OCD about being a pedophile... so scary.

[Ameera00]

I suffer with an obsession about being a pedophile. I've heard that these things are fairly common among people that have OCD... but that doesn't make it any less terrifying.

Recently, I had a spike... a thought of molesting a young child... and for a second, I felt this mental excitement, as though it was something I wanted to do. No physical arousal, just that feeling of excitement one might get when, say, kissing. Like that adrenaline rush.
The best way I could describe it is that for a split second, my mind went, "Yes... that would feel good. That would be nice."

UGHHHH.

It scared me, because it wasn't negative excitement, which is what OCD thoughts tend to cause. It only lasted a split second, and afterwards, I felt ill, but I can't stop thinking that this must mean I'm a pedophile. I am so scared. :-(

 

[silentbutdeadly]

I think I should say something or else it would be really bad if no one replied to your post...

The best thing I can think of right now is to focus on the fact that you're a good person and that you'd simply never do anything like that. (I wish I had more to say, but hey, I am socially phobic, right? :wink: )

 

[Vancouver]

Ummm. Not to be a piece of shit or anything, but the thoughts are a little strange. I'm not going to lie just to try to make you feel better. However, having your own thoughts is fine - as long as they're not acted upon.

What are you so afraid of? That you might *accidentally* act upon them? As in oops-I-did-it-again? That's the only time you should start to worry, if you get to the point where you're actually afraid of losing control. If you feel this way, get help. Not for your sake, but for childrens' sake in general.

I think you can be a good judge of that, considering you're masked by the internet. Once again, having thoughts isn't a crime - harming kids is. If you act upon your urges, you'll get what's coming to you.

My best advice - get a girlfriend/hobby(or perhaps both).

 

[blakeage]

If you were a pedophile, could you change it by thinking about it? You'd be a pedophile, regardless of how much thinking went into it. Thinking about it is a way of fighting it...to prove to yourself that it's not true.

I've had a very similar issue, but my fear was that I was gay. I did the same test to see if it's true. Does it excite me when I think about it? Does it do this or that? Over and over again. If there was any hint that it might be true, I assumed it was so (to my utter dismay).

That's called "testing". If you find you're doing it a lot, it's an obsession. Don't fear! If you really wanted to be a pedophile, you would be! And you're not. Ordinarily this is enough proof, but we with OCD keep analyzing it to make sure it's not true. Recognize this is an inability to deal with the "certainty" of whether you are or are not.

Check out "I think it moved" at ocdonline.com. The gay spike is what I'm referring to. Your issue is very similar. This is classic OCD.

 

[SocialRetahd]

My best advice - get a girlfriend/hobby(or perhaps both).

Yea, but one of legal age.

Here is a link you might want to check out.

http://www.nambla.org/

 

[Ameera00]

Ummm. Not to be a piece of shit or anything, but the thoughts are a little strange. I'm not going to lie just to try to make you feel better. However, having your own thoughts is fine - as long as they're not acted upon.

What are you so afraid of? That you might *accidentally* act upon them? As in oops-I-did-it-again? That's the only time you should start to worry, if you get to the point where you're actually afraid of losing control. If you feel this way, get help. Not for your sake, but for childrens' sake in general.

I think you can be a good judge of that, considering you're masked by the internet. Once again, having thoughts isn't a crime - harming kids is. If you act upon your urges, you'll get what's coming to you.

My best advice - get a girlfriend/hobby(or perhaps both).

Just to clarify, I don't have "urges." It was just this one weird random thought. I have no sexual desire toward children whatsoever, which is why this is troubling.

If kids were my sexual interest, I wouldn't feel the need to figure this out.

I would just know that and (I suppose), go on enjoying my own little fantasies.

P.S. I do have a boyfriend (I'm a female)... and have always been attracted to adult men. If I felt a real attraction to children I WOULD be getting help. Trust me. Except that it makes no sense for me to turn myself in somewhere and say, "Hey, I'm a pedophile, but I'm not really attracted to kids."

Therein lies the problem.

 

[kyle]

I suffer with an obsession about being a pedophile. I've heard that these things are fairly common among people that have OCD... but that doesn't make it any less terrifying.

