need to premise this, as it could easily be interpreted the wrong way, like i am conceited, full of myself, etc, which i am not. because if i was, there would be no need to write this post in this kind of forum. i have stayed home, avoided social situations, called in sick for work, because i can't stand people with anything having to do with my looks, they will look, stare, comment on my look, the way i dress, my hair, ask me questions (in regard to my looks), etc. (like there is no other news going on like they have nothing else to talk about) (i do not dress a certain type of look like goth, nor do i dress outlandish.) i can not go through one day without hearing something about my looks like five times in the day. i cringe when people compliment me. random, and unrandom guys and old men i have no interest in hit on me, and i am not one to be rude, so i just go kind of crazy because i don't know what to do. guys ask me over and over on invitations, i am not interested, but i don't say anything because it's hard for me to say no, and i don't like to be rude. therefore, i just like to be alone in my room. you must think i'm someone smoking hot, haha, i'm not, i just gather a lot girls deal with this, and they know how to handle it, and i don't. i don't even like guys, i don't think. (that's another story) i am not even attracted to good looking guys. so i got so tired of people talking looking staring commenting on my looks, i started to deliberately dress real shitty. and then they still got something to talk about. there was a time a handful of guys just ask me over and over to do things with them, nonstop, they are not cute haha that's besides the point, i could not take it anymore, and part of the reason i picked up on smoking due to the stress of feeling suffocated. i have since stopped smoking. i know this is stupid because there are bigger problems in this world but sometimes i think i'm going nuts, and i really really really wish people would just be quiet. i've started wearing hats and hoods in order to hide. maybe i'm going nuts because i have a mild social phobia? i cannot stand the attention. i am nice to some girls but they are rude to me when we don't even know each other, so i just said screw it. i am taking dance class and i told someone i couldn't dance and he said, i thought you could, then he said do guys hit on you. anything that has to do with my looks makes me paranoid, and i get tired of people in regards to this. i just want to be invisible. i wouldn't mind dressing decent but i just get way too much attention i can't stand it. i don't feel like "uglying down" just so people wouldn't talk about me. if you are wondering what i look like, i don't think i'm butt ugly, i don't think i'm beautful, i think i look ok/decent; on good days i might look ok/good. i've been told i'm attractive from perverted men old men as well as very few hot guys. a few people have thought i model/ go into modeling. personally i think that's a bit funny or conceited to say, but whatever, we don't know each other here. i certainly have my ugly days. really personally i feel like i look like your normal average girl, nothing unusual. really. i think i am going nuts. or i have some case/ mild case of social phobia? there's this old man, he flirts with me in "harmless, dirty old man" kind of fashion. i can't stand it anymore, but i won't say anything. what i utterly can't stand is from some people, some older men i know, girls, random people in public, just stare at you like it's nobody's business, now that really drives me crazy. i can't walk down a street without getting comments from people, hey you wanna do lunch sometime, etc. mind you 99.99% of guys i'm talking in this paragraph are old men, random/crazy people in the street, normal guys from day to day life i know that i'm not interested in, maybe just .01% of them is cute haha. i seem to have better experience w/ good looking people because they probably look good and get attention that these category of people just leave me the hell alone. there are a few hot guys that contact/ flirt w/ me, that's about it, the rest are.. i might sound shallow totally into looks, i'm not. i'd just like to be friends with guys, but i have gotten so paranoid of that, all the guy friends just end up wanting to jump your bones sooner or later. i even began telling guys i'm a lesbian so they would leave me alone. sometimes i crave the weekends because i can be alone, or home alone, and not have to be around absolutely anyone. once i went to a restaurant and started eating and the waiter just starts talking to me, i am not rude, i talk back politely. owner of the restaurant goes and tells people i know that i am trying to hit on those guys, therefore people i know think i'm trying to slut around. there were days here it was really hot into the 80s and 90s degrees, i wore a tank top (god forbid), and people told me if i don't want attention, i shouldn't dress like a skank. there are countless girls out there that totally dress up, or dress really skanky. i'm sure they garner attention, but i hate it how i do not act nor dress like a hoe, but people make it out to be. or maybe it's just all in my head. anyone out there remotely can relate to this really wierd post? the only people i can think of that can relate to this is people in the social phobia forum ?? how the heck do you guys deal with people and your looks day in and out? for a while, i try to be polite, say thanks, ignore it, but it secretly drives me nuts. i do not live in a nunnery or anything, i live in a modern metropolitan city. maybe i am guilty partly because i come across nice not rude, friendly, inviting, i can't/ or have a hard time saying no. but even then, comments would still fly my way. there was a period of time i wasn't getting any comments from people. i had to dress really shitty for a long time, and i don't feel i need to do that just in order to not go crazy.

