New here, hope to make friends & be a friend

[greenpilgrim]

Hi. I seem to be older than most of you people on the boards, or the ones I've been reading anyway. I'm a 53 year old married woman with three grown children and 6 grandchildren. I suffer from social anxiety and have realized it's getting much worse. I've decided to take responsibility for it and do something about it. So here I am.

My parents moved away about 5 years ago and all of my children followed suit. This simply fed the abandonment issues & rejection I had felt all my life. Now I find myself reeling from the losses and trying desperately not to take it personally, but I sit alone. My husband works long hours and I try not to be a drag on him. I have reconnected with one old friend. I have a job where I work alone at all times. I am a Christian but cannot go to church for the anxiety caused by the amount of people there. I get confused & hot when I around crowds, especially those where I am expected to interact with others. I like to think of myself as a kind person and believe I really am, but I interpret reactions to myself mistakingly I think as rejection most often. Of course, I'm trying to convince myself I'm mistaken but I've come to the conclusion my sense of rejection may stem from an exaggerated sense of self-importance too. I don't know, that's why I'm here. Please write to me and help me reconnect to the world as I try to help you do the same. I'm sick to death of this loneliness and despair.

 

[mmmm]

Hi and welcome. Sorry you're feeling lonely but you are most certainly not alone. I hope SPW will help fill the hours when your husband is out.

 

[kayelle]

Hi greenpilgrim Welcome to the forum! I really hope you can get some support here, and that you can realise that what your feeling is normal for people with anxiety. Are you getting any therapy for it? I would definitely recommend it, you don't have to live your life feeling like this! You can overcome it, especially if you get over the problems you have with abandonment issues, I have the same problems and therapy has been great for that. Anyways, welcome to the forum, I hope you start to feel better soon!

 

[greenpilgrim]

Yes, I am looking for a therapist in my area. I live in the Texas Panhandle.If anyone knows of any good ones around here, please let me know. Also, there's a chance I may be moving to North West Arkansas in the next few months. If so, the University of Arkansas has a psych department & a clinic, so I may be able to get help there if I'm unable to find a good therapist here.

 

[userremoved]

I know how you feel, I have a hard time going to my church too. People might understand though if you tell some of them, at least I hope. Me being a guy it seems like it's expected for me to be bold all the time lol. Anyways I do hope you find some encouragement here.

 

[greenpilgrim]

I know how you feel, I have a hard time going to my church too. People might understand though if you tell some of them, at least I hope. Me being a guy it seems like it's expected for me to be bold all the time lol. Anyways I do hope you find some encouragement here.

Thanks for the encouragement. I got to where I was having a hard time even going to the grocery store. At work, I work alone so it's easier. I do have to deal with clients, but I don't have many throughout the night so I can get them in and out of here pretty quick. I work three nights a week ,& stay home the rest of the week, much of it alone while hubby at work. I think setting myself up to be alone though has betrayed me into getting worse. I have a family reunion looming in September that is really stressing me out. I don't want to see any of those people, though I love them all ( well most of them, eh, a few of them). It's so stressful they can't even know. They're having it here in the town where I live! Why? It's a central location. So I can't even bugger out for work reasons.