Online Social life but no offline life...

[mndigi]

..it's really sad...i am so ashamed of myself...
in reality, i have like absolutely no social life..and the only person i talk to is my family..and right now im home almost 24/7...except when i go out to eat or something...

but online is different..guys talk to me, want to meet me..i chat and i actually have those so called "friends" i talk to...

im actually happy i get to socialize..but at the same time i feel utter pathetic and lame..and what would those onliners think of me if they did find out the truth?..omg....and what if my FAMILY found out..*shutter*
I have tried to quit socializing online..but i cannot do so b/c i desperately hunger for human contact (even if the only means is going online and befriending total strangers...*sigh*)


give me feedback...-_-;

Hi there,
I used to be exactly like this till 2 years ago. I used to be home ALL THE TIME except on weekends when I'd go to classes. And I used to be online where I'd flirt and talk and make jokes. People would tell me I must have many friends. But I stopped doing it because staying at home all the time was messing up with my head really bad. In fact I started considering my online life as one of the symptoms of my disease.

 

[anomicdeer]

Im really starting not to care what anyone thinks about it... they might even notice what the problem is... maybe...

 

[rainstreet]

Whats wrong with the internet? I think it's a great tool. internet socializing is so much safer. you can be whoever you want without worrying about what to wear. for the last 10 years, almost all of my friendships have began on the computer. this includes girlfriends. the thing that's cool about it is that you can get to know someone well before meeting them. of course this is assuming that both of the people eventually open up and are honest about themselves. I'm old enough to remember pre-internet dating. You had to rely on chance meeting at bar's or walmart.

 

[rainstreet]

When you said, "Im really starting not to care what anyone thinks about it..." that's the most important step you can take. Once you grab onto that truth, hold it in your heart. After that, you're golden.

 

[Kanye West]

I'm sorry but you have to take your online "friendships" to real life in order to call the other person a friend. Until then they are contacts.

 

[rainstreet]

I'm sorry but you have to take your online "friendships" to real life in order to call the other person a friend. Until then they are contacts.

Many famous friendships throughout history relied on communication other than face to face. Before the internet, there were these things called letters. You might have to wait for weeks before receiving a response to a letter in which you poured out your heart. Marriage proposals were made without actually meeting the person. There are many benefits to maintaining relationships without being in the same room. There's nothing you can say to someone right next to you that you can't say a thousand miles away. "Real life" is everywhere. Not just where you are.

 

[Kanye West]

I think its safe to say you don't know a person until you meet and talk to them face to face. Ya I can use the internet to find people with similar interests but I wouldn't call someone a friend until I was communicating with them face to face. Call me old fashion but thats the way I would rather make my friends. Often you can be talking to someone on the internet and connecting with him/her then you may see a picture of them and have a totally different opinion about them. Or maby you meet them and they have mannerisms you don't like or they talk weird ect... Pushing letters on the computer is the greatest equalizer of mankind.

 

[Kanye West]

I guess what I'm trying to say is anyone can make friends online, it isn't hard. Its a lot harder to do it in real life because there are so many more aspects to real life interaction. ya dig?

 

[lonely_drummer]

You shouldn't be ashamed. You may be socializing online, but its still a form of socializing, communicating, expressing your feelings towards others. It's definitely different from actual real socializing but who cares. I say do what feels most comfortable to you. To be honest, while I was growing up I did nothing but talk to people online because I couldn't get the guts to start talking to people. But later on in highschool, I just stopped because I figured if anyone found out, my life would be ruined. I was completely ashamed of it. Just recently I decided to get back into it and joined this site which has helped me discover a lot more about my problems with anxiety and socializing. I know this will definitely help me alot better than laying in the dark going crazy. It shouldn't matter if your friends are real physical friends or online friends, its not about how many friends you have either, it's about how those friends make you feel and how you make those friends feel. Do they help you when help is need? With social anxiety it's usually the only way to communicate to others, to me, you shouldn't be ashamed because we're all people, we're just people telling a machine what to tell another machine what to tell to another person.

