No desire for friends

[recluse]

I think i am using the excuse that i am shy to avoid having friends. I don't know how i can explain this but i can't be bothered to make the effort to better my social phobia to find friends. On the whole i find people to be draining but also i am painfully lonely and depressed. I have aqquaintances at work but outside of work i don't feel the need to be social, probably because being with people at work tires me out. Being in the company of others is draining for me. When i am alone i don't have to worry about saying something which sounds stupid, i don't have to worry about the way i act, i don't have to think of something meaningless to say just to break uncomfortable silences, after most conversations are pointless and are only used to break silences.

 

[ooSOULCRYoo]

U need a friend that will like you no matter what. A friend that accepts you for who u are. A friend that see's the real person inside.

 

[4seasons]

I am the exact same way. I don't have a clue what to do.

 

[Day_Tripper]

You're used to being depressed. I think the idea of having friends freaks you out a bit, because you need motivation to make friends, and it comes with responsibilities too. Plus, you're afraid that he does a bunch of stuff that you don't do, and you'll feel inferior. Am I right?

 

[Thelema]

You're used to being depressed. I think the idea of having friends freaks you out a bit, because you need motivation to make friends, and it comes with responsibilities too. Plus, you're afraid that he does a bunch of stuff that you don't do, and you'll feel inferior. Am I right?

Yep, he's used to being depressed and is going back and forth between thinking he doesn't need friends and the truth that he wants friends, but doesn't think he's good enough for friends. I know because I've been there and I'm not out of the woods yet either.

 

[dottie]

i totally understand. it's like i want friends but once i am off of work and out of school i feel so drained that i don't really have the energy to bother with the responsibilities of keeping in contact. it's like i value that precious little time that i can be *alone* and i don't want to be bothered calling people or anything. i just want to hide out.

 

[PhantomPod]

i totally understand. it's like i want friends but once i am off of work and out of school i feel so drained that i don't really have the energy to bother with the responsibilities of keeping in contact. it's like i value that precious little time that i can be *alone* and i don't want to be bothered calling people or anything. i just want to hide out.

I feel the exact same way.

 

[recluse]

When i was younger, in my primary school days i had lots of friends coming around and we'd go and explore and make dens and stuff like that, but the truth is i always felt that i did not have any real friends, and that these boys from school were coming around to my house because we have quite large gardens. Anyway by the time we got to high school we had kind of drifted apart, and i had become withdrawn because i was being teased about various stuff such as the fact that i was quite podgy. One time my cousin who was also my friend phoned me to invite me over to his house, and he had this older boy with him who was the school badass...Turns out it was an ambush and they shot me in the head with a slingshot as i was walking away. It hurt so much that so called friends could be so hurtfull, so that's one factor which turned me into a social phobe.

 

[thequietone]

I honestly had no desire for friends for years for the same reason---they are draining, they judge you, it's too much work to keep up friendships and not enough pluses in return. Recently I've taken a half step forward. I WANT to want friends. And that little change has made me give myself a goal: Become acquaintances with a couple people from school. Talk to someone in my classes. So I've done that, and even that wears me out, but I keep trying. However, I still have no idea how people make real friends (I started a thread about it ).
You know, the kind you invite over your house, watch movies with, the kind you go shopping with and "party" with (although that sounds scary). Then I begin to doubt myself, do I really want friends?
My younger siblings seem to have no trouble with this. I wonder what the secret is.

 

[kyle]

I think i am using the excuse that i am shy to avoid having friends. I don't know how i can explain this but i can't be bothered to make the effort to better my social phobia to find friends. On the whole i find people to be draining but also i am painfully lonely and depressed. I have aqquaintances at work but outside of work i don't feel the need to be social, probably because being with people at work tires me out. Being in the company of others is draining for me. When i am alone i don't have to worry about saying something which sounds stupid, i don't have to worry about the way i act, i don't have to think of something meaningless to say just to break uncomfortable silences, after most conversations are pointless and are only used to break silences.

Try to make friends. You will definitely regret it in 10 years. Don't be afraid of rejection. There will be friends for you that will understand your situation