Hi, I'm 18 and in my first year of studying physics at university. Things started out well enough, I got on with my flat mates and we all went out during for the first month or two. I talked to people on my course and thought I'd made some friends/acquaintances but as time has gone on I feel as though I've been 'left behind' and people on my course have formed groups of friends without me.
This is only the tip of the iceberg. I've become more and more distant from my flat mates - I don't go out with them and a few of them have made it obvious that they don't like me. We have a communal kitchen that all 8 of us share and this is probably my biggest problem now. I'm literally scared to go into the kitchen due to the risk of seeing my flatmates. I came back from our Christmas holiday on Saturday and since then have either fled my flat or been in my room. I haven't spoken to or seen any of my flatmates since getting here. The problem with this is that I'm skipping meals and going hungry and thirsty because I dread going up and seeing my flat mates. I feel stuck in my room because If I go out I may see them and the thought scares the hell out of me. It has been like this for the past couple of months and I'm becoming extremely isolated and depressed.
To provide a bit of a back story, I was bullied at primary and the first half of secondary school. From the ages of 11-18 I very, very rarely went out with my friends, some years I never did. I was very isolated, as I am now, but I wasn't stuck in my room - I felt comfortable at home where I could easily do basic things like go to the shower, get food and drink, etc. I was depressed and anxious but not to the extent that I am now. I had a pretty good relationship with my family.
Coming forward to September 2012, the first week of my university year, my grandfather died after a long, debilitating battle with cancer. We were very close and he was like a second father to me - he is one of the reasons I enjoy physics and mathematics. This has only served to drag me further into my depression, keep me isolated from other people and make everyday life harder for me.
Now that I have come back to university after having spent Christmas at home, I realised just how much I hate how I'm living right now. I'm constantly anxious, I can't do anything and I'm putting off working for my exams - the first of which is in two days. I feel like I'm reaching my breaking point... I can't even fulfil basic biological needs without feeling unsafe. I'm starving hungry and need to go and buy food but I can hear my flatmates milling around. It's driving me crazy.
I have no idea what I can do, I don't think I can take living like this for much longer but if I don't go through with this degree I have nothing.
If you read through my rambling, thank you. If you can offer advice, I would really appreciate it. I need some help.
This is only the tip of the iceberg. I've become more and more distant from my flat mates - I don't go out with them and a few of them have made it obvious that they don't like me. We have a communal kitchen that all 8 of us share and this is probably my biggest problem now. I'm literally scared to go into the kitchen due to the risk of seeing my flatmates. I came back from our Christmas holiday on Saturday and since then have either fled my flat or been in my room. I haven't spoken to or seen any of my flatmates since getting here. The problem with this is that I'm skipping meals and going hungry and thirsty because I dread going up and seeing my flat mates. I feel stuck in my room because If I go out I may see them and the thought scares the hell out of me. It has been like this for the past couple of months and I'm becoming extremely isolated and depressed.
To provide a bit of a back story, I was bullied at primary and the first half of secondary school. From the ages of 11-18 I very, very rarely went out with my friends, some years I never did. I was very isolated, as I am now, but I wasn't stuck in my room - I felt comfortable at home where I could easily do basic things like go to the shower, get food and drink, etc. I was depressed and anxious but not to the extent that I am now. I had a pretty good relationship with my family.
Coming forward to September 2012, the first week of my university year, my grandfather died after a long, debilitating battle with cancer. We were very close and he was like a second father to me - he is one of the reasons I enjoy physics and mathematics. This has only served to drag me further into my depression, keep me isolated from other people and make everyday life harder for me.
Now that I have come back to university after having spent Christmas at home, I realised just how much I hate how I'm living right now. I'm constantly anxious, I can't do anything and I'm putting off working for my exams - the first of which is in two days. I feel like I'm reaching my breaking point... I can't even fulfil basic biological needs without feeling unsafe. I'm starving hungry and need to go and buy food but I can hear my flatmates milling around. It's driving me crazy.
I have no idea what I can do, I don't think I can take living like this for much longer but if I don't go through with this degree I have nothing.
If you read through my rambling, thank you. If you can offer advice, I would really appreciate it. I need some help.