In January I went to a doctor because I couldnt sleep and I got pills. She asked my mom to leave the room and then asked me a bunch of questions. I did tell her I did like working out. So when my mom came back the doctor told her she thought I might have depression but she didnt think that someone with depression would get up and go workout.
These last couple of nights I havent been sleeping well and last night I woke up at 1am just like I did one time last week. Its wierd because I will have a long dream and when I check the time I expected it to be 5 or 6. Not getting sleep again and then going through another rough day of school. Ive still been working out it just feels like a chore now though and isnt as enjoyable anymore. Its the only thing that makes me have self respect for myself now though.
The only people at school who even talk to me are younger than me. I guess they have respect for me because I am a senior though. There is one kid I was having a conversation with and I was shocked to learn he was in 9th grade. If only I had been as smart as him back then. Seeing all these younger kids not being depressed and doing stuff like driving makes me feel bad for myself. If I could turn back the clock I would have tried out for sports but I was too dumb to think about and my mom wouldnt let me.
And after not talking to people at school I dont talk to my parents any more either. They have been asses at points in my life. So yeah I talk to nobody and have never hung out with somebody from school after school. It gets lonely now I cant imagine how im going to feel after my two years of college. Maybe ill be able to find a job that I would be good at.
I dont believe in a afterlive nor do I think god is forgiving when it comes to suicide because he views a life as sacred. If I didnt believe this I would be so done.
If you read all this :cheers:
These last couple of nights I havent been sleeping well and last night I woke up at 1am just like I did one time last week. Its wierd because I will have a long dream and when I check the time I expected it to be 5 or 6. Not getting sleep again and then going through another rough day of school. Ive still been working out it just feels like a chore now though and isnt as enjoyable anymore. Its the only thing that makes me have self respect for myself now though.
The only people at school who even talk to me are younger than me. I guess they have respect for me because I am a senior though. There is one kid I was having a conversation with and I was shocked to learn he was in 9th grade. If only I had been as smart as him back then. Seeing all these younger kids not being depressed and doing stuff like driving makes me feel bad for myself. If I could turn back the clock I would have tried out for sports but I was too dumb to think about and my mom wouldnt let me.
And after not talking to people at school I dont talk to my parents any more either. They have been asses at points in my life. So yeah I talk to nobody and have never hung out with somebody from school after school. It gets lonely now I cant imagine how im going to feel after my two years of college. Maybe ill be able to find a job that I would be good at.
I dont believe in a afterlive nor do I think god is forgiving when it comes to suicide because he views a life as sacred. If I didnt believe this I would be so done.
If you read all this :cheers:
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