New here - I feel like I'm at the end of my rope!

Desperate_Attempt

Desperate_Attempt

New member
Hello everyone,

I've been diagnosed with OCD. I knew that I've had it for a long time but it really started to come out in just the past three years. In the past three years, I've dealt with illogical thoughts pertaining to Health and Religion, to work and my relationship.

I've been diagnosed just this past month. I've been on medication to help treat this disorder for the past week, while I've been going to therapy for the past month!

Anyway, my latest OCD has a lot to do with my relationship to my fiancee, and it's scaring me. I've been having thoughts wondering if she is the one for me or not, or do I really love her. I absolutely love her and I can't picture my life without her. There are times I feel such a joy in my heart to have her in my life and then my mind takes over and questions that love for her. I've told her that I'll be dedicated and devoted to her for the rest of my life, and I still want to do that but my mind throws in thoughts of what my life would be like apart from her. My mind also tells me whether my saying "I love you" to her is real and genuine or not. My mind also throws the thought of whether or not my smiles are fake. I feel I have the incessant need to be euphoric all the time, which anyone will tell you, you can't be eupohric all the time in a relationship. I understand all of the logical thoughts to counteract the illogical ones but it doesn't seem to be getting through! I'm feeling sad and depressed because I can't get sleep like I want to (because of Anxiety and/or withdrawing from an Anti-Anxiety med).

As for my fiancee, she told me that she'll always support me no matter what I'm going through and that she'll be there for me. She hasn't done anything to make me think that I should leave her or not love her (i.e she doesn't cheat, isn't an alcoholic, isn't into drugs, etc.) but my mind is being totally irrational.

I guess what I'm looking for is someone in this forum who knows what I'm going through or understands what I'm going through and how they had coped with this. My biggest fear is that I'll come out into the light at the end of the tunnel and realize that all these thoughts are in my heart. That bothers me the most, since I don't want to lose my fiancee. If there's anyone out there who can help me, plase, I'm desperate and I need help. Sorry for the long post but I'm really scared to death about what I'm going through. Thank you!
 
RedRibbons

RedRibbons

Well-known member
Hi, I know how it feels.. I've been dealing with obsessive thinking for about 7 or 8 years now.. Without medication. I don't know what your motivation is to be on medication - but if it's only because you fear the thoughts.. I wouldn't be using it.

The thing is with OCD, is that we tend to latch onto the negative thoughts and think there is something seriously wrong because we have the thoughts. As opposed to someone who doesn't have OCD who is more capable of letting go of the thoughts. I think this occurs because a person with OCD is more apt to doubt their own feelings(to a higher degree) than a person without OCD. We end up questioning our every thought and thinking that if we have a bad thought it must make it true.

The fact of the matter is, is that every person on this planet has good and bad thoughts. As much as it's okay to have the good thoughts, it's okay (and only natural) to have the bad thoughts as well. It doesn't mean they are true. Also, it's important to understand that the bad thoughts are real possibilities.. But you need to learn to be okay with those real possibilities. It doesn't mean the entire world is going to fall apart before your eyes. When you can learn to accept these thoughts and let them go as just thoughts you'll gain a certain clarity and confidence in your true feelings.

Life is full of tough questions that we need to answer. Think about what is important to you, in your life. What do you want the most in life and how do you plan on achieving it. What are your values and principles? Maybe if you bring these thoughts to the forefront you will gain more understanding about your motivation and what drives you to do the things you do in life. :)

You'll be all right.
 
meme

meme

Well-known member
ive not been throught that specifically, but i have had many things where i think, "do i really hate it or is it my ocd?" i think ocd has a tendency to make a person feel divided. for me, i feel like ocd is the worst part of myself. its almost like an identity clash. jekyl and hyde sorta. anyways, maybe think about what you know is true. really true. things like math, but also personal things, about people youve known a long time. think about how you met your fancee and how you feel while with her. also, GIVE THIS TIME! ocd is a panicky thing, but you must slow it down. also, try confiding in people who really know you. for me, i love factual things because its not debatable like so many of thoughts are
 
GloomySunday

GloomySunday

Well-known member
Desperate_Attempt said:
I've been having thoughts wondering if she is the one for me or not, or do I really love her. I absolutely love her and I can't picture my life without her. There are times I feel such a joy in my heart to have her in my life and then my mind takes over and questions that love for her.
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I've had a fair few relationships in my life (and was once married too) and I have to say that what you have written here sounds completely normal to me!

These kinds of thoughts, to my way of thinking, are completely rational. I think most people go through these kinds of inner conflicts, they just don't always articulate them...or dare to.

It sounds like you have a great and understanding partner there, someone you can really open up and talk to. That's so rare in this life. It also sounds like someone you should hold onto!
 
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