Not Having Much To Say

[kiwi]

Damn even on this site sometimes I begin replying to a post then I cancel because I either can't think of anything to say, or because I don't think it adds anything to the thread!

Grrr, I envy those people who can just talk about anything and everything!

Better hit Send before I change my mind....

 

[kiwi]

I wonder if there are any mental exercises to improve the part of our brain that's involved in conversation?

Does anyone else watch the improv programme 'Whose Line Is It Anyway'? I am in awe of those guys who can think so quickly on their feet. If only I had a tenth of their ability.

 

[kiwi]

There are books out there on techniques for Small Talk - how to greet, opening lines, how to find topics to talk about, how to keep the conversation going (practice changing a yes/no question into an open ended question), etc.

Yeah I've read books like "How To Win Friends and Influence People" that have tips like that, and they tend to emphasise getting the other person to talk by asking questions. And yes that might keep a conversation going , but I'd like to be able to think of things to say that keep the other person interested, like remembering interesting things that happened to me, or something funny I saw on TV etc.

Sometimes I will watch a TV programme and then mention it to someone, and they will ask me what it was about, and I will struggle to tell them about it! It's like my mind goes blank and unless I sit down and think it through, I can't recount things easily.

I even struggle to remember a single joke. I remember once during a course I was doing for work, the instructor asked us all to tell a joke during the lunch break, and I was wracking my brain trying to think of even one! It's not that I don't remember them, because if someone tells me a joke I've heard I'll know, but I just can't dig it out of my memory banks and convert into words.

I think this is the key to my SA actually. I fear being in situations where I can't think of anything to say.

 

[redlady]

kiwi wrote:

Does anyone else watch the improv programme 'Whose Line Is It Anyway'? I am in awe of those guys who can think so quickly on their feet. If only I had a tenth of their ability.

I am in awe of those guys and the occassional gal as well - they just astound me.
Well as you can tell i am quite comfortable replying to posts - i don't know...i guess i don't like the idea of this place being like the real world. A world in which i am quite the mute. I just let go and write and send. If what you are saying isn't insulting then what the hey - go for it man. You never know, what you have to say could very well help someone - or just plain entertain them.

 

[kiwi]

Well as you can tell i am quite comfortable replying to posts - i don't know...i guess i don't like the idea of this place being like the real world. A world in which i am quite the mute. I just let go and write and send.

Although I am more vocal on groups like this than in the real world, I still find it hard to think of things to say. Though in the real world I almost clam up totally in groups of more than, say, 4 people, so in that respect I'm a lot better here

So for you, is the problem (in the real world) not thinking of things to say, but being able to come out and say them?

 

[redlady]

My main problem is coming out and saying what is on my mind. Sometimes i have trouble with verbalising my thoughts and i end up sounding confusing and i get THAT LOOK ( You know, the 'What the hell are you going on about' look ) The fear of that happening is something that stops me. I also lack a real desire to actually get engaged in conversations in real life. I have to fight myself when i am talking with someone and i would just prefer not to. I don't experience that here - i guess because we are all in the same boat - there is a sense of understanding here that i lack in real life.

 

[kiwi]

How do you find online chat, like MSN? Do you find verbalising your thoughts hard there as well?

I find there are moments in MSN when I just can't think of a reply, and sometimes I have my fingers hovering above the keyboard wanting to type something, anything, but my mind goes blank.

When I have thoughts I can usually verbalise them okay, although sometimes not as eloquently as I'd like. But too often my mind is just blank

 

[Tseng]

I get this problem too, especially when I'm asked a question my mind goes completely blank and I can't think of anything. Even whan I do think of something to say I don't say it in case it souds stupid. I've never had that much trouble talking on msn but I dont really as I have a little more time to think, but the few people I used talk with did'nt really say much and I just kept asking questions and receiving one or two word answers.

 

[jamez]

It pretty much sucks that I'm not able to get involved in the many conversations that surround me. But I think you'll find that most people don't really have much to say, and most conversations are quite plain.

Recently, I've lost interest in most things and I'm working on that now but have a closer listen and you'll find that everyone around you are shit talkers.

 

[justsomebloke25]

I can totally relate to what you're saying , Kiwi. I always have trouble thinking of what to say in real lif and on boards like this.

I try and deal with it in real life by finding out lots about someone so tha I've always got plenty to ask them about. (the trouble is that makes me quite selective about who I talk to as I can't be bothered with the effort of learning about someone I don't consider a friend :lol: )

But I still struggle sometimes. There's this girl who's pretty much my best friend, I talk to her every day at work. But today she came up and spoke to me and started telling me about her weeekend and I just couldn't think of anything to say back to her. So I end up just sort of nodding and agreeing with her. She's one of these pepole who can just chat away to anyone about anything and I admire her so much for being able to do that. And i get frustrated myself cos I don't want to sound like I'm bored by her but I think that's how I must come across sometimes.