Need a reason to make friends?

[armadillo]

I'm confused. I have several social contacts which I could pursue and build into friendships (assuming these people wanted to be friends) but I have no motivation. I can't see a useful purpose for these contacts.

Specifically, there's a guy i had dated but he only wants to be friends now. I enjoy hanging out with him but just can't see the point because he doesn't want to date me. And there's a girl at work who invites me places but I don't feel comfortable with her so I can't imagine ever wanting her for a friend.

Some people seem to enjoy hanging out just for the fun of hanging out. And I understand that in theory. But I feel like there's no point if we aren't going to build a closer connection.

I'm not happy about this because I would like a wide circle of chums to spend time with. But I can't get over thinking that it's not worth the effort. I don't really understand how I'm feeling. Does this make sense to anyone?

 

[alwaysrunning]

It makes perfect sense. It just sense unreasonaable and pintless to try to force a friendship on either side. But i mean sometimes a little pushing can lead you to realize that there really disnt need a lot of force to begin with. I believe thats why people just "hang out" to see if theres commonalities or a friendship base to build on and if things dont seem to work out well they tried and then try again with other ppl. However im no expert as a matter of fact the complete opposite, I wish i could do that though life would be so much simpler if i didnt expect rejection at every interaction =/

 

[Bloir]

If you find a person which you conecte with you 100% i am sure you would not be thinking this way but if you are not very comfortable, you would prefer to be alone
it is normal
i am very weird, too. i can know people but i dont feel emotion to go out
and then having contacts does not do useful your life, you can have thousands and anyone important, you can get 1 and to be full

 

[IGotSeoul]

social interaction is necessary - although for some people it's sort of like the vegetables you hide in the napkin in a sense that you would rather not have it but it's still healthy for you.

 

[armadillo]

Hmm, interesting. Maybe it's okay then. I'm still not quite sure though.

I feel like I'm very negative about people. If I can't see an immediate potential to create the sort of relationship I want with that person, then I don't spend much energy on them. The result is I feel that I'm generally liked okay, but there is hardly anyone I really care about. I drop people completely as soon as they start disappointing me, I even cut them off without warning sometimes.

This seems a pretty ruthless, self-centered attitude to me. But I can't understand how I could be any other way. The thought of just hanging out with no purpose makes me very uncomfortable--like, I don't know where the goal post is, I don't know what's expected of me.

It makes me unhappy that I'm so antisocial.

 

[Minty]

I drop people completely as soon as they start disappointing me, I even cut them off without warning sometimes.

I do this too sometimes. It's usually when I feel that the friendship is going to die soon and I don't want them to be the one to reject me first. So I just let them go. It's AvPD behavior, in my case, because rejection is too painful. It may be different for you.

It's reeeeeally hard for me to enjoy someone's company in person. I'm really quiet, so they end up talking about shallow things because I'm not participating enough in the convo for it to go somewhere deep. And I get so bored. I can almost predict what they're going to say before they say it and I just stand there going "uh-huh, sure". It sucks. D:

I can chat a lot longer online because I can multitask without it seeming rude, haha. And I'm a lot more talkative.

 

[armadillo]

Yeah, the reason I drop people is the same as you. I see it's going to die and I want to be the one who rejects first. I didn't know about AvPD. I'll check out some info on this site. Thanks