outgoing people

[alex29]

im getting nervous for going back to uni. i will have new roommates and one of them seems really outgoing. i mean she's nice and i told her im shy and reserved but im just afraid that shes going to ask me things and im not going to answer the way she wants. or that she'll find me boring.

like today we were talking about her hobbies and she asked me for mine and i didnt really know what to say. i dont want to be the weird roommate who does nothing and never leaves the room, and that seems stuck up and anti social.

dont you hate this? im so intimidated by outgoing people. i hope shes understanding and doesnt dislike me

 

[autumn_82]

Yeah, my roommate for the upcoming year just emailed me. She seems nice, but also pretty outgoing. I'm wary of meeting her, and afraid of being thought of as strange. I'm sure she doesn't have social problems, and probably goes out to parties, etc., while that kind of thing is terrifying for me. Something that seems incomprehensible to the majority of my peers--omg you don't like parties?!

I hope I'll feel comfortable enough to explain to her that I've always had severe shyness issues, and not scare her off in the process. As soon as she emailed me my worrying went into high gear. I started analyzing her emails for signs of rejection and incompatibility, though I realize with my rational mind that that is ridiculous. I guess now is the time when I should practice the cognitive-behavioral techniques/thoughts that my therapist taught me! If I keep saying those things to myself rather than repeating the automatic negative thoughts, maybe I'll get somewhat of a grip on my fear.

I proceeded to immediately worry about possible scenarios, etc.: about her bringing lots of friends or a boyfriend to our room, about being rejected and ganged up on, about the envy I'll feel at her fitting in (Japanese major at the U of Hawaii) while I'm the loner again.

At least I have a part-time job in addition to my classes as an excuse to keep me busy and out of the room, in hopes of hiding from her the fact that I don't have a social life.

 

[alex29]

Yeah, my roommate for the upcoming year just emailed me. She seems nice, but also pretty outgoing. I'm wary of meeting her, and afraid of being thought of as strange. I'm sure she doesn't have social problems, and probably goes out to parties, etc., while that kind of thing is terrifying for me. Something that seems incomprehensible to the majority of my peers--omg you don't like parties?!

I hope I'll feel comfortable enough to explain to her that I've always had severe shyness issues, and not scare her off in the process. As soon as she emailed me my worrying went into high gear. I started analyzing her emails for signs of rejection and incompatibility, though I realize with my rational mind that that is ridiculous. I guess now is the time when I should practice the cognitive-behavioral techniques/thoughts that my therapist taught me! If I keep saying those things to myself rather than repeating the automatic negative thoughts, maybe I'll get somewhat of a grip on my fear.

I proceeded to immediately worry about possible scenarios, etc.: about her bringing lots of friends or a boyfriend to our room, about being rejected and ganged up on, about the envy I'll feel at her fitting in (Japanese major at the U of Hawaii) while I'm the loner again.

At least I have a part-time job in addition to my classes as an excuse to keep me busy and out of the room, in hopes of hiding from her the fact that I don't have a social life.

you sound just like me. im worried theyre going to notice i dont have much of a social life also. i dont bring boys back to the room. and i also analyze our conversations too. i even have an unpopular major.

ugh this is such a pain.

 

[Walk]

Yeah, the whole analyzing-if-they-are-rejecting-me routine.

I've had best success when I ignore those thoughts and I try to seek commonalities with the people I'm talking to, no matter how small those commonalities are. It could be similar tastes in music, cars, girls, fuck it, whatever.

I've grown enough to realize that not everyone is going to agree with each other's lifestyles, but that this does NOT mean that we should dislike each other.

Matter of fact, even out going people lose friends and make new ones. This was a big discovery for me a while back lol

It's all about how you carry yourself. I even go as far as pointing out my deficiencies in life, like not having been able to make friends. If you say it in a matter of fact way, they won't take it that negatively. I know that there are some things too embarrassing for me to point out, but I try to open up as much as is possible nowadays.

Bottom line: Some people are plain assholes, but I've found out that most people are not; but everyone has problems... everyone.

 

[Richey]

Roommate??? there is no way you'd get me sharing a room with other people unless i knew them well or it was family and only then it would be one week max.....

Is the option there for you to obtain off campus accomodation in a studio flat or a shared house rent, sharing a room should be an option or a last resort for me as you'd lose your privacy and your peace and your freedom to wake up in the middle of the night and watch tv or practice guitar or just do as you please ...

if you can get yourself a part-time weekend job i'd be looking for a shared house or studio flat

 

[alex29]

Roommate??? there is no way you'd get me sharing a room with other people unless i knew them well or it was family and only then it would be one week max.....

Is the option there for you to obtain off campus accomodation in a studio flat or a shared house rent, sharing a room should be an option or a last resort for me as you'd lose your privacy and your peace and your freedom to wake up in the middle of the night and watch tv or practice guitar or just do as you please ...

if you can get yourself a part-time weekend job i'd be looking for a shared house or studio flat

i have two... i was hoping spending time with people like this would force me to be more social and learn to deal with the stress rather than isolate myself like i do now

 

[Richey]

I'm not leaning towards it isolating people, its just that a room should be private and if your on campus then you'll be around people all the time anyway so but yeh i can see how sharing a room could have its benefits but its a 50/50 that you'll get on with these people and even if you do your freedom to do as you please is not there .....

but yeh i can see how it has its benefits in that you have someone to talk to even if you like it or not .

 

[Infected_Malignity]

outgoing people are usually friendly. there's nothing scary about that. it's the shy ones who can come across as total dicks if they don't watch out...

 

[alex29]

outgoing people are usually friendly. there's nothing scary about that. it's the shy ones who can come across as total dicks if they don't watch out...

but thats exactly what im worried about. ive been thought of as stuck up and cold, but im not at all! its just i dont know how to express my thoughts and feelings. i think this is understood when im around other shy people, btu around outgoing people, they cant understand. they see me as a bitch but really im just intimidated by how outgoing they are