need help on this little situation

[andy316]

Hello,

Two days ago I met my new roommate in my apartment here,and it started pretty good at first,but here is where I don't know if I am guilty or not.I felt like I was talking TOO much,and he was not really doing anything besides giving one line answers and just yes or no.He would stare at me,not initiate or ask anything about me,and just be like that.I felt like I was hogging the floor,asking all these questions,and him being silent and just answering away.

We met the first time,and as usual,I could tell I came off as being a little needy and trying to be not as awkward as possible.But he would not talk too much and just stand there staring.He's an engineering student(spends a lot of time studying and all),so I dunno him being that is the reason hes like that.But once the interaction was over(I had to stop and give closure since he was being quiet/looking not interested and not talking to me) I just said bye and off I went(and yes he had a gf,so really can't tell if I am the socially awkward one).

He was stilling walking back and smiling at me,and kept on smiling as he left the apartment.

Did he think I was weird here?Or was I being weird and awkward?What am I supposed to do if hes all quiet and not showing any indication that he wanted to know anything about me(asking questions/contributing to the convo)?I was doing all the questions and asking random stuff(what fraternities to join,etc. I know I know very random)but I was just being friendly and wanted him to start talking and not be the social awkward that I am.I only wanted to have a good start but I guess God or whoever wants me to suffer for life.

I know people here had the absolute same experience,but I wanted to know what went wrong and why I wasn't connecting.I am absolutely tired of people not talking to me after a while and just being alone.

EDIT:Guys,don't be shy to be harsh on me.I really want to know whats going on and how I can avoid being like this.I know this may not be that much info,but please ask me questions and stuff.I am sure some of you had the exact same experience.I am tired of losing friendships just like that seriously.I wish there was a social class I could take.

 

[chibiXphantom]

well maybe the questions were just overwhelming for them? or maybe they were just preoccupied. when people ask me a bunch of questions upon just meeting, i tend to just answer "idk" to everything to avoid the conversation, not that i dont like the person or anything, just dont like tons of questions lol.
perhaps wait for him to talk to you next time. first impressions tend to make the biggest impressions. and often they are wrong. i wouldnt try to over-analyze him too much.

 

[muxmux]

According to what you said, u did nothing wrong.. he's the weird one. I mean, what you can do if the person u talking to isn't showing any interest? Nothing wrong with you, more like hes the weird one.


Edit: Also, have you considered the possibility that he is socialy awkward as well? Just wondering.

 

[Canis lupus]

Edit: Also, have you considered the possibility that he is socialy awkward as well? Just wondering.

Exactly my thoughts. I do the same thing when I meet new people. Yes, no or very short awnsers. It often takes me several months before I'm comfortable enough to join in a conversation if it even happens at all.

 

[andy316]

Thanks for the replies guys.Keep em coming.

I did ask him a lot of questions to get a good convo start and not make it awkward.Again,me asking him so much and random ones make me think that I came Ida's needy/weird to him.I don't want people to think me as trying too hard,but I just can't help it on not trying to be awkward and be as social as possible.

It's just that him smiling away as he left got me the feeling that i was acting funny/weird that time.and like you guys said,first impressions are make or break,and as usual I blew it.Hate myself.

What can I do to avoid being awkward and avoid the silences?Its like I am doing all the work to avoid the silences but as usual I will always lose the friendship/impressions.

 

[Pacific_Loner]

Hey Andy,

The description you made of yourself, asking lots of questions to avoid the silence, reminds me of a roomate I had, and honestly I found her very annoying and I never wanted to be in a room with her because I knew she would keep asking questions to avoid silence like you try to do. It's normal when you live with roomates that you're not talking all the time, and since you're an introvert (I guess) and your roomate don't seems too talkative either, I think you should get used to silence, it's going to be easier to live for both of you. Not saying that you should not try to start a conversation ever again, just saying you don't have to, especially if your roomate don't look like he feels like talking.

Also, you made a good effort to show your interest in your new roomate, maybe you were clumsy and akward but at least you did it, and no matter how he reacted, I think you should stop dwelling on it right now and just go on living your life in your appartment, and unless he's stupid or something, you guys will grow on each other and everything should be fine in the end...

 

[andy316]

@pacific,

Thanks for replaying.The thing is,I am absolutely sick to death this happens with every roommate I have,not just this.I said earlier he is the typical engineering student,so dunno if that has any play.I really want a chance here,but obviously never get it.I have seen people who I can call a little "off" and yet they have their friends and everything.I am sick seeing people "luckily" connect the first imw and that's it.

I only tried to talk more as the silences would just be there and he wasnt saying anything.You could imagine the feeling of that awkward silence,where you feel tHat your to blame for it.Staring down doesn't help.If I try and be friendly and all,I come off as needy/weird.If I am quiet,I come off awkward/boring as hell.I wish I was never born to these horrible parents in the first place.Just want to die and leave this world permanently.


EDIT:I get that it has more to do with conversation skills,which I have no idea how to develop or learn.Wosh there was something I could do.

 

[Pacific_Loner]

^I'm sorry you feel that way :/

So it's not only about roommates, it happens when you try to talk with people in general? There's a lot of factors that could have an impact on how people react to you trying to connect with them (body language, context, and what comes out of your mouth). But whatever it is, your roommate seems a bit rude and uncooperative to me. I know it doesn't help much, but try to remember at least that it is not always your fault if the silence is awkward. I know how you feel, but trust me, if you stop feeling guilty about it, it's going to be the beginning of you feeling better with yourself.

 

[andy316]

^I'm sorry you feel that way :/

So it's not only about roommates, it happens when you try to talk with people in general? There's a lot of factors that could have an impact on how people react to you trying to connect with them (body language, context, and what comes out of your mouth). But whatever it is, your roommate seems a bit rude and uncooperative to me. I know it doesn't help much, but try to remember at least that it is not always your fault if the silence is awkward. I know how you feel, but trust me, if you stop feeling guilty about it, it's going to be the beginning of you feeling better with yourself.

Yeah,it happens a lot with other people.

I dunno,I just feel luck never ever is on my side.There is something as luck which I truly believe,as I can see my previous roommates magically found the perfect friends last semester without even trying that much.It's ridiculous and completely demoralizing for me(since I become negative and just give up;have tried too much with no success).

Most people seem to have the luck and everything to get it,but not me.lol,reminds of Austin powers when he said he lost his "mojo".Lmao funny movie!!Feels like that is what I am missing here lol.

 

[andy316]

Just like a thought,he did think I was weird.

I had a talk earlier,and he thought I came off too strong and needy.Wow!!