Blumentopf
Member
Today I had to meet my boyfriend, ignored him until he pulled me to him and kissed me. Whenever I'm soul-searching, or having issues that I have to think about severely, I have to be emotionally detached from people for a while because I can't think straight when emotions are involved too much. In this case, the issue was actually about my boyfriend, too, so I had to detached myself emotionally from him as well.
Anyways. Some might know me from this post:
http://www.socialphobiaworld.com/my-way-of-overcoming-sa-gettin-there-27381/
I was basically talking about how to overcome SA and how I felt that I was getting better with SA and improved my self-esteem and confidence. I do feel I got better, one small step after the other.
And still, it feels like I still have a long long road to go. And it's..SO exhausting.
Trying to work on and improve myself and SA every minute of the day AND struggling with SA at the same time can be exhausting. It really is. And when I seemed to be failing too much in my life (I got fired, bad grades this week, felt insecure about the relationship), I get depressed, second-guess myself and every confidence I have goes right down etc.
So yeah. I broke down in my boyfriend's arms. I usually don't. And cried and cried, and he was there holding me.
But .. after a good cry today, I'm ready to go again, to fight. And yes, even though, it is a lot of work, it is rewarding. I actually think I handle most of my SA, I barely think about this anymore. The only thing I am struggling with is now my self-esteem etc. So yeah, one down, and that's improvement to me.
And I guess what I want to tell those people who are trying to get better - it's okay to breakdown and be really frustrated once in a while. After so much fighting, it's understandable. And I guess for those, who are still frustrated about their situation - even though you just read how I broke down, it didnt mean that all my struggling was for nothing. I handle my life, my relationships toward my boyfriend and my family and friends, situations with strangers much better than I did a year ago (when I was struggling with SA and lots of insecurities). And I feel more satisfied and happier than a year ago. Remember, you're the only one who can fix yourself.
Anyways. Some might know me from this post:
http://www.socialphobiaworld.com/my-way-of-overcoming-sa-gettin-there-27381/
I was basically talking about how to overcome SA and how I felt that I was getting better with SA and improved my self-esteem and confidence. I do feel I got better, one small step after the other.
And still, it feels like I still have a long long road to go. And it's..SO exhausting.
Trying to work on and improve myself and SA every minute of the day AND struggling with SA at the same time can be exhausting. It really is. And when I seemed to be failing too much in my life (I got fired, bad grades this week, felt insecure about the relationship), I get depressed, second-guess myself and every confidence I have goes right down etc.
So yeah. I broke down in my boyfriend's arms. I usually don't. And cried and cried, and he was there holding me.
But .. after a good cry today, I'm ready to go again, to fight. And yes, even though, it is a lot of work, it is rewarding. I actually think I handle most of my SA, I barely think about this anymore. The only thing I am struggling with is now my self-esteem etc. So yeah, one down, and that's improvement to me.
And I guess what I want to tell those people who are trying to get better - it's okay to breakdown and be really frustrated once in a while. After so much fighting, it's understandable. And I guess for those, who are still frustrated about their situation - even though you just read how I broke down, it didnt mean that all my struggling was for nothing. I handle my life, my relationships toward my boyfriend and my family and friends, situations with strangers much better than I did a year ago (when I was struggling with SA and lots of insecurities). And I feel more satisfied and happier than a year ago. Remember, you're the only one who can fix yourself.
