Obsessing

SeptembersGold19

SeptembersGold19

Active member
Hi everyone, I'm new here. I am in the same boat as everyone else....I have had this problem for a while. I am 20 years old and I think that my life is f*cked. I am not exaggerating... I try to explain to my Father about this situation and he doesn't understand, he thinks I am just being dramatic. But I literally quit my job because of this...

I just had a few things to say I guess.... I literally obsess over this now. Anytime I watch television or go anywhere I constantly look at people's skin and wish that I had that skin. I was wondering if anyone else does this? Like I literally cannot stop obsessing about it and I cannot stop my mind from thinking about it.

I don't go out in public during the day unless I am drunk, (which is every day anyways) and I only feel comfortable during the night or dark places.

Something that is weird though, is it never used to be THIS bad. I am a recovered heroin addict (clean from dope since July 1)..... and for some reason I never had to worry about blushing when I was on heroin...I actually forgot I even had a blushing problem! And then I got clean, and I remember sitting in the detox in a group and someone said something to me, it wasn't even anything embarrassing but I felt my face go all red..... I was like, oh, sh*t I thought things were supposed to be better off the drugs... not worse.
Now I drink every day and every night, and for some reason I don't have to worry about blushing when I am drunk either, it is weird... and if I do blush I don't give a crap because I am so f*cked up.

Something else is weird too.... I have a lot of anxiety and I will get red blotches on my chest and neck when I'm nervous. This never used to happen before my heroin addiction... it's weird... so I wear turtle necks every day... God forbid when summer comes. And if that doesn't top it off, for some reason my ear and my nose will turn beet red for a few hours every day. And it burns.
I use so much cover up it's not even funny. I found the best cover up ever it's Max Factor and it's like a stick kind, I literally cake it on and I don't really have to worry about blushing too much with this on, BUT Max Factor is going out of business!!!! So now I need to find another cover up!

I just think that it is interesting that whenever I was high or drunk I didn't have to worry about blushing...I am wondering if I get on a good medication maybe this will happen... because whenever I'm on a substance it seems like this doesn't happen to me. But as of right now, this blushing thing and my anxiety is so bad I can't even walk into freaking Walmarts. I'm pissed. It's like I'll be house bound forever.

But back to the subject, I literally can not stop obsessing about this! It's all I think about all day every day. I can't even help it........my Dad thinks that I am being over dramatic and that I'm just being pathetic, but he doesn't understand......
 
PhillyFlyersGrl

PhillyFlyersGrl

1
So, let me see if I have this straight, you had anxiety issues before using..which maybe drove you too using? And now that your not using, your having these problems again.
I dont know if you are in therapy now..but you should be. And medication to help, a non addictive medication, should be perscribed. It takes time to fully feel like a functioning person after using, so you must have patience with yourself.
Baby steps..its all about baby steps. You stopped using and now your going to drink? went from one bad thing to another. Your body and mind need a break and need to get healthy...and that takes time. Like I said for the anxiety, therapy and medication.
 
SeptembersGold19

SeptembersGold19

Active member
I was completely clean for about 3 months before I started drinking.... my anxiety and anxiety about blushing is what makes me drink.... I'll be with my friends and I will refuse to go anywhere in public during the day unless I'm drunk, so that's why I'll drink, knowing that I have to go somewhere. Now that I don't have a job and I'm on a break from school, I was like living at my cousins because he would drink every day with me. But he just went to New Mexico and he's going to be gone for a month, so now I'm back at my Dad's and I'm sober again.. I don't really know anyone down here I'm from New York and relocated here in Tennessee to live with my Dad and to get off dope. And I don't know what I'm going to do when school starts back up... last semester I would get anxiety and then my face would get red and then I would get blotchy so I would hide in the bathroom and have a panic attack. I'm in therapy and stuff but my Dad is tired of paying all of the co pays! So I don't go as much anymore...using isn't my big problem right now it is the blushing and the anxiety and the anxiety about blushing. I hate it!
 
K

Krista

Well-known member
It sounds like you really need help dear. I'd get professional because no one really ever understands how you're feeling but they'll be more able to help you than your dad would. I do hope you get better though and welcome to the forum even though it had to be under such bad circumstances for you.
 
PhillyFlyersGrl

PhillyFlyersGrl

1
Ive had Pure O, I would get random obsessions..not about clear skin or anything, although I have suffered from acne and would get envious if someone had clear beautiful skin...
When people get obsessions it could be just about anything, the most frightning ones is when you fear your gonna hurt someone or yourself, those are the types I've had in the past. I finally learned to tell myself its just OCD, its just OCD, its not me or what I really feel. It helped me doing that. But everyone is different.

Oh, your dad sounds like a real jerk by the way..you need to be in therapy and its ashame he threatens to stop paying for it.
 
PhillyFlyersGrl

PhillyFlyersGrl

1
No please dont apologize, talk about anything you want here..were here to help. Anything on your mind, just ask and we'll help as best we can.
 
D

davey

New member
Hi, I can relate to the obsessing about it thing.

While going off your post I can say that It doesnt affect me to the degree it has effected you it has still caused me to quit a job (3 years ago now) and I too always notice other people's skin and wish I had theirs instead of mine lol!

Its just a really hard thing to stop obsessing over it and youre right, being drunk seems to take the edge off the obsessing and when I am really drunk blushing is almost a none factor. BUT, you cant live your life drunk. Sooner or later your health will be a major issue.
 
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