Paid to Date

[LaeveLizzie]

A few years ago, I was lucky enough to find a guy who could get past my surly, awkward attitude and take the time to get me to open up and get to know me. It took a long time - almost two years - until I was comfortable enough with him where my SAD wasn't too much of an issue; I could trust him and be myself around him. It felt great! We ended up spending a lot of time together, and I realized that I cared deeply for him. Somehow he found out, and - his feelings being mutual - asked me out in a really sweet way. To his mortification (and mine, for that matter) I said no. He didn't push me or ask me why, and even if he had I wouldn't have been able to give him an answer. I didn't even know! I really liked him, and he was one of the few guys I've ever been able to open up to. To this day I regret my decision, nor have I been able to justify my irrational fears: What if he doesn't really like me? What if this is a joke? What if he's getting paid?! I knew at the time how crazy I sounded, but I couldn't bring myself to date him, fearing that our whole friendship had been a lie. I don't know anyone else who's gone through this, and I was wondering if I was the only one.

 

[NathanielWingatePeaslee]

Yes. I have done this numerous times. I have rejected people and otherwise reacted very badly and inappropriately to advances, basically because I could not wrap my head around the idea of someone truly being interested in me.

That was mostly in high school I did that. I've gotten better about that since then.

 

[Xervello]

I'm fairly sure you're not the only one, Lizzie. Still, it's too bad. Whatever happened to him? Are you both still in contact with one another, or no?

 

[LaeveLizzie]

Unfortunately, no, we don't talk anymore. After I turned him down multiple times, I felt guilty and began to shut him out. I think after a while he just gave up and accepted the fact that we wouldn't work out, even though he didn't know why.

 

[Opaline]

I did that once in high school... Biology class, I used to flirt with this kid, I really liked him. Funny, cute, all that. One day he said "Will you be my friend?" almost like he was nervous. The way he asked was almost middle school-ish but then we were only sophomores, heh. I was so embarrassed and hadn't had a boyfriend yet, I immediately said "No" with a tone that probably sounded like "Yeah right". I went home later that day and was talking to my roommate (I went to a boarding school) and she said "He was totally asking you out, and you said no? He's so cute, oh my god!" haha. I really regretted it but I didn't have the courage to say anything to him.

So yeah, you're not the only one. I'm better about it now but I still can be really shy around someone I really like. It's tough. I hope you feel better.

 

[ImNotMyIllness]

Sad story! I don't know what to say. That sucks!