 

[AsHLeY]

Wow, that's one looong paragraph!!
So, to sum it up, your main points are that you're an average-looking girl that dislikes "pervert" attention from very forward, older men...but seems to get a lot of it. You have a hard time saying "no" because you presume the men will view you as rude or you'll feel as though you're being disrespectful to your elders in showing zero interest?
Why do you care so much if you come across as rude to these "dirty, old men," as you put it? When you just "try to be polite, ignore it, say thanks, don't say anything" to these men when they flirt with you or ask you out, that's kind of the wrong signal to send, don't ya think?
Why don't you try telling them straight-out that you're not interested? They most likely don't realize that their attention towards you is unwanted. What always seems to work is telling a guy that you're seeing someone already, if you're THAT worried about being rude.
And hey, it could be worse ~ they could be calling you names or something that damages the self-esteem, so if this is your biggest problem in life, you're doing pretty damn good.

 

[miss_amy]

I don't think its personal, its what men do. You don't need to dress like a hoe to get attention from men. I've had many a beep and a stare from men walking along the street in my jeans and winter coat. Also its not always a negative thing. Most guys are harmless and mean no malace..Theres always the dirty old git who takes it too far, just ignore or if its a constant attenton or say you are not interested. One thing I have worked out is that men are not very good at taking hints, they need it saying in black and white.

 

[lilcharlie]

thanks

hi thanks. yea some of these ppl are your "older guy likes younger girl scenario." some of these guys wants to be "friends." but i've learned that most guys, or 99.999999999% of guys that wants to be friends, sooner or later wants to get in your pants. ever since i got this one dam haircut, people can't seem to stop talking about it. they always asking me if i cut my hair, i get asked that a billion times a month, or if i dyed my hair, bla bla bla BLA BLA. i go to see my buddies, and everyone talks about my hair. my hair's been this way for 1-2 years. whatever. lol i give up. i think another reason i get all wierd is because growing up, my dad would glare at me for the stupidest changes i do to my looks, and that annoyed the hell out of me. and he would talk shit to me all day about the dumbest things about my looks. like why you wearing that bla bla bla. and it wasn't even that bad, it was lycra pants lol. he didn't like it because it was tight. once i had a pixie cut i think i might've looked like a boy, so less comments. maybe i oughtta shave my head. nevermind. anyhow, thanks. i think i feel more better about unloading that. ? i guess the world will say what they wanna say, i guess i'll do whatever i feel like it to my looks, and let everything roll in one ear and out the other. and be more direct with guys. once a guy asked me to dinner, i said i was busy, he said, it's just casual dinner, god, no big deal. that's what they all say to me lol. so i went. i just play the lesbian card, and this guy still wants to have sex despite that. whatever. when i look back and read this, i will probably just laugh and think it's dumb. thanks guys.

