Online friendship fails

[Capsaicin]

Since I spend a lot of time working at home, I sometimes try to make online friends to pass the time with...

... and I get people who are completely insane.

The kind of people I can leave for 10-15 minutes to use the bathroom and make coffee, and come back to a storm of increasingly upset comments and complaints from. If I haven't responded for over a minute, then obviously I'm ignoring them on purpose to make a point because there's nothing that could distract from the urgency of a text conversation about video games and the answer is to lash out.

The kind of people who get angry over something in a message I can't even pick out, and accuse me of being insensitive and selfish since I'm supposed to magically figure out what upsets them and why if they yell at me enough. I am at your service to predict and then meet your needs without mine ever coming into the picture, good sir or madam.

The kind of people who, despite having nothing to say themselves, insist on being around me all day every day. Being on someone's messenger contacts is a commitment akin to parenting, and I'd better not stick up a busy status and chat in between bouts of work.

I'm thinking I should just stick with what I have or search more offline. I've met a few people recently, but just doesn't feel worth it at this point.

 

[Capsaicin]

I definitely think focusing on making more real life friends is a positive thing. If you are going to have online friends, you need to set boundaries. For example, if you need to go and do something, then just say, "I'll be back later". They don't have the entitlement to know everything that you do.

I was hoping to get some company minus having to spend money on gas, events, etc. I've become more comfortable talking to people offline in the past few years, but I have very little to spend on meeting people or going out with them.

Especially if I just met them, are they really going to be comfortable coming over to my place or having me over? I also don't know how to tell the difference between the people who'd be draining to be around by wanting to phone and go out several times a week and who's more laid-back like me at a glance, and despite my rant I don't actually like entering and dropping friendships at the speed of light. Especially if I'll be seeing them around.

I do tell online friends if I'm going to, say, go put on a movie instead. Nobody has any right to demand that I structure my day around letting people know when I'm going to get something to drink, though. These are grown-*** men and women and I'm not their parent.

 

[awkwardamanda]

I've chatted with a few people who just go on and on and it's hard to even find a chance to interrupt and say, "sorry, I have to go."

 

[nicole1]

Yea, I'm one of those people who get pissed off b/c a lot of times, people do this in a rude manner. Rude people are the worst. I think there is an etiquette when deal with people online. After a while, if it's a lot of people complaining, you must examine yourself even if you think you are doing nothing wrong. A little bit goes a long way. What I'm saying is don't be an a-hole, and maybe folks won't get mad at you.

Oh and get actual friends to go out with from time to time. I try to space out when I actually talk to people to allow them their space b/c people can be real pickles about that. And also, I like my space. Sometimes, I don't like talking to people.

It also depends on where you find these people. I've been friends with one guy since I turned...I think 19 or 20???? But yea, we were friends for a long time and I learned to respect his space and vice versa. He's really kind, and therefore, our online buddyship is not threatened by either of us thinking ill of the other's actions or attitudes.

 

[akala]

i guess you shouldn't talk to people who don't have much of a life, i think that's what leads to people being so "Attatched" since you're like the only thing close to a friend they've got... I've had similar experiences... just not in the sense that the other person was needy... more like.... predator/creepy/pedophile. i guess it comes with being an internet minority (female).
I stopped trying to make friends online a while ago, i still talk to a few that are pretty normal. Some of them are crazy i know.

 

[Alienated]

i guess you shouldn't talk to people who don't have much of a life, i think that's what leads to people being so "Attatched" since you're like the only thing close to a friend they've got... I've had similar experiences... just not in the sense that the other person was needy... more like.... predator/creepy/pedophile. i guess it comes with being an internet minority (female).
I stopped trying to make friends online a while ago, i still talk to a few that are pretty normal. Some of them are crazy i know.

And you said I should move away somewhere on my other thread.... ???
Where to ??? Just to find another group of loony people I would be afraid to talk to !! Where ? where? WHERE CAN I GO ???? PLEASE TELL ME WHERE !!

 

[Capsaicin]

Yea, I'm one of those people who get pissed off b/c a lot of times, people do this in a rude manner. Rude people are the worst. I think there is an etiquette when deal with people online. After a while, if it's a lot of people complaining, you must examine yourself even if you think you are doing nothing wrong. A little bit goes a long way. What I'm saying is don't be an a-hole, and maybe folks won't get mad at you.

Oh and get actual friends to go out with from time to time. I try to space out when I actually talk to people to allow them their space b/c people can be real pickles about that. And also, I like my space. Sometimes, I don't like talking to people.

It also depends on where you find these people. I've been friends with one guy since I turned...I think 19 or 20???? But yea, we were friends for a long time and I learned to respect his space and vice versa. He's really kind, and therefore, our online buddyship is not threatened by either of us thinking ill of the other's actions or attitudes.

i guess you shouldn't talk to people who don't have much of a life, i think that's what leads to people being so "Attatched" since you're like the only thing close to a friend they've got... I've had similar experiences... just not in the sense that the other person was needy... more like.... predator/creepy/pedophile. i guess it comes with being an internet minority (female).
I stopped trying to make friends online a while ago, i still talk to a few that are pretty normal. Some of them are crazy i know.

Sad to say, it's been exclusively people who are depressed, became extremely attached extremely quickly, and have nothing going on. I don't want to make a point of avoiding them, but I also don't want this. I'm high-strung as it is.

I understand the feeling of being totally alone and without anything to look forward to, having been in a major depression earlier in life, but I refuse to be bound and controlled by these people like I'm just here to fix their boredom, fix their depression, etc, and should take whatever unreasonable demands and abuse they throw at me. I've even had gaslighting, for Pete's sake.

Next semester I'll have more opportunities to meet people offline, anyway.

 

[awkwardamanda]

i guess you shouldn't talk to people who don't have much of a life, i think that's what leads to people being so "Attatched" since you're like the only thing close to a friend they've got...

Oh yeah, I've seen that. I remember someone complaining to me once and I think he said he didn't have any other friends to talk to or something. Ok, just because we talk a little doesn't mean we're friends. A two-way conversation is different, but when it's just one-sided and the other person wants to vent it can get annoying. I don't want to be rude to anybody either. If I want to complain in the forums, then at least people have the option of ignoring it. I don't like feeling like I have to comfort someone or offer a solution 'cause I'm not good at that. That's why I don't like complaining to my friends. They likely don't want to hear about my problems.