Narcissistic Mothers

[powerfulthoughts]

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There is something I am very, very sure of in life: Mothers with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) are extremely destructive parents. They will confuse a child into thinking that they are invalid; that they live to serve the mother. They will ensure that you do not have a sense of independent self-identity, but rather, that you are a living breathing extension of her own self-identity. You are not a living soul on your own; you are, in her eyes, another her...almost literally. If the child does bad, then the narcissist mother feels greatly betrayed and offended that you would make her look so terrible. Mind you, she isn't really concerned about the child at all; or how it might lead him/her down a bad path. No, it is only about her and how she will be viewed.

Most children who grow up with a narcissistic mother will lack a stable identity, because the mother has not allowed them to develop one. Most NPD mothers will speak up for the child in almost all situations. They will not encourage them to learn any skills or independent ways of doing things, so as to solidify in the child's mind that you must always depend on, and surrender to, mother.

Because NPD mothers are so dominant in the way they treat their children, boys will tend to grow up lacking a masculine energy, and girls lacking a feminine energy. They literally stunt the child's growth out of a severe need to control and dictate the child.

Often a very thorough brain-washing takes place. The mother will thoroughly train the child to believe they are the best mother in the world so as to hear you say it to them, to feed their narcissistic ego (or, to gain narcissistic supply). Once the child is so trained and brain-washed into surrendering to the mother's dysfunctional and twisted ways, then she can easily manipulate how things are to the outside. Often people will think the NPD mother's kids are good little angels; when really they are twisted in the mother's dysfunctional web and will go on to develop severe psychological disorders. Fear and social phobia among them.

NPD mother's are simply not emotionally equipped to handle having children. They do not have the capacity to genuinely love and care for a child. They are deviod of this.

 

[doubtmyself]

I'm reminded of a friend of mine whose house/home I used to visit when I was 8 or 9. The family was rich, had a cook and maid-servant. When I was introduced to the mother, I had to go into a higly adorned ante room lounge where "the queen" was present. The way my friend spoke to his mother suddenly took on aristocratic tones. Poor guy must've felt like a peasant serving his baroness master.

 

[megalon]

There is something I am very, very sure of in life: Mothers with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) are extremely destructive parents. They will confuse a child into thinking that they are invalid; that they live to serve the mother. They will ensure that you do not have a sense of independent self-identity, but rather, that you are a living breathing extension of her own self-identity. You are not a living soul on your own; you are, in her eyes, another her...almost literally. If the child does bad, then the narcissist mother feels greatly betrayed and offended that you would make her look so terrible. Mind you, she isn't really concerned about the child at all; or how it might lead him/her down a bad path. No, it is only about her and how she will be viewed.

Most children who grow up with a narcissistic mother will lack a stable identity, because the mother has not allowed them to develop one. Most NPD mothers will speak up for the child in almost all situations. They will not encourage them to learn any skills or independent ways of doing things, so as to solidify in the child's mind that you must always depend on, and surrender to, mother.

This exactly describes how my mom was during my upbringing.:: Fortunately I have managed to break free and form my own identity over the last five years, but it may be too little too late.

 

[BlueDays]

I am sorry you had to grow up with a mother like that powerfulthoughts:: It is amazing how much of a bad influence a parent is capable of having over a child.

Most children who grow up with a narcissistic mother will lack a stable identity, because the mother has not allowed them to develop one. Most NPD mothers will speak up for the child in almost all situations. They will not encourage them to learn any skills or independent ways of doing things, so as to solidify in the child's mind that you must always depend on, and surrender to, mother.

....They literally stunt the child's growth out of a severe need to control and dictate the child.

....Often people will think the NPD mother's kids are good little angels; when really they are twisted in the mother's dysfunctional web and will go on to develop severe psychological disorders. Fear and social phobia among them.

This can also be the case with a mother who is a Control Freak. I was not allowed to develop my own identity because my mother established complete control over my thoughts and behaviour from day one.
Even now I am too afraid to trust my own desire to have an identity of my own as my mother destroyed my confidence in anything I do :s

 

[EscapeArtist]

Yep, I stumbled upon NPD and am positive my mother has it. In fact, I brought it up with her, and she admitted it. That's a good step. That was probably exceptionally rude of me. I regret doing that. Either way, check, check, check

 

[doubtmyself]

Two NPD's at work...one has left by popular demand!! (everyone hated her in the end)
The other is more cunning ...only targeting the weaker individuals...so not everyone hates her yet. Very competent so bosses need her talents...they tend to ignore complaints from staff so far.

