No drive to go to work now- feel rejected

[grapevine]

The one thing that I would go to work for- he is gone now. And so I feel devasted. This person befriended me and stuff- its in my diary.

But I know I will most likely never see him again, even though he could contact me - I bet he never will. Never.

So it really hurts and feels so much like rejection- even before its started.

So I just feel this awful news I got today- that is on top of my already severe depression and I just dont want to go to work now- there is no drive - there is nothing and nobody in my life . I fell for someone like that- even if it was even just for a friend.

I really dont know how to get over this now. How can I make this better?

There is nothing in work anymore that pleases me. Whats the point- I cant even be creative anymore and I dont really want to.

Im getting so dangerous in this depression - its too much for me - I mean he was a sign of normalcy at work I guess and security - someone who was always there and to laugh with, and to feel feminine. And now all that is gone. : ( ...

 

[Megaten]

You might get mad from me saying this, but I think you got a lucky break. I think that dude would have eventually driven you completely insane or made you quit working there anyways. Ive been in situations where I was obsessed with someone that pretty much went "meh..." when looking back at me, and I can say Im glad they're no longer around or I'd probably be an alcoholic by now. This break away from all that craziness at work could be a good time for you to find yourself.

 

[grapevine]

No I understand completely. I get it. But it still really hurts because I am once again rejected.

He had a thing to come into work today and save his job with help from our boss but never turned up and of course I am taking that personally.

And then I look in the window mirror at work and see my face all long and funky esp when I talk and show my teeth- my tiny jaw -
and now im at home wanting to crawl away from the world and never be seen once again.
But I have to back there in a half an hour.

Its all too hard- I am not coping at all. I messaged the guy last night just to say it was not right being sacked for nothing and hoping the future is bright etc. I never got a reply -not that I was expecting. But I realise over and over that he is not my friend - though I thought he kind of was. He is not even my friend on FB anyway - and I guess all that time he never liked me - he doesnt care because im not pretty and that is where it hurts esp with this bdd. Hes infatuated with some other blonde now in some delusional world.

I just thought there was always something there - even a friendship but I guess Im nothing to him - and it hurts that I was so and still infatuated.

And at work its so empty. I just dont want to go out or be seen - I feel like quiting my job and being a hermit again. I feel like this bdd this rejection and this full on depression are all way too much for me.

 

[Megaten]

Yeah I know you have bdd, which is why I thought that was a lucky break. If he has a fetish going on full stop, that would have just been extremely toxic for you personally. It would be like an arachnophobic dating someone with pet spiders. I dont even have BDD, but if I was around a woman that was constantly talking about guys with six pack abs and pecs it would mess with my head too. Not trying to throw the guy under the bus, but it just looked like it would have been unhealthy.

Also on a positive note, he did show interest. So I doubt its about your attractiveness that he broke off communication. The dude could have his own issues or might have just lost the will and motivation. You said he had mental issues and got into trouble at work right? So he probably has stuff going on that may not really have anything to do with you specifically.

Edit: I thought I should add the reason I mentioned will and motivation is because Ive personally done that with friendships. Ill start off trying to be friends with people, then get exhausted and cant do it anymore. It takes a LOT of work and energy to build things with people so I could possibly have hurt many peoples feelings by just disappearing.