now what

[aj]

Since June 2007 I tried all of this for the first time...

Getting a job
Starting to ask people to do friendly stuff rather than waiting for them to ask me
Going to the pub with the people from work now and then
Talking to people I worked with more
Talking to new people under the bike/smoking shelter
Talking to people I worked with on Facebook as I'm a hell of a lot more relaxed on there
Texting people
Asking girls out (well if you can call it that)
Going to the pub
Going to the Christmas party and getting a bit pissed to see what happened
and probably other stuff I forgot

and then in November I was spat out and found that absolutely **** all has changed.

Everyone says the same old crap of 'get another job' but I did that and it ended up better than I ever hoped, and look how far that got me.

What do I do now or do I just give up? What else is there? I'm tired. ::

 

[klytus]

Where do you want to go? If you have no clear cut goal, you can't know how far something might have gotten you.

 

[aj]

Yeah I know and it's hard to answer. I suppose as a start it would be nice to have someone think of me eg. start a conversation with me without having to pester them. After that, just someone to do normal stuff with really.

 

[klytus]

Mhh, you know that will take time. Nobody starts a conversation with someone for no reason. The reason might be that they like you - but to get to that point, you have to spend some significant time with them. Another reason might be necessity - they need something from you, hence they contact you. Both possibilities have their pros and cons. However, it is certain that nobody will contact you, if you don't give them a reason to - be it your personality, or your abilities.

 

[aj]

Well yeah. I spent two and a half years trying to show a bit of personality and get to know people. And if I am boring I wish people would just tell me rather than stringing me along. But nobody did.

 

[klytus]

You might be misinterpreting them. The fact that the tolerated you for so long indicates that they do like you. Try to meet more people. Get to know more people, open up, strike up conversations about topics you are passionate about - and, of course, the person you are talking to is, too.

There isn't much more you could do. Always keep in mind that you can't know what people think. Hence it's best not to assume - and most definitely not to assume anything negative.

 

[aj]

I hope I don't sound up myself but when I left they all went on about how much they did like me. Some said it a lot. But they always stopped talking to me when it came to trying to organise any kind of meeting up at the weekend. I tried, I really did.

 

[klytus]

It's partly about being with the right people, too. See, I meet up regularly with a group of six students to talk and discuss the subjects we study. They additionally meet up without me - although they invited me - to play football at the weekend. While I don't play with them, they still like me just as much as before.

You apparently do meet up with them at times. It's not necessary to always be there when they meet up. What exactly do you expect or what? Can you put into words what you feel is missing from your life?

 

[aj]

No, I don't meet up with them at all. I did sometimes at work, but it was only the occasions like people leaving or the Xmas party, ie. when I wasn't specifically invited. I thought that if I started doing that and they saw me socialise a bit then it would help. I felt like part of the group when I was at work! It's not like it didn't go well, and by the end I got told I'd changed a lot. Not enough though I suppose... how much is enough...