Need help

wig44

New member
Hi, I'm 18 and in my first year of studying physics at university. Things started out well enough, I got on with my flat mates and we all went out during for the first month or two. I talked to people on my course and thought I'd made some friends/acquaintances but as time has gone on I feel as though I've been 'left behind' and people on my course have formed groups of friends without me.

This is only the tip of the iceberg. I've become more and more distant from my flat mates - I don't go out with them and a few of them have made it obvious that they don't like me. We have a communal kitchen that all 8 of us share and this is probably my biggest problem now. I'm literally scared to go into the kitchen due to the risk of seeing my flatmates. I came back from our Christmas holiday on Saturday and since then have either fled my flat or been in my room. I haven't spoken to or seen any of my flatmates since getting here. The problem with this is that I'm skipping meals and going hungry and thirsty because I dread going up and seeing my flat mates. I feel stuck in my room because If I go out I may see them and the thought scares the hell out of me. It has been like this for the past couple of months and I'm becoming extremely isolated and depressed.

To provide a bit of a back story, I was bullied at primary and the first half of secondary school. From the ages of 11-18 I very, very rarely went out with my friends, some years I never did. I was very isolated, as I am now, but I wasn't stuck in my room - I felt comfortable at home where I could easily do basic things like go to the shower, get food and drink, etc. I was depressed and anxious but not to the extent that I am now. I had a pretty good relationship with my family.

Coming forward to September 2012, the first week of my university year, my grandfather died after a long, debilitating battle with cancer. We were very close and he was like a second father to me - he is one of the reasons I enjoy physics and mathematics. This has only served to drag me further into my depression, keep me isolated from other people and make everyday life harder for me.

Now that I have come back to university after having spent Christmas at home, I realised just how much I hate how I'm living right now. I'm constantly anxious, I can't do anything and I'm putting off working for my exams - the first of which is in two days. I feel like I'm reaching my breaking point... I can't even fulfil basic biological needs without feeling unsafe. I'm starving hungry and need to go and buy food but I can hear my flatmates milling around. It's driving me crazy.

I have no idea what I can do, I don't think I can take living like this for much longer but if I don't go through with this degree I have nothing.

If you read through my rambling, thank you. If you can offer advice, I would really appreciate it. I need some help.
 
Hey Wig44, Welcome to the forum :)

I understand your anxiety, I've shared a house for 7 years with people.

There's only one thing for it. Forget what they think.
You must face your fears, go down into that kitchen and be around the place. Make yourself at home. That is your home for the forseeable future. The longer you put off going down there, the worse the fear will get. I promise if you go down there it won't be as bad as you think it will be.


As for the idea of not going through with the degree because of this, you will always regret that. Take it from me, I'm returning to college to study physics and maths after 10 years out because of the fear. Four years will pass. And in four years you will have either overcome this and hold a degree or you won't have done either and four years will have passed you.

The only solution is to confront this now before it becomes a real problem.
 
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AdamE

Active member
I had the same problem when I lived in a student dormitory. Like Jewel says, the only thing you really can do is try and face your fears - if not, they'll only get worse. That, or try to find some other place to live.

Would it be possible for you to live with your parents while studying, is there any sort of university where they live? It might feel a bit like giving in to your anxiety, but the most important thing has to be making sure your life is managable.
 

jaim38

Well-known member
I had the same problem you did. There were 3 main problems that made my life h-ll: financial problems, social anxiety/awkwardness, and lack of self worth.

Living on campus was a nightmare for me. Everything was so expensive - the room/board, the food, pretty much everything. Buying paper at the campus bookstore costs probably 4X more than what I could get at walmart near home. There was also the social anxiety issue. I have poor social skills and talked to myself a lot. People made fun of me and didn't like me for various reasons. During my freshman year, I gained a lot of pounds, but in my sophomore year, I started starving myself and lost back the pounds.

I eventually moved out of campus and into apartments, but even the rent, food, and utilities were expensive. I had to borrow money just to be able to eat, pay rent, and live. I also experienced social problems with the neighbors, who hated me and my brother. Some neighbors bullied us and constantly taunted us.

After 4 years, I finally moved back home and that was the best decision I've ever made. I enrolled in a local college, where tuition is so much cheaper. I also didn't have to borrow money anymore. I went from being very depressed, suicidal, and lacking in self worth to where I am today: happier, healthier, and beginning to have more confidence.

I don't even know why I went to an out of town college. I think it was the reputation of the college (top 50 best colleges) that drew me in. Many of my classmates went to this college so I followed them. That was silly of me, because I can get the same quality education back home for less than 30% of the price.

Beware of borrowing loans. They can come back to haunt you later on. If you want to buy a house, start a family, or buy a car later on, your loans (depending on how much you owe) can make it harder to get those things.
 
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