unluckstuck
New member
Hi. I think I'm suffering from social phobia but it's so on and off that it just makes me feel like I'm going crazy. My days can be described as bad, neutral, and fantastic.
Bad Days: bad days range from uncomfortable to embarrassing
Really bad looks like me picking at things in front of me (clothes, nails, furniture, etc.) and I can't even look at my best friends in the face. I trip over every word and I'm very scatterbrained. My self esteem takes a nose dive after realizing what kind of day it's going to be, therefore worsening the problem. Then somewhere inside me starts screaming that I'm just a freak (and everyone knows it because it's obvious) and asking me why do I have to be so stupid. What's wrong with you? Why can't you be normal? (That sounds out a lot harsher typed out... ouch) This thought pattern bleeds into the classic "Why can't I ever be good enough?"
Followed by feelings of ugliness. Then I just want to go home and hide.
Neutral Days: feeling slightly uncomfortable to average.
walking through groups of people makes me feel uneasy, sometimes I feel like people are looking at me. Certain people or situations make me uncomfortable. Mostly great days though.
Fantastic Days: My personality flows like running water and spills onto everything I do. Conversation is no problem, and I might even initiate it! My speech is flawless. I feel relaxed and confident.
Then it becomes that much more devastating (and confusing) when I go from a Fantastic-type day to bad day the next. What the heck happened? Why can't I stay in one zone?
I recently moved to a new city and I'm really lonely. I want local friends and relationships but I just can't click with anyone here and my social issues get in the way of getting to know people. I'm so frustrated. My life is not unbearable but it can be difficult. I hate being so shy.
And the thing is is that I'm in school and I work. It'd be difficult to schedule an appointment with a psychiatrist or therapist because I'm very busy and would have to schedule the time off from work two weeks in advance, and asking for time off makes me so nervous. I'm terrified of getting fired or disliked by my boss.
I used to be on meds a long time ago for depression which went away and I quit. I hate most medications so much because I don't feel like my authentic self at all. That type of peace just isn't real. (sorry, just my experience) I refuse to take meds again. Although I'm not opposed to episodic medications like beta blockers and Xanax for emergencies.
What's your experience like?
I feel so stuck and alone. :/
Bad Days: bad days range from uncomfortable to embarrassing
Really bad looks like me picking at things in front of me (clothes, nails, furniture, etc.) and I can't even look at my best friends in the face. I trip over every word and I'm very scatterbrained. My self esteem takes a nose dive after realizing what kind of day it's going to be, therefore worsening the problem. Then somewhere inside me starts screaming that I'm just a freak (and everyone knows it because it's obvious) and asking me why do I have to be so stupid. What's wrong with you? Why can't you be normal? (That sounds out a lot harsher typed out... ouch) This thought pattern bleeds into the classic "Why can't I ever be good enough?"
Followed by feelings of ugliness. Then I just want to go home and hide.
Neutral Days: feeling slightly uncomfortable to average.
walking through groups of people makes me feel uneasy, sometimes I feel like people are looking at me. Certain people or situations make me uncomfortable. Mostly great days though.
Fantastic Days: My personality flows like running water and spills onto everything I do. Conversation is no problem, and I might even initiate it! My speech is flawless. I feel relaxed and confident.
Then it becomes that much more devastating (and confusing) when I go from a Fantastic-type day to bad day the next. What the heck happened? Why can't I stay in one zone?
I recently moved to a new city and I'm really lonely. I want local friends and relationships but I just can't click with anyone here and my social issues get in the way of getting to know people. I'm so frustrated. My life is not unbearable but it can be difficult. I hate being so shy.
And the thing is is that I'm in school and I work. It'd be difficult to schedule an appointment with a psychiatrist or therapist because I'm very busy and would have to schedule the time off from work two weeks in advance, and asking for time off makes me so nervous. I'm terrified of getting fired or disliked by my boss.
I used to be on meds a long time ago for depression which went away and I quit. I hate most medications so much because I don't feel like my authentic self at all. That type of peace just isn't real. (sorry, just my experience) I refuse to take meds again. Although I'm not opposed to episodic medications like beta blockers and Xanax for emergencies.
What's your experience like?
I feel so stuck and alone. :/