no feelings

[LazyHermitCrab]

I'm not sure what happend but I don't feel anything just frusteration. My bf gets mad at me for not having problems. I tell him i'm worried about getting a good job and stuff but he won't accept it? I'm not sure what to say, should I say I have SA? I mean I do have feelings it's just that I can't express them actually. I can pretend to be happy and it's easier then discussing i'm sad blah blah because it actually bores me to talk about it. Like oh so "I avoid people" um not sure how that will help. It seems to speak for itself. Maybe I would be better with someone more optimistic. It's just draining to try to share things. For instance i told him i'm working hard for a college degree. His response is something like well what are you gonna do with it? You don't want a job like you have now and you might end up waisting your time. This isn't positive at all. I guess i'm sharing now though? Anyone else??

 

[Section_31]

awww hermit,

Im sorry your going through this. My wife is like this too, its very difficult for her to share things or talk about them....What you need is understanding and supoprt, not....pointing out of things.

I used to be like him quite a bit. I didnt realize at the time i was being a total asshat. I realize now how i came across and i understand what your saying.

Have you tried telling him how you feel when he says that kind of thing? I so what does he say?

Also, how long have yuo two been together?

 

[sullyS25]

I'm not sure what happend but I don't feel anything just frusteration. My bf gets mad at me for not having problems.

I would find someone more optimistic. This is ridiculous. A partner is supposed to care for you and comfort you when you feel bad (at least that is what I have always thought :). What this tells me is that he wants the opposite. He prefers you suffer because he is suffering and he wants company. You deserve better than this.

 

[LazyHermitCrab]

awww hermit,

Im sorry your going through this. My wife is like this too, its very difficult for her to share things or talk about them....What you need is understanding and supoprt, not....pointing out of things.

I used to be like him quite a bit. I didnt realize at the time i was being a total asshat. I realize now how i came across and i understand what your saying.

Have you tried telling him how you feel when he says that kind of thing? I so what does he say?

Also, how long have yuo two been together?

Thanks this helps lots. About a year

 

[LazyHermitCrab]

I would find someone more optimistic. This is ridiculous. A partner is supposed to care for you and comfort you when you feel bad (at least that is what I have always thought :). What this tells me is that he wants the opposite. He prefers you suffer because he is suffering and he wants company. You deserve better than this.

He's not always pessismistic. He tries to support me which I didn't write. It's just I don't like complaining as much as some people. He thinks i'm faking it sometimes because he sees me sad at work because of not being able to connect with people sometimes and wonders why I don't complain about it later. We should just work at different places because I feel like he's watching me :/

 

[sullyS25]

Then perhaps he is upset because he knows something is up and there is no communication about how you feel on your side. I dont know much about relationships but I do know that communication is huge and it seems like he doesn't know that you struggle with anxiety in social situations....that seems like it would be a pretty big thing to discuss with someone you are in a relationship with eh? I could be wrong and if I am I apologize but that is how it seemed to me after reading that last message.

 

[LazyHermitCrab]

Then perhaps he is upset because he knows something is up and there is no communication about how you feel on your side. I dont know much about relationships but I do know that communication is huge and it seems like he doesn't know that you struggle with anxiety in social situations....that seems like it would be a pretty big thing to discuss with someone you are in a relationship with eh? I could be wrong and if I am I apologize but that is how it seemed to me after reading that last message.

Yeah maybe It's just that he knows i'm shy and even said how he knows shy people are different after you get to know them. I don't think he knows it's as bad as it is inside. He even said oh if you ever throw a suprise party for me do this and that. I'm thinking does he think someone like me would enjoy throwing a surprise party? I want to though it's just hard. At work I even time myself to avoid the most people and pretend i'm busy doing something when really i just pretend to be busy. It takes so much just to show up and see his roomates there. I just don't know how to explain this to him really :/ I don't think I would improve if I told him anyway.

 

[sullyS25]

I dont know you might not improve but your relationship with him would if he knew how you truly felt. If you keep it hidden nothing good will come from it either and these confrontations or whatever you want to call them will continue and will eventually get worse because he won't have any idea where you are coming from...I dont think talking to him about the way things are for you in social situations. How can he support or help you in any way if he has no idea how you are feeling?