New boyfriend.. my anxiety is going through the roof!

[izzymarie]

Ok so I just started dating this guy. He's in college, plays in a band.. definitely my type. But it seems like whenever a guy I like is attracted to me I get this insane urge to push him away! It's like I can't handle the fact that someone I consider attractive wants to be with me because I don't feel worthy. It's so frusturating because I really like this guy, but I'm still having such a problem letting my gaurd down. Ugh ::

Can anyone else relate?

 

[RedRibbons]

Yes, I can relate. I get really weird when I like someone, and have a really really hard time believing they would like me.

Umm. How long have you been dating this guy?

 

[izzymarie]

We've been dating for about a week now. We were friends for a while before that though. It's so annoying because when we were just friends I didn't really have any anxiety with him at all. Now its like throw the boyfriend/girlfriend label in there and I'm freaking! It's so frusterating.

 

[RedRibbons]

:/ i know it's hard to even pin point the reason for the anxiety.. Are you an insecure person? Maybe now that he's your bf, you feel like you have more to lose? Maybe you feel like you have something to live up to now?

If you've been dating for only a week it makes sense that you still have your guard up. It's okay to take it slow. I don't know if you're a sensitive person (I'm thinking you are), but I can only suggest to take it easy..

Instead of thinking you are not worthy.. What are some things that make you worthy?

 

[Remus]

I've done this all my life, usually to do with feeling unworthy (and disgusting), the longer you stick it out the easier it gets though

 

[izzymarie]

RedRibbons- I think you are on to something. I am definitely insecure and sensitive and I guess I am so afraid of him leaving me, that I always have the urge to leave him so I won't have to worry about getting my heart broken. Last year I got dumped for the first time and it was hell.. I'm so afraid to go through that again.

Remus- Thanks for giving me hope! I am definitely going to stick it out with him, and hopefully your right and things will eventually just fall into place.

Barry1979- Aw don't give up just yet! It is extremely tough, but being able to maintain a longterm healthy relationship would be like a milestone for people with the kind of anxiety we have

 

[BoredBoredBored]

Yeah, I have been that way my whole life. The bottom line is that you are going to feel like that until you learn to love and accept yourself. You have to accept yourself and be comfortable with who you are. Until you do that, you won't be able to have a fulfilling relationship with anybody else; that's why I never have girlfriends. See a shrink if you have the money.

 

[Erviin]

I feel exactly the same about the boyfriend/girlfriend thing.
I have never had a proper girlfriend because of SA and I'm, 17

 

[Phobologist]

Ok so I just started dating this guy. He's in college, plays in a band.. definitely my type. But it seems like whenever a guy I like is attracted to me I get this insane urge to push him away! It's like I can't handle the fact that someone I consider attractive wants to be with me because I don't feel worthy. It's so frusturating because I really like this guy, but I'm still having such a problem letting my gaurd down. Ugh ::

Can anyone else relate?

Yes I can relate. My social phobia ruined several potential relationships or one's which were just beginning. I once broke up with this girl after two weeks because she kept telling me how hot I was. I felt sick inside and unworthy, so I dumped her.

With another girl I was paranoid she was playing games because she refused to have sex without evidence that I liked her more seriously. I stormed out of the room and that was the end of us. I did it for two reasons. Firstly, my social phobia terrified me that she would think I was a loser. Secondly, my lack of social skills, experience, and my need to be a "competent dater" made me develop insane theories which in practice lead to disaster.

Another time a girl refused to hook-up on our first date and I became furious, fumed, and left 20 minutes later. I cut her off completely and when I finaly wanted her back it was too late. Again, I had a crazy theory she was manipulating me, which was both directly (I was afraid of being seen as a loser) and indirectly brought on by my social phobia.

There was another girl who was very cute but a senior in high school, when I was a junior in college. Our age difference was only two years however and we all hung out together at my friend's house. I hooked up with her several times and when I discovered she really liked me, I began to feel sick and unworthy, lost interest, and then cut her off.

So yes, I know what you are talking about. Bored is correct, you won't be able to manage relationships until you feel more worthy. Your social phobia is a critical illness that has to be dealt with, you cannot ignore it.

 

[Phobologist]

Yeah, I have been that way my whole life. The bottom line is that you are going to feel like that until you learn to love and accept yourself. You have to accept yourself and be comfortable with who you are. Until you do that, you won't be able to have a fulfilling relationship with anybody else; that's why I never have girlfriends. See a shrink if you have the money.

Absolutely, I could not have said it better myself.