LeeAnne
Active member
I think I just figured out why I am a social phobe.
I was in a group of social phobes, and it was like there were certain members with issues, who just did not understand the art of containment.
By containment I mean when you have an issue that bothers with another person, instead of obsessing about it, walk away. Even if you hate them, they make you feel powerless yada yada. Walk away. It's okay not to socially engage someone who is freaking you out. Yet we feel like we have to. It's sort of expected that we constantly socially engage.
I honestly think as a social phobe the problem is I see our society as lauding the ideal social butterfly. the effervescent person who is not phased by gossip and says all the right things. Humans by nature are ****ed. I think some Social phobes recognize this a little too much, and never know when we should turn on the social behavior, or turn it off, because the moment we turn off, or stutter, or withdraw, that's a problem. In our society we are always expected to be "on."
And once you make a mistake people like to see you only for your mistakes.
It's okay. you'll feel better. You're not obligated to apologize for having an opinion. You're not entitled to continually reassure a jealous boyfriend, or a demanding insecure friend. It's ok to tell them to just push off.
I think some social phobes sense with horror, the way our society expects us to flow seamlessly into stereotypical social roles at what can seem like the expense of ourselves: mother/father, confidant/spouse/friend, coworker/boss.
I was just in a situation where it seemed like people weighed your every word with so much weight one slip meant you're a total failure; a deviant; a rapist.
Seriously an acquaintance got called a "predator." Well they couldn't prove it so it got downgraded to a social deviant; then they couldn't prove that so they listed some behaviors, or personal flaws, that were none of their business, and that was supposed to convince me he had "potential for deviance."
In my opinion all humans are deviants of some kind. We chase after others to avoid looking at our own flaws. They're too ugly.
Then we run to these roles of mother/father worker/boss friend/foe in terror, hoping it will provide the necessary cover to hide the flaws we think others will see.
I essentially think to stay sane is to see your world from a bubble anyway, and just not let too much get close to you.
So being somewhat social detached/phobic is a way to survive and that's ok.
cheers
I was in a group of social phobes, and it was like there were certain members with issues, who just did not understand the art of containment.
By containment I mean when you have an issue that bothers with another person, instead of obsessing about it, walk away. Even if you hate them, they make you feel powerless yada yada. Walk away. It's okay not to socially engage someone who is freaking you out. Yet we feel like we have to. It's sort of expected that we constantly socially engage.
I honestly think as a social phobe the problem is I see our society as lauding the ideal social butterfly. the effervescent person who is not phased by gossip and says all the right things. Humans by nature are ****ed. I think some Social phobes recognize this a little too much, and never know when we should turn on the social behavior, or turn it off, because the moment we turn off, or stutter, or withdraw, that's a problem. In our society we are always expected to be "on."
And once you make a mistake people like to see you only for your mistakes.
It's okay. you'll feel better. You're not obligated to apologize for having an opinion. You're not entitled to continually reassure a jealous boyfriend, or a demanding insecure friend. It's ok to tell them to just push off.
I think some social phobes sense with horror, the way our society expects us to flow seamlessly into stereotypical social roles at what can seem like the expense of ourselves: mother/father, confidant/spouse/friend, coworker/boss.
I was just in a situation where it seemed like people weighed your every word with so much weight one slip meant you're a total failure; a deviant; a rapist.
Seriously an acquaintance got called a "predator." Well they couldn't prove it so it got downgraded to a social deviant; then they couldn't prove that so they listed some behaviors, or personal flaws, that were none of their business, and that was supposed to convince me he had "potential for deviance."
In my opinion all humans are deviants of some kind. We chase after others to avoid looking at our own flaws. They're too ugly.
Then we run to these roles of mother/father worker/boss friend/foe in terror, hoping it will provide the necessary cover to hide the flaws we think others will see.
I essentially think to stay sane is to see your world from a bubble anyway, and just not let too much get close to you.
So being somewhat social detached/phobic is a way to survive and that's ok.
cheers
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