Need clarification

[tweetebird]

While I am newly discovering thoughts and processes as being, indeed, Social Phobia, I am also starting to question other fears as well. Maybe someone can help me out with this. Is having a fear that a friend, new or old, will turn out to be a very mean person who will go out of their way to hurt or humiliate me in some way, a part of Social Phobia or is this something else?

 

[Anti Matter]

I always put it down to personal experience with that particular person, not my SA.

But that's just me dude. Who knows.

 

[tweetebird]

Thanks for the reply. I guess I should clarify that this happens with everyone I befriend, even if they've always been nice.

 

[Anti Matter]

Dude, no need for that just try and remember if they have done anything like that in the past and if not just try and place your trust in that person ONLY if you know 100% that they will never hurt you, I have one true friend in life because I placed my trust in him, I know even with my SA he will never betray or hurt me.

Alot of people have screwed me up in the past and I know they did that because of their insecurities, not mine. "Oh look it's the kid with SA, now that I know he has SA or whatever they call it, lets laugh at him because I feel big in a crowd". See the problem is even with some friends or people they judge you on something they don't understand or don't want to understand. Not everyone is a major ahole, just find that one person or two that really accept you for who you are and will always be there for you. There is a person for everyone in life if you look and think about it hard enough.

 

[Minty]

Hmm. Well, I'm not quite sure. With me, I rarely trust anyone outside a couple of people. However, I don't think people will intentionally harm me. Some of the people I fear confiding in the most are very nice, they just have big mouths and will accidentally blab to other people about my issues without realizing it.

I also think most people are nice, not mean, and if they are mean I have a tendency to pity them because I feel like meanness is a shield they've constructed around them after experiencing something horrible.

Also, there are many people out there unable to trust who don't have anxiety problems at all.

 

[tweetebird]

Thanks for the replies guys, its helpful. I guess this is more based on my past experiences, and maybe not purely social phobia. :/

 

[greenwind]

When I was in school I had a few people that pretended to be my friend to get close to me and then stab me in the back by humiliating me after I said something (probably) stupid so I think that's the cause of my trust issues. I was pretty naive and still am so that didn't help much.

I find it difficult to completely trust a person, even if the chance of him/her doing something to stab me in the back are almost zero I still hesitate to share experiences with him/her, especially the ones that I want to get out but are embarrassing or painful to talk about (because that's the ammo that they used against me in school).

Anyone who has experienced that or something similar will probably hesitate to trust someone again, I don't think you'll ever forget the potential consequences if you did otherwise. And this isn't entirely all bad though, being selective in who you trust is good for protecting yourself, but every now and then you have to take the risk to trust him/her. Usually after over analyzing that much I'd think you need a master manipulator to fool you (and those who actually want to don't want to put that much effort into it )