Not being able to be there for others is getting me down.

[EscapeArtist]

Hey all, how's life. I've been feeling something lately and I can't find people that relate, they seem afraid of my neurotic-ism. Anyways, I have agoraphobia/generalized anxiety disorder. I can't leave the house lately to see friends unless they are in my direct vicinity (small ish town, 10 minute bike ride, I can only go at night etc etc). At the same time, I'm just learning about asking for help from friends and being vulnerable and honest about how I am feeling. I feel like a massive hypocrite and it's launching my anxious brain into feelings of self destructiveness.

My biggest trigger for self harm is that moment when you are swinging back and forth, all ready to go and dressed, to go to not to go to go can i go what if what if what if, nooo... and then the brain starts saying i'm a terrible friend who doesn't deserve support myself. More so i'm not used to this level of anxiety anymore, so it's putting me in a funk.
Just want to see if anybody can relate because that'd sure make me feel less useless. Have any words of wisdom?

 

[DeadmanWalking]

Well, I think asking for help and explaining things to your friends is the first, and most important, step in getting past this. I'm pretty sure you've already done it, but, just be sure you really sit your friends down and explain to them what's going on in your head. Explain to them how you feel about not showing up for them and how that truly does tear you up inside. They need to understand where you're coming from on this, so they can help you be better.

After that, ask them for help because this really does sound like something you'll need help to beat. Force yourself to uphold your commitments and see if your friends can help you, like if they can come by and grab you to drive out to where you need to go. Reward yourself for being able to uphold them and challenge yourself to do more, like telling yourself if you can keep it all up for a week, you'll get something that you've always wanted like a book or a movie you've always wanted to buy. And, for those moments you truly can't make it, don't beat yourself up over it. If you've explained things to your friends, they should understand and they won't blame or attack you for it. Just don't let failure stop you from trying. You can become the person you want to be as long as you never give up and keep trying.