What they both have in common is...an inability to talk to you without giving instructions or advice. Can't just make small talk as if you are on equal terms. Must always appear the one who "is leading us on to victory!" More like a highway to Hell!!::

 

[powerfulthoughts]

This exactly describes how my mom was during my upbringing.:: Fortunately I have managed to break free and form my own identity over the last five years, but it may be too little too late.

I've been working diligently to form an independent identity and to be secure with myself. Unfortunately, I seem to be unable to achieve this goal. Sometimes I think I'm getting a bit better, and then suddenly I have a miserable day where I'm unable to talk and just avoid. I know its possible to live a fulfilling life, but the uphill battle is extremely treacherous.

 

[powerfulthoughts]

I'm reminded of a friend of mine whose house/home I used to visit when I was 8 or 9. The family was rich, had a cook and maid-servant. When I was introduced to the mother, I had to go into a higly adorned ante room lounge where "the queen" was present. The way my friend spoke to his mother suddenly took on aristocratic tones. Poor guy must've felt like a peasant serving his baroness master.

Sounds horrible. I can relate somewhat except for my family was extremely poor. My npd mother was very neglectful of her kids.

 

[powerfulthoughts]

Yep, I stumbled upon NPD and am positive my mother has it. In fact, I brought it up with her, and she admitted it. That's a good step. That was probably exceptionally rude of me. I regret doing that. Either way, check, check, check

Unusual for a narcissist to admit to their problem. Usually those with npd refuse to take blame or acknowledge that they have a severe disorder. I cannot bring it up to my mother, because the conversation would end very badly.

 

[lonely_drummer]

Oh my!! This describes my mother to the tee. She raised me to almost be one of her servants somehow. But in a way that it felt like I was completely dependant on her so she would have that praise of how much of a good mother she is. I do agree with everyone, my mom is a good person, she's tries to help out a lot of people which I do respect but she is not a good mother. She was always there for me financially because she is a workaholic but I never wanted that. She was there for me but really wasn't. Like she was barely ever home because she worked as much as she could, so she wasn't actually physically there but she was off working, supporting our family, so she was there in a way. However, about 4 1/2 to 5 years ago, I noticed things. I was just starting University, I had just backpacked across Europe, I had seen things, I had seen a bit of the world from my eyes, not my mothers mouth. I started University, in the Education program which my mother had "brainwashed" me into taking. I didn't actually decide I was going to be a teacher, my mom just strongly encouraged that I should and also she would be helping me pay for tuition. But halfway through my first year is when I started to see her corruption. I soon realized quickly that this was not for me and started becoming extremely drawn towards one of my elective courses, Astronomy. I had always been really interested and read a lot in Astronomy since I was 5, so the next year I went and changed my major without telling my parents, cough cough lol, to Astrophysics. They were not pleased at all, however that summer I got into a really bad car accident and lost my place in school. I fell into a depression and moved to the other side of the country, got away from my mother and finished my degree in Physics a few years later and then right after, I disappeared for a while. I up and left my home, hitchhiked up north and lived in the mountains for a while. I am now back but living on my own far from the reach of my parents, my mother. Well not really, they're like 40 minutes away but I have confessed everything I think of about them to them and told them that they have to respect my space from now on. They cannot come here but I do go and see them every now and then and let me tell you, it's the greatest thing I've ever done and honestly I think it has done wonders for her as well. Now she doesn't have to play mother every day, she works a lot less now and is actually selling her business by the end of the year which is mind-blowing. I always tell them, do not worry about me(financially), just spend all your money now while you're alive, don't sit on your stack and wait to die so I have to sit on that stack later on, I don't want it, it's not mine, I didn't earn it. So I think I, the son has taught them a lesson in life. They're living which is great. They just bought a cabin in the mountains, they took up mountain biking. My mom might be going back to school!! Well you all don't know her but if you did, all those things would blow your mind, she would never do that stuff before, she never had time.

 

[Lexington]

^
lonely drummer nice story....good on you for facing your fears and standing up to your mother....

 

[andy316]

This sounds just like my mother.Granted she may not have full NPD,but she has it and SA as well.

My uncle tells me I have become just like my mom(think too much,always serious,acting just like her) and can't do anything on my own(like my mom made me).

I have lost so many friends,so much fun and the joy of childhood just because this one terrible person.No wonder she comes home and complains "why do people laugh at me" well guess what,you are being too quiet and anti-social.

I really doubt I would ever break free from this.Years of brain wash won't be gone in a day.i really would hesitate to shoot her if I had the chance.Some of these parents need to just die horribly.

 

[nafadda]

I never had kids nor did I ever want them ,but I do know it's not just mothers that have Narcissistic Personalities.All kinds of people have it.

i guess it beats having a psychopath or sociopathic mother though,some of those nut jobs actually kill their kids...