"nice guy" syndrome

[asdf]

how many of you guys think you have this? you agree with everything and everyone, afraid of voicing your opinion, afraid of conflicts, easily walked on?

what did you guys do to help fight this?

ive tried to stop being so nice and i always felt like a douchebag afterwards and people think im acting like a dick. i don't know if this is because im not used to it and other people are not used to me asserting myself, or if im doing something wrong.

any ideas?

 

[Joldo]

I know what you mean, everyone at work thinks I'm really nice and helpful guy because if I get told to do something by someone higher up than me, I simply just get on with it. I don't complain or argue ect because the things I'm getting told to do are part of my job, its not like I really have a choice. But really I hate most people and I have alot of controversial opinions but no one ever gets to know me well enough to see that.

 

[Vancouver]

Haha. I always post shit about this. One thing that helps to quit being overly nice (or to keep from getting walked on), is to face the discomfort head on. It might sound terrifying, but the more you do it is the easier it gets.

Always remember - when you're walking on eggshells, you're doing no one a favor. Not you, not anyone else. In fact, some people will probably even respect you more when you unearth that backbone power and say what's on your mind. None of this is to say you have to start being a jerk to people for no reason, either. All you gotta do is find that balance.

 

[asdf]

ya finding that balance between not being overly nice and not coming off as an ahole can be tuff.

 

[JohnnyCharm]

wow. i had some conflicts with this earliertoday. i hate when you try to please everybody and it jst feels like you get stepped on for it... so earlier today, after getting taken advantage of, i decided to end this party. i decided to start being a jerk. just like that person said above, i actually got a ton of well deserved respect for it too! guess that its imortant to not be so afraid of hurting other peoples feelings. cause even when i was in jerk mode, i didn't hurt anyones feelings i was just more asserting

 

[Doomed2Die]

You know, it is possible to turn yourself into a 'true' niceguy. You know, unjudgemental always smiling, calm, but also passionate about stuff, listening more than talking, friendly, respectful. ect. People tend to trust and like them.

I prefer this than the other side of the scale. And I have to say, its something im aiming for. Then again its a whole different spectrum of thought and needs lots of changes to make it happen.

 

[JohnnyCharm]

i dont wanna be a true nice guy! i think id rather be a jerk then somebody who goes around tryng to please every one else!!

 

[recluse]

I can relate to this. I am afraid of confrontation and voicing my opinions because i am afraid that people are going to hate me. I've been told in the past that i am too nice for my own good, but i think i have become wiser since then. When i was working in my first job i used to give rides to people to work for free, because i was too afraid to ask for petrol money. The most decent people gave me money straight out though.

 

[Craig9001]

5hit some of you are nice guys all the time. My problem is only around good looking women. My bird that dumped me last week, told me I was too much of a nice guy! This is purely because I have so much anxiety around her and just agree with everything she said and didn't ever have strong opinions. At work and general life though, I am far from a push over. I am actually an introvert around people I know well and very confident. I just turn into a wuss around good looking women and talking to groups of people.

I can't wait to get this problem sorted, I can't believe I have lived my whole life with it and didn't know I had it. I just though it was normal and everyone gets it.[/img]

 

[Infected_Malignity]

When you try to please everybody, it's your inner fear manifesting in the outside world. What helps is to remember that social anxiety has very little to do with your actions (how you treat others) or how your treated, and a lot to do with the way you think. Realize it's an inner conflict, not one based on how you're acting or the words you speak.

And like I said before - being TOO much of a nice guy or TOO much of a jerk can both be imbalances. If you're unhappy with yourself, try targeting your inner self and treating that as the problem - not so much how you act toward other people.