Overcoming bitterness

[Ads7800]

I have to be honest and say that I feel a great deal of bitterness towards the many people who have treated me poorly and laughed at me because of my avoiding and nervous behaviours.

I feel very angry about these events. I sometimes feel I want revenge, but I understand that these emotions are unhealthy.

It would be nice to forgive, but I feel as though forgiving them is almost like condoning their actions. I'm still not completely convinced that they deserve forgiveness.

If anyone on the forum has some insight into how to improve on this point, I would really appreciate your ideas. I really don't want to remain bitter.

 

[recluse]

Hi, i feel the same way. I was told that to be a stronger person you must learn to forget what people have done to you in the past, but i have great trouble letting go of my past.

 

[Infected_Malignity]

I have to be honest and say that I feel a great deal of bitterness towards the many people who have treated me poorly and laughed at me because of my avoiding and nervous behaviours.

I feel very angry about these events. I sometimes feel I want revenge, but I understand that these emotions are unhealthy.

It would be nice to forgive, but I feel as though forgiving them is almost like condoning their actions. I'm still not completely convinced that they deserve forgiveness.

If anyone on the forum has some insight into how to improve on this point, I would really appreciate your ideas. I really don't want to remain bitter.

Dude! I know how you feel. What you have to do is just hold your breath, count to ten, and relax. One thing that shy people (dude, i'm in the same boat as you) have to realize sometimes is that when people laugh, it's not to purposely hurt your feelings. In fact, they probably have no malicious intent whatsoever! They probably just don't know what it feels like to be shy, and just want a good laugh.

The same reason why (for a stupid example) you'd laugh at somebody if they walked into a store, say without any pants on. They'd look mighty different, wouldn't they? Your first reaction would be to laugh because you'd think to yourself, "Who even DOES that?". That doesn't mean you had any problems with that person though, right? It just means you saw something funny - no malicious or hurtful intent attached.

So hey, don't read so much into it. After learning to laugh at my own shyness, it's eased off greatly. Maybe you can do the same!

 

[IceLad]

Same here as well.

It's very hard to forgive people when they've helped to mold you into the anxiety plagued individual you are now, you have been in the past, and may well continue to be well into the future.

I might be a little more forgiving if social phobia was easy to recover from...

 

[flake__]

I have to be honest and say that I feel a great deal of bitterness towards the many people who have treated me poorly and laughed at me because of my avoiding and nervous behaviours.

I feel very angry about these events. I sometimes feel I want revenge, but I understand that these emotions are unhealthy.

It would be nice to forgive, but I feel as though forgiving them is almost like condoning their actions. I'm still not completely convinced that they deserve forgiveness.

If anyone on the forum has some insight into how to improve on this point, I would really appreciate your ideas. I really don't want to remain bitter.

First off, the fact that you don't want to remain bitter is the biggest and hardest step, so well done you've crossed that already!

I should be able to offer advice on this but struggling...i was just like you, i'd say most of my life but especially the past 4 years, just feeling really really bitter and hating anyone that said that rubbish about forgiving them for my own benefit, cos that would mean them getting away with it, why should i let them?! The people i was bitter at were members of my family that had done me a lot of damage and so kind of hard to forget about when you have to live with them.

I guess i just realised slowly that what people said were right...they said carrying around this bitterness was like a burden for me and would weigh me down, and though i straightaway said no it doesn't, i realised they were right...though i didn't realise cos i was so unhappy and caught up in it, it was a huge weight, making me not just bitter at the people but the world! Making me unhappy. And having to think about it all the time...cos at the end of the day, i and i'm sure you too are too nice to get serious revenge anyway. You're not gonna do it cos you know you're better than that. You don't wanna cause more hurt. You'd feel bad once it was over. It wouldn't achieve anything.

So i guess i just let it go. Two wrongs don't make a right, and you have done them a favour by letting it go..they are in your debt. They did a stupid thing by doing whatever they did. You are superior cos you are mature enough to let it go. And it felt so great when i let go!! That's the main thing. The weight totally lifted, no bitterness. I will never stand there and say i forgive that person for what they did--because what they did was unforgivable. But that doesn't mean the person is evil incarnate. The thing they did was evil but not the person, people are complicated like that--they can do bad things and good things. Whatever happenned in the past it feels great to let go, and i just wanna give myself good family experiences before it's all gone. Don't waste YOUR life feeling bitter cos of what other people did.

Sorry this is such a long post can't be bothered to go back and make it more concise! lol

 

[Doomed2Die]

Waste, life, one could argue that by questoning these things brings more joy to life than otherwise, thusly not wasting it. Waste is what? Obtaining a fortune only to stumble on personal problems in the future, realising that money is not happiness dispite what the media says?

I feel that by finding enjoyment in these things that you take to being bitter is the truest way to conqure this, like lets say you believe that everyone only does things for someone else if there is a ulterior motive, money/material objects (bitterness to humanity in general). By finding people who actually do otherwise can break this bitterness. In my experience I can say this is true.