Recently, I had a spike... a thought of molesting a young child... and for a second, I felt this mental excitement, as though it was something I wanted to do. No physical arousal, just that feeling of excitement one might get when, say, kissing. Like that adrenaline rush.
The best way I could describe it is that for a split second, my mind went, "Yes... that would feel good. That would be nice."

UGHHHH.

It scared me, because it wasn't negative excitement, which is what OCD thoughts tend to cause. It only lasted a split second, and afterwards, I felt ill, but I can't stop thinking that this must mean I'm a pedophile. I am so scared. :-(

You should avoid alcohol then. I've done enough stupid things when drunk (although nothing like molesting anyone). Stay sober and nothing will go wrong.

 

[de-vin]

I feel something similar to that...except mine isn't the split second thought of liking a child; it is the thought of doing something violent, for example for a split second I thought about hitting someone or killing them...its a symtom of OCD...inside you know it has no context...but you have that doubt in the back of your mind and you can't fully believe you don't like kids, or violence in my case...

 

[GaryF]

deleted

 

[HexNoir]

If you don't trust yourself in this department, I don't trust you either. The same with people who are afraid of hurting others. The only reason you're so paranoid is because you know you have malicious intentions underneath it all and can't deal with it. Anyone who feels this way, get help. If not for yourself, think of those around you.

 

[Musicocd]

Vulvectomy you cleary know nothing about ocd. A person with ocd who thinks about hurting other people would NEVER act upon it. They just fear they will. Stop making us out to be dangerous psychos.

 

[RedRibbons]

Ah it's okay, I have had the gay/pedophile ocd thing too. lol. I've been dealing with it for a while. It sometimes gets worse, but for the most part it doesn't bother me. Usually around my.. ahem menstruation when my hormones are all crazy.. It gets bad.. Cause I have higher anxiety at that time too.

The best thing to think. Is that.. You are who you are... No matter how crazy your thoughts are.. And just try and appreciate who you are. Appreciate that your brain is random and humans are capable of thinking ANYTHING. Even if you have a spooky thought, embrace it, laugh at it, and know the value it actually has to you. idk if that helps. I'm somewhat in the same boat as you. It's all good.

 

[phoenix1]

Vulvectomy,

That was an extremely ignorant comment.

Everybody has crazy thoughts. Its the nature of being human. However, for most people those thoughts go away instantly because we think its so crazy that its not even worth a second thought. You may not have even realized that at one point you probably thought about children in a sexual way, but then immediately dismissed it. And it never needed to come back.

The difference with someone who has OCD or obsessive tendencies is that the person got freaked out about the thought itself. They got so scared about the thought that their brain decided that something was wrong, so it keeps bringing the thought back to the person in the effort to fix it. However when the problem is the thought itself, it can’t directly be fixed, so the thought just keeps coming back which causes anxiety, which make it likely the thought will keep coming back. It’s very difficult and can be very cruel.

It does not in anyway mean that they are more likely to commit the act. All it means is that they are fixated and disgusted about the thought, so they keep thinking about it.

 

[paulmm]

ok, i didnt read all of the comments, but i can safely say that i feel soooo badly for Ameera00 because many of the people who replied clearly do not have OCD and have no idea what you are going through

i have had an extreme fear of being a pedophile for the past 7 years - it all stemmed from going through puberty with a little sister and being disgusted by the fact that i found her even remotely attractive

first things first - all humans are attracted to all other humans. physically, mentally, sexually, etc.

what draws the defining lines is urges. if you were a pedophile, you would be drawn to elementary schools and you would pursue a career in teaching because those things bring you closer to children. it is perfectly normal that you would feel slight arousal at the thought of being sexually active with a child, simply because sexual activity, regardless of the partner, is arousing.

