Not sure how much left to give i have

[Strong]

In January I went to a doctor because I couldnt sleep and I got pills. She asked my mom to leave the room and then asked me a bunch of questions. I did tell her I did like working out. So when my mom came back the doctor told her she thought I might have depression but she didnt think that someone with depression would get up and go workout.

These last couple of nights I havent been sleeping well and last night I woke up at 1am just like I did one time last week. Its wierd because I will have a long dream and when I check the time I expected it to be 5 or 6. Not getting sleep again and then going through another rough day of school. Ive still been working out it just feels like a chore now though and isnt as enjoyable anymore. Its the only thing that makes me have self respect for myself now though.

The only people at school who even talk to me are younger than me. I guess they have respect for me because I am a senior though. There is one kid I was having a conversation with and I was shocked to learn he was in 9th grade. If only I had been as smart as him back then. Seeing all these younger kids not being depressed and doing stuff like driving makes me feel bad for myself. If I could turn back the clock I would have tried out for sports but I was too dumb to think about and my mom wouldnt let me.

And after not talking to people at school I dont talk to my parents any more either. They have been asses at points in my life. So yeah I talk to nobody and have never hung out with somebody from school after school. It gets lonely now I cant imagine how im going to feel after my two years of college. Maybe ill be able to find a job that I would be good at.

I dont believe in a afterlive nor do I think god is forgiving when it comes to suicide because he views a life as sacred. If I didnt believe this I would be so done.

If you read all this :cheers:

 

[fate12321]

Hey man, don't throw in the towel just yet. I've been through basically the same thing. High school is just a shear show of ego and drama. It's alright if you haven't done sports or have a huge network of friends. I, too, never got to experience any of that, but I try to not let it bother me. I'm in college now. Sure, things aren't that great, but I still have a chance to change things and I'm pretty sure you will too.

As for you sleeping problems, perhaps it's because of the anxiety. I was never a huge fan of pills to cure insomnia or anxiety, but try other alternatives. Hope you feel better.

 

[Strong]

I had to have fell asleep at 10 something last night but I woke up at 12:54. Couldnt go back to sleep after that. The wierd thing is I have long dreams. The problem used to be falling asleep but know if I do fall my body will just wake me back up. And then I cant fall back asleep.

 

[Xion]

High school is full of *******. I am always ignored and alone in the class almost all the time. I also see my pther classmates have fin without me and it hurts me so much. But there's nothing I can do about it. Fate12321 is right, high school is a show of drama and ego. The people who get the attention are only those who are popular.
As for your sleeping problem, try to be clear on your mind. Clearing your mind helps to stop those dreams. Thats how i cured my insomnia. I would have dreams and wake up and never could sleep before. I found out that I had too many thoughts in my head that made me dream and couldn't sleep. Now, i sleep by clearing my mind and it helps a great deal. I rarely have dreams now.