needs advice plz.

[epona]

I've started college and want to get somewhere in life somehow.

but my fear or whatever it is, is starting to get in the way. fear of rejection, stuttering, getting upset as think people don't like me. i find it soo hard. wondering what my tutor thinks of me and if i'm going to get chucked off the course for not being good enough and acting soo shy and it's all just making me feel really down. ,.

anyway the advice i need is what's the best way to deal with this? how do i stop myself from stuttering and being shy? i really want to control it has it affects me talking to others and doing what i want to do in life. .

 

[Dust]

Have you always been stuttering or did it start at some point in your life? I do stutter too, but I think it´s partly because there are too many thoughts in my head and I think of too many ways to say things at the same time so I end up trying to say everything at once. Doesn´t work obviously. Do you think there´s a reason for your stuttering?

 

[epona]

it just seems to happen when i'm feeling scared and shy. especially around people i don't know, when i'm feeling self conscious and stupid.buti usually don't stutter in less i feel like this. the shyness started when i was at preschool. as at first the teachers thought i could not talk. but they caught me talking to a well known friend at the time. then i went to school and got badly bullied and rejected by most people and badly bullied which really knocked me back too. .

 

[Dust]

Are you still being bullied? I wish those bullies knew how much they hurt people. Those sort of things cause lifelong traumas. And people like you and me have to struggle with this all their lives. It´s hard to find a way out of this. Would you say you have been bottling up your anger and fears for all those years or do you have someone to talk to about what´s going on inside of you?

 

[epona]

No not being bullied now. I think i have been bottling up anger and fear as i tend to not show my emotions well. i feel angry at what happened at school and the fact i wasn't given a chance to get any qualifications as as slowed me down now. i fear being rejected and laughed at so tend to go all shy and worry about people not liking me. alot of people in my group are young and immature which kindof gets to me too. as i'm the oldest.

 

[Dust]

I can relate to that. At school I wouldn´t raise my hand and tried to hide behind others because I felt like if I said something people wouldn´t understand me because I talk to quietly plus they would laugh at me since what I say is generally bull****.

It´s easy to say but you should focus on yourself and ignore what others might think of you. Teachers, acquaintances, schoolmates or whoever come and go. The only thing that matters is what you think of yourself. You need to respect yourself. In the end you are the only person you should be able to rely on. Forget all the anger or try to let it out before it eats you up. You could write down everything that bothers you and then burn it. Forget the past.

Do you have a goal in life? You still have a chance to get somewhere in life.

 

[epona]

sorry took so long to reply to your last response,

i want to work with children but find it really hard.

I'm having issues at college now due to my extreme shyness and being in a school placement which ofcourse brings back bad memories even though it's only a nursery. i was there for 3 days and they've already told my tutor i'm not doing well enough and apparently don't talk to the children which is not true but will admit i'm not loud so the teachers hear but i only need to talk so the children hear really..

i've been in tears literally after talking to my tutor today who was trying to push me off the course because of it. it just seems horrable as it's a job i've always wanted to go for although not in a school. i want to be a play worker, i'm now looking at doing a access course next year and trying to sort myself out this year. i'm going to try and stay on this course and get some support but i'm now not sure whats going to happen or how to deal with it all. .
.

 

[kihira]

Have you talked to your tutor about your anxieties so that they understand how you feel? They should be supporting you, not pushing you.

 

[UnOccupied]

I think tutors are scary too. I still see one though, every week, as i need it to pass a class.

I would recommend, just dealing with it for the time being, i know its hard, but social anxiety won't go away in the blink of an eye, but the effects of not getting a tutor session could be pretty sudden.

Anyway, i would recommend starting CBT, or seeing a therapist at your school. Good luck.

 

[Feathers]

Hi Epona!

Have you tried stuttering on purpose? I heard it helps some people. (They can't stutter then..) Maybe you could practise it?

Also for working with kids, kids can be much more accepting than adults.
In a way, it's good to be assertive and know how to be loud too - if there's any imminent danger for kids, or if they need to be called together.. So I guess it's good if you work on volume control.. Maybe just practise shouting in the house (we shout a lot, from attick to cellar, or from garden to indoors (I don't necessarily like it, I can be loud if needed though), some people shout from hill to hill.. Can you practise shouting where you live? Or can you go for a walk in the woods and shout there?

Other than that, have you had any speech therapy maybe or drama classes.. I'd really recommend drama workshops if you can partake.. especially if it's for free.. Highly depends on who leads them and what is being taught, do enquire.. Some speaking exercises or singing lessons and such could be helpful for learning how to speak loud.. (Many teachers never learn and may have problems with voice..)

Can you get a new tutor if this one isn't helpful? Is there a place to go and switch tutors? I think there would need to be a place like that..

Also, there was a Greek (or Roman?) well-known famous speaker who stuttered and couldn't speak well early in life.. I recommend read upon him.. He might be in books on learning speaking and such. There are other interesting people who initially stuttered too..
I highly recommend this article: Famous People (I haven't double-checked for accuracy, it's interesting to read...) There may be others online too..

There may be speaking workshops where you live too, check it out.. Or on some mediation workshops or assertiveness workshops assertive behavior is taught too..

Also, check your nutrition.. There might be minerals/vitamins that could help you be more energetic and enthusiastic - I find I can be most 'extraverted' and people-oriented then too.. (Ideally get them with food, not supplements..)