New here, can you relate? Am I making mountains out of molehills?

[unluckstuck]

Hi. I think I'm suffering from social phobia but it's so on and off that it just makes me feel like I'm going crazy. My days can be described as bad, neutral, and fantastic.

Bad Days: bad days range from uncomfortable to embarrassing
Really bad looks like me picking at things in front of me (clothes, nails, furniture, etc.) and I can't even look at my best friends in the face. I trip over every word and I'm very scatterbrained. My self esteem takes a nose dive after realizing what kind of day it's going to be, therefore worsening the problem. Then somewhere inside me starts screaming that I'm just a freak (and everyone knows it because it's obvious) and asking me why do I have to be so stupid. What's wrong with you? Why can't you be normal? (That sounds out a lot harsher typed out... ouch) This thought pattern bleeds into the classic "Why can't I ever be good enough?"
Followed by feelings of ugliness. Then I just want to go home and hide.

Neutral Days: feeling slightly uncomfortable to average.
walking through groups of people makes me feel uneasy, sometimes I feel like people are looking at me. Certain people or situations make me uncomfortable. Mostly great days though.

Fantastic Days: My personality flows like running water and spills onto everything I do. Conversation is no problem, and I might even initiate it! My speech is flawless. I feel relaxed and confident.

Then it becomes that much more devastating (and confusing) when I go from a Fantastic-type day to bad day the next. What the heck happened? Why can't I stay in one zone?


I recently moved to a new city and I'm really lonely. I want local friends and relationships but I just can't click with anyone here and my social issues get in the way of getting to know people. I'm so frustrated. My life is not unbearable but it can be difficult. I hate being so shy.

And the thing is is that I'm in school and I work. It'd be difficult to schedule an appointment with a psychiatrist or therapist because I'm very busy and would have to schedule the time off from work two weeks in advance, and asking for time off makes me so nervous. I'm terrified of getting fired or disliked by my boss.

I used to be on meds a long time ago for depression which went away and I quit. I hate most medications so much because I don't feel like my authentic self at all. That type of peace just isn't real. (sorry, just my experience) I refuse to take meds again. Although I'm not opposed to episodic medications like beta blockers and Xanax for emergencies.

What's your experience like?

I feel so stuck and alone. :/

 

[Diend]

i'm assuming the lonliness is getting to you. i was contemplating moving out of state to take advantage of the beautiful weather since i'm from the north. consider meetup.com where you can meet people and do things you are interested in. i think things will get better once you find your niche. consider looking your best.

 

[PugofCrydee]

Yea starting out in a new place can make things tough, it can take time to establish new friendships.
I totally agree with you about medications making you feel 'less you'. It's the reason I quit mine years ago. But having said that, some people are definitely better off taking them.

Therapy CAN work, but you need to be open minded, persistent and willing to accept your thinking patterns may be wrong at times.

 

[Kaekae]

I understand how you feel. I moved to a new area four, nearly five years ago and I've struggled to make friends. I still have no friends that I see outside of work which sometimes makes me feel very lonely.

I'm unable to give any real advice as I'm in kind of the same situation. I hope you manage to find something that works for you though.

 

[unluckstuck]

I hear ya, and thank you. I hope your situation improves too. Like I said, it wouldn't be so challenging if it weren't so up and down. I think I might checkout meetup.com