jd882
Member
Hi all,
This is my first time posting. I've come across this forum a couple times within the last year but never signed up for it. Couldn't talk about my issues. Well, I signed up last night in the midst of a panic attack and had to wait to be vaildated before I could post. Figures. Anyway, heres the deal and to those who suffer from triggers, please be warned. I'll be as brief as I can in explaining my ordeal.
Almost 1 year ago, I was r**** at work. I was taken out of work and eventually fired for causing them undue hardship by not being able to come back. I worked there for 8 years, lost all my friends, and everything about the life I knew. Was diagnosed with depression. (I suffer from almost everything on these boards but I've been officially diagnosed with depression by my dr so I feel like I should start here.)
The panic attacks have gotten worse. The insomnia and isolating myself has become horrible. I'm on a couple medications right now but have finally run out of insurance so I can't pay a dr to get checked out and get something new. My anger has gotten out of control where my brain will click to anger for no reason and I will get myself so worked up over something that is so minute, it wouldn't matter to anyone. After the anger, comes the panic attacks (lasting anywhere for 20 minutes up to a couple of days straight), and once that subsides, I retreat back into my empty depressive shell. Not to mention that I am hurting myself by cramping up my muscles so tightly from being afraid that I am constantly suffering from migraines and body aches. I can't concentrate enough anymore, my memory is going, and my family thinks I should just put it all behind me and get over it.
Now, I am a mom of a beautiful young boy. He's the reason I survive every day. I started going back to church with him. I get to drop him off to school and pick him up. We get to spend more time together than we ever have in his whole life. It's just us in the apartment (with a couple pets). When I start feeling extra angry, panicky, or depressed, I just tell him Mommy isn't having a good day. I let him know that I might need to lay down or walk away if I get too angry. He suffers with ADHD, Intermittent Explosive Disorder, amongst a whole bunch of alphabet soup... Even though I suffer almost every minute of every day with something, I still try to set a good example for him by talking to him about what's going on, teach him it's ok to be angry, and help him learn how to work out ways to deal with it...
Why is it so much easier said than done??????
Forgive me that this is long. I just needed somewhere to start because I can't continue the way I've been going.
This is my first time posting. I've come across this forum a couple times within the last year but never signed up for it. Couldn't talk about my issues. Well, I signed up last night in the midst of a panic attack and had to wait to be vaildated before I could post. Figures. Anyway, heres the deal and to those who suffer from triggers, please be warned. I'll be as brief as I can in explaining my ordeal.
Almost 1 year ago, I was r**** at work. I was taken out of work and eventually fired for causing them undue hardship by not being able to come back. I worked there for 8 years, lost all my friends, and everything about the life I knew. Was diagnosed with depression. (I suffer from almost everything on these boards but I've been officially diagnosed with depression by my dr so I feel like I should start here.)
The panic attacks have gotten worse. The insomnia and isolating myself has become horrible. I'm on a couple medications right now but have finally run out of insurance so I can't pay a dr to get checked out and get something new. My anger has gotten out of control where my brain will click to anger for no reason and I will get myself so worked up over something that is so minute, it wouldn't matter to anyone. After the anger, comes the panic attacks (lasting anywhere for 20 minutes up to a couple of days straight), and once that subsides, I retreat back into my empty depressive shell. Not to mention that I am hurting myself by cramping up my muscles so tightly from being afraid that I am constantly suffering from migraines and body aches. I can't concentrate enough anymore, my memory is going, and my family thinks I should just put it all behind me and get over it.
Now, I am a mom of a beautiful young boy. He's the reason I survive every day. I started going back to church with him. I get to drop him off to school and pick him up. We get to spend more time together than we ever have in his whole life. It's just us in the apartment (with a couple pets). When I start feeling extra angry, panicky, or depressed, I just tell him Mommy isn't having a good day. I let him know that I might need to lay down or walk away if I get too angry. He suffers with ADHD, Intermittent Explosive Disorder, amongst a whole bunch of alphabet soup... Even though I suffer almost every minute of every day with something, I still try to set a good example for him by talking to him about what's going on, teach him it's ok to be angry, and help him learn how to work out ways to deal with it...
Why is it so much easier said than done??????
Forgive me that this is long. I just needed somewhere to start because I can't continue the way I've been going.