 

[dottie]

Re: thanks

i relate with the unwanted attention from males. like you, it's not that i am hot... rather just that i am female. it's like all the creepy wierdos talk to you just because your female. the other day i was in scrubs standing in line at the grocery store. looked like crap. this guy was getting in line behind me and then this creep cut right in front of him and stood a little close to me. i pretended not to notice. well, of course he has to talk to me. he goes, "hey what are you doing tonight?" *cringe* "gonna hang with yo g's?" i'm like, "CHEESE?" because i couldn't make out what he said and i thought he was making reference to the cheese in my basket lol. anyway, it was TOTALLY awkward and i had absolutely NO interest in talking to him. then he goes, "sorry to have embarrassed you." uhhhh... i think HE was the embarrassed one since he was obviously getting rejected. i hate creeps, wierdos, and schemey old dudes who shamelessly hit on anything in a skirt.

on the other hand when i get older i'm sure i won't mind if males still hit on me, despite the awkwardness. know what i mean?

also i would like to say MALES need to learn to respect females' space in parking lots and gas stations- particularly at NIGHT. that is not the time or place to pull this shit. it makes me paranoid like their next move may be to mug or rape me. even during the daytime i am a little afraid of parking lots and gas stations- DO NOT TALK TO ME THERE. this includes you, mr. can-i-wash-your-windshield-for-five-dollars.

PISS OFF DON'T TALK TO ME.

 

[miss_amy]

Not all men are like that. I feel a bit sorry for the males now, looks like we are calling them all pervs...I'm not. I think most men are decent.

I think male attention is fine as long as it's repectful and they take no for an answer if you reject them. Dottie that guy in the queue sounds OK to me. Its the lewd ones that shout obsenities and grab your backside thatI cannot stand.
I walked to the shop when I used to be a nurse so I was wearing my uniform. This idiot man was sat on a door step that I had to walk past, put his hand right up my dress as I walked. Automatic reaction jumped in and I walloped him hard, but I was really shaken afterwards. I've had a few instances in town where men have touched me inbusy pubs.....hate them places,,,don't go now, they feel like meat markets.

 

[jaidacoy]

long story short.. i am u.

and struggle with this every day. and in part its because ive always had bad skin and tried to hide it with makeup.. and then not being able to stop putting on the foundation everyday.. because i dont want anyone to see me differently who know.. its sad. and i live in my room.

 

[FreedomFighter]

hi lilcharlie hows things , i think you might suffer from body dysmorphic disorder(BDD , goggle it ) , From reading your post it looks like your too nice to people sometimes , just ignore them , they will get the point soon enough , Robbie .

 

[lilcharlie]

hi
thanks i looked up bdd, eerily, surprisingly, i do have some bdd traits/tendencies, but in the end i don't think i have bdd. i am more hung up on people's reactions/ looks/ comments/ questions towards me, than i am about my own looks. but lately, i have been feeling better, dealing with it better since posting on here. i guess i just had to "unload." there's nobody in real life i can tell this to, because automatically, they will think you're dumb, conceited. i told my family i can't help it if i'm sitting in a restaurant, and old perverted men come up to me when i'm minding my own business. my other sister said, i never get that. so then they think i'm slutting around, whatever. because of this looks/ sex thing between people i know of, and guys, i have become more anti social. there was this guy i thought that was cute, and i just wanted to hang out, then he starts flirting/ saying sexual things, looks/ stares, wants to hang out, and part of me is ambivalent, i want to run in the opposite direction. (?) sometimes it's still hard for me to take compliments. i just say thanks, and i try to ignore what they just said. now i guess i just run w/ the wind. say thanks smile, compliment them back, etc. there are some girls i know of, that dress up/ makeup/ hair done all the time, i wonder how they deal with it. [not that i dress like this all time.] and w/ the guys deal, i'd actually like to be friends with guys, so that's one reason i don't shut them off asap, but in the end, that fantasy [of wanting to be friends w/ guys] is either nil [zero], or rare. some guys i have told i am a lesbian to, never call me back, some still call me back. so this is kind of working for me. i am wierd, i know. oh well, i guess, this is the least of all the bigger problems i have. ? so that might be the good things to the side of life. thanks for your replies/ support guys, and it's comforting to know there are other people out there that deal with this type of things/ or social phobia/ anxiety in general. not that it's good we deal with this, but good there is support/ forums for this.