"checking", a compulsion where the person with OCD continuously exposes him/herself to off-limits stimuli to see if they find it arousing, does not work. our perceptions of our own feeligns are skewed, and if we expect to be aroused (which we always do) then we will be aroused

basically it comes down to this. you know that sexual activity with a child is wrong, therefore you have a healthy conscience. and you are attracted to males of your age, which means you are heterosexual. finally, unless you are obsessing at the time, when you are around children, you do not think of ways to get them to be sexually active with you, which means that you are not a pedophile.

continue to test yourself all you want, but it will get you nowhere. it is very very difficult to pick apart the human psyche, especially sexuality, and it is overt activity that defines our sexuality, not our 'hidden' urges. all males want to have sex with all females, regardless of age, relations, rules, etc, because our bodies are programmed to reproduce. it is the social norms that then narrow down our attractions to 'normal' ones, along with emotional attachments that form concrete families (and dull sexual attraction within families).

in english, you are not a pedophile, and obsessing about it will only make you believe that you are one. pedophiles have sex with children, and u havent done that, so therefore you arent a pedophile. from the sounds of it you are a perfectly OCD heterosexual female.

enjoy life, dont dwell on meaningless negative shit

 

[RedRibbons]

wow. what if you have this uncomfortable ocd thing, and you want to be a teacher. Does that make you a pedophile. Not all pedophiles want to become teachers. I think what is the "defining line" is when you start making decisions based on the idea of wanting to be close to children, sexually.

I also find it ignorant to say that by skimming these replies, a lot of the people don't understand the pain. OCD is painful, whether it's about being gay, a pedophile, or having germs on your body.

Anyway! lol. For myself I mostly avoid any situation where I might have to be around children. But then I think it looks weird, so I try not to do that. I try not to let my fear of being attracted to them get in the way of decisions I make. And it's very frustrating. I'm sure a bunch of you know what I'm talking about.

 

[Doomed2Die]

Yes, I feel the same at times, pretty much the fear of what others view my accociation of children and there for the brain goes wild with fear and prehaps causing arousal due to anticipation of such. Its understandable and pretty frightening for the person thinking about it. Its not directed at the children but simply personal.

And simply to prevent inane accusations, im not a pedophile -_- and like most people detest it.

Just to clarify, I don't have "urges." It was just this one weird random thought. I have no sexual desire toward children whatsoever, which is why this is troubling.

 

[paulmm]

i apologize if you misunderstood what i was saying. obviously not all teachers are pedophiles and not all pedophiles want to be teachers. that was just an example my therapist uses a lot and it makes sense to me. try not to overgeneralize, redribbons.

also, when i said that i skimmed the replies and found that a lot of people dont understand the pain of ocd, i was referring to the ignorant remarks made by people who said that if you fear being a pedophile, you shouldnt be allowed near children. this is a forum to help people, not start debates, redribbons.

wow. what if you have this uncomfortable ocd thing, and you want to be a teacher. Does that make you a pedophile. Not all pedophiles want to become teachers. I think what is the "defining line" is when you start making decisions based on the idea of wanting to be close to children, sexually.

I also find it ignorant to say that by skimming these replies, a lot of the people don't understand the pain. OCD is painful, whether it's about being gay, a pedophile, or having germs on your body.

Anyway! lol. For myself I mostly avoid any situation where I might have to be around children. But then I think it looks weird, so I try not to do that. I try not to let my fear of being attracted to them get in the way of decisions I make. And it's very frustrating. I'm sure a bunch of you know what I'm talking about.

 

[Woodleigh]

Vulvectomy

IMO your comment is ignorant, vile and harmful. I suggest you educate yourself on the subject.

 

[Franny]

Sounds to me like this is a straightforward symptom of OCD. I remember when it was bothering me a lot. I worried I might be some sort of a paedophile, among all sorts of horrible things. And I'd check and check my reactions to things, and the emotions and thoughts I had, until I'd find something that would seem to confirm my worst fears. That was just how it worked, my OCD was really clever, and I don't think it means anything much. I'm not a paedophile, or a suppressed evil criminal, I just sometimes convinced myself that I was. You're not either. Cognitive therapy helped me a lot. Good luck!

 

[de-vin]

Vulvectomy, you apparently have no clue what OCD is about, so im wondering why you got on the OCD page anyway. Seriously, get your head out of your ass dude