 

[Zav]

I don't think socializing online is something to be ashamed of. I used to be the same way. But Kanye is right to say there's a lot more to real, physical interaction.

Basically it changed for me when I started getting much more involved in playing music. I joined/started a band, and I have been playing for a while since, and most of my closest friends today are like-minded people I've met through that avenue.

So basically, just find some kind of activity you really enjoy, maybe a sport or something, music, books, join a club, whatever, and meet people through that...Some kind of activity that you can share with others. Even getting a job and meeting some co-workers might work. It's hard at first because you haven't been out much and may not be good at socializing, but you just get through it and eventually you'll meet someone. But in comparison, real-life relationships are much more worthwhile than online ones, but perhaps that's just my opinion. I think Kanye nailed it on the head.

 

[rainstreet]

I guess what I'm trying to say is anyone can make friends online, it isn't hard. Its a lot harder to do it in real life because there are so many more aspects to real life interaction. ya dig?

You're right about "mankind's greatest equalizer". Wasn't the same thing said about death? If I was a shrink I'd say that you had trust issues cause "seeing is believing" seems to be an important philosophy for you.. Interestingly, I find that looks can be deceiving and that how someone verbalizes on life and the world as they see it are better determinants of core personality and character.

 

[rainstreet]

You're right about "mankind's greatest equalizer". Wasn't the same thing said about death? If I was a shrink I'd say that you had trust issues cause "seeing is believing" seems to be an important philosophy for you.. Interestingly, I find that looks can be deceiving and that how someone verbalizes on life and the world as they see it are better determinants of core personality and character.

It could be that I find online relationships more comfortable cause I can keep the person at a distance until trust is gained. In- person contacts are dangerous in many ways. It's like I'm forced to perform. I have to be cool in so many ways. Thinking on my feet is not one of my strong points.

 

[Kanye West]

If I was a shrink I'd say that you had trust issues cause "seeing is believing" seems to be an important philosophy for you.. Interestingly, I find that looks can be deceiving and that how someone verbalizes on life and the world as they see it are better determinants of core personality and character.

Yes for sure but sometimes we hang out with people who tend to me more physically attractive because it makes ourselfs seem more attractive. There is a saying.."you are who your friends are" that can be applied here. Sometimes we do this unconsciously. Its a survial mechanism.

 

[Kanye West]

I will also say that in real life it is rare to find people with similar interests. Online I can just google "dudes that like motorcycles" and a whole wack of information and potential friends will pop up right in front of me. However, in the real world I could be living in a city for years before I would have the chance to meet someone who likes motorcycles. You see how its harder? So its actually more special if you come across someone in real life with the same interests. Seems fabricated if you email your new online biker friend about getting coffee or what ever the hell bikers do lol.

 

[rainstreet]

I will also say that in real life it is rare to find people with similar interests. Online I can just google "dudes that like motorcycles" and a whole wack of information and potential friends will pop up right in front of me. However, in the real world I could be living in a city for years before I would have the chance to meet someone who likes motorcycles. You see how its harder? So its actually more special if you come across someone in real life with the same interests. Seems fabricated if you email your new online biker friend about getting coffee or what ever the hell bikers do lol.

I think bikers basically just ride and work on their bikes. I'm guessing that cybering biker's are truly a rare breed. Kind of like a hip hop redneck. It is a lot harder to find someone that has similar interests and a mutually acceptable system of values. Generally, you have to lower your expectations. If the person fills a need in your life, you might overlook other things that don't fit the bill. That brings up another interesting factoid. When I was 14 my family moved from a small town in OK, to Dallas, TX. I tried to maintain my close friendships but it proved too difficult. After a few years of living in a different world, I made contact with some of the old friends and found that we had very little in common. Friends are like gold.