Hi all, I'm new to this forum.
There is something that has been bothering me, and I am looking for more perspective and insight into how I can stop this.
My issue is that I often have the tendency to over think things.. It could be work related, family, relationship, whatever. I have been doing this a lot lately with my boyfriend of 5 years. I now feel constantly nervous around him, in terms of I don't know what to say in conversations. It's like I can't be myself, I'm anxious. These feelings started like a seed that was planted 4.5 years ago. One day we went out, about after knowing each other six months, and there was a lull in the conversation..I just didn't have anything to say. (And I'm a person that is always trying to fill the silence, so you can imagine how I felt). From that moment, I went home and had this thought, what if we arent meant to be because we didn't have anything to say for those few minutes? It sounds ridiculous, I know, but it just popped into my head. Rationally, it sounded silly, so I didn't think much of it.
Over the next couple of years, I would feel nervous in conversations, like I was trying to think of something to say, a few times here and there..it was rare, but still happened. I was completely crazy about him, very in love, so I thought I was making a mountain out of a molehill as this was the only single thing that was 'wrong'. Although it was the fear of 'what If hes not the one' that kept leaking into my mind. I had no basis to feel this way, but I was so afraid *if* that were true, and that idea infected my thoughts..I couldn't stop thinking about the what ifs, which made me concentrate on everything I said and every moment. Sometimes I almost want to avoid just the two of us going out together now, because I am afraid of having nothing to say. I've put so much weight on this that I don't know how to take it off.
To add to this, the last two years he has been working a lot to build his company. He works at home, so he'll be up until say 3-4AM and will have one full weekend day, maybe two nights where he is free and we can go out together. I have been understanding of his working alot...until lately I got really, really, sick of it. I'm telling you this background because I think it is a big part of my issue.
Thank you in advance for any thoughts on what I can do about this. I want to be with him... I just want to stop obsessing about what to say and making this an issue.
There is something that has been bothering me, and I am looking for more perspective and insight into how I can stop this.
My issue is that I often have the tendency to over think things.. It could be work related, family, relationship, whatever. I have been doing this a lot lately with my boyfriend of 5 years. I now feel constantly nervous around him, in terms of I don't know what to say in conversations. It's like I can't be myself, I'm anxious. These feelings started like a seed that was planted 4.5 years ago. One day we went out, about after knowing each other six months, and there was a lull in the conversation..I just didn't have anything to say. (And I'm a person that is always trying to fill the silence, so you can imagine how I felt). From that moment, I went home and had this thought, what if we arent meant to be because we didn't have anything to say for those few minutes? It sounds ridiculous, I know, but it just popped into my head. Rationally, it sounded silly, so I didn't think much of it.
Over the next couple of years, I would feel nervous in conversations, like I was trying to think of something to say, a few times here and there..it was rare, but still happened. I was completely crazy about him, very in love, so I thought I was making a mountain out of a molehill as this was the only single thing that was 'wrong'. Although it was the fear of 'what If hes not the one' that kept leaking into my mind. I had no basis to feel this way, but I was so afraid *if* that were true, and that idea infected my thoughts..I couldn't stop thinking about the what ifs, which made me concentrate on everything I said and every moment. Sometimes I almost want to avoid just the two of us going out together now, because I am afraid of having nothing to say. I've put so much weight on this that I don't know how to take it off.
To add to this, the last two years he has been working a lot to build his company. He works at home, so he'll be up until say 3-4AM and will have one full weekend day, maybe two nights where he is free and we can go out together. I have been understanding of his working alot...until lately I got really, really, sick of it. I'm telling you this background because I think it is a big part of my issue.
Thank you in advance for any thoughts on what I can do about this. I want to be with him... I just want to stop obsessing about what to say and making this an issue.
. I'm sure that will "speak" volumes.
