Madix
Well-known member
Recently, I had just posted a thread on here about my testimony of recovery. Although it was a bit "religious" it seems that it was not fit to be on this website. I have not seen it on here so I am merely assuming. But here is my question...if my testimony is ineffective, false, or offending in anyway...why should it be deleted? I am only claiming why I was cured from my social phobia. Yes, maybe I might seem a bit radical in a sense by saying its the only way out. but listen please....
I've personally tried everything. Social Anxiety took my life and held on since I was a kid and has not let go for years on end. Social Anxiety made me believe that...that was exactly who I was.
I was in a downward spiral heading nowhere. I actually, since I was about 16 years old, have heard voices telling me to hurt others and myself. 2-4 times a week, I would wake up with burn marks, scratches, rashes, bruises you name it. Never knowing its source and being afraid to sleep every night. i took myself to a catholic priest....he sprinkled holy water on me and read a few bible scriptures...which did not do anything but worsen the problem.
day after my "spiritual cleansing"...i lost it....i black out for absolutely NO REASON...and hit my room mate, and i walked outside and started punching holes in the wooden fence around the complex (with tube socks on my hands).
not soon far after that I lost my job, my apartment, and had stay at a homeless shelter...my folks would not take me in since my addiction to drinking and smoking. they thought i was a lost cause anyways....
so here i was homeless and mentally destroyed, i was afraid to talk about my problem to anyone....my head down on a cafeteria table, scared out of my mind about was i was to do, and scared to death to talk about it to anyone...mean-while im talking to myself...or talking to what i heard in my head. of course none of it was good news.
about a week after staying there i found the shelter had a program for homeless people with less job experience. (it was a christian shelter)...it was a 4 month residential program. they had us work at a pallet shop for about $50/week for maybe 40 hours of work. it wasnt that bad, it was good to have some psychical to get all that off my mind.....the hardest part was working with other people...i always felt that they were plotting something against me...or they were just egotistical bums with no life...i hated them. i hated everything about working with them...it was so hard.
2 months into the program i had another anxiety attack....i was unloading a trailor of boxes from a semi, when i fell to the floor and started banging my head on the ground. blood was everywhere, all over me, and the pallet jack i was using, i was crying like a little girl, and everyone was laughing at me.
doctors put me of peroxitin...which is supposed to help panic attacks...and it sort of did...but i just strengthened the urge to be afraid of everyone more.the staff there was so nice though, since it was a christian program...i felt they wese like "obligated" to be nice to me, since they were staff and christians....usual outside understanding of things.
the hardest thing i remember that i had to do was memorize specific bible verses and i had to rehearse them in front of the WHOLE CLASS, first off...can you imagine who scared i was???? oohhhh mannn. i stuttered like elmer fudd from looney toons trying to push them verses out...i felt like a total idiot in front of everybody. worse part about it was...everyone else was not doing it like i was....they seemed to have no problem. man that sucked.
i honestly thought this whole bible thing was a bunch of hogwash...
christians just run their beliefs of emotions and feelings, its all blind faith, like they have to park their brains when they go to church everyday....i thought it was ridiculous.....since the catholics could not save me from my inner "demons" i figured no other denomination could do the trick...its all me just beating myself up over night....so i did an experiment to prove it to myself...i literally tied my hands to the bed post when i went to sleep at night (obviously left it a little loose to get out)....i thought it was working for awhile, until one night i woke up, it was 3:05am and with my hand STILL TIED untangled them, lifted up my shirt....and i see i giant scratch mark....going right down from my chest to my crotch....that answered my question. i need help.
so no matter how much i thought christianity was a hoax before...it was time that i gave into it, fell to the floor and said "GOD THIS ENOUGH"....i actually came to Christ that night....the fear was enough. but onces i asked God to come to me for rescue...thats exactly what he did!!! and im not going to go into more detail because i dont want to offend anybody. or get my testimony deleted....but it worked and i am free from SP and i dont hear voices anymore!!! i mean....HOW!?!
listen god teaches us many things in the bible that can help us get through this SP stuff. my life has NEVER been the same since i made the decision to follow him. i really really really challenge you to do the same...please, you dont need to live that life...
yes, I had "voices" but that was not my best concern....I wanted to talk to people....social phobia is a monster. and a total lie.
if you want to talk to me just message me okay. i really want to discuss this with you guys. please.
THANKS SO MUCH -Tim (not madix)
I've personally tried everything. Social Anxiety took my life and held on since I was a kid and has not let go for years on end. Social Anxiety made me believe that...that was exactly who I was.
I was in a downward spiral heading nowhere. I actually, since I was about 16 years old, have heard voices telling me to hurt others and myself. 2-4 times a week, I would wake up with burn marks, scratches, rashes, bruises you name it. Never knowing its source and being afraid to sleep every night. i took myself to a catholic priest....he sprinkled holy water on me and read a few bible scriptures...which did not do anything but worsen the problem.
day after my "spiritual cleansing"...i lost it....i black out for absolutely NO REASON...and hit my room mate, and i walked outside and started punching holes in the wooden fence around the complex (with tube socks on my hands).
not soon far after that I lost my job, my apartment, and had stay at a homeless shelter...my folks would not take me in since my addiction to drinking and smoking. they thought i was a lost cause anyways....
so here i was homeless and mentally destroyed, i was afraid to talk about my problem to anyone....my head down on a cafeteria table, scared out of my mind about was i was to do, and scared to death to talk about it to anyone...mean-while im talking to myself...or talking to what i heard in my head. of course none of it was good news.
about a week after staying there i found the shelter had a program for homeless people with less job experience. (it was a christian shelter)...it was a 4 month residential program. they had us work at a pallet shop for about $50/week for maybe 40 hours of work. it wasnt that bad, it was good to have some psychical to get all that off my mind.....the hardest part was working with other people...i always felt that they were plotting something against me...or they were just egotistical bums with no life...i hated them. i hated everything about working with them...it was so hard.
2 months into the program i had another anxiety attack....i was unloading a trailor of boxes from a semi, when i fell to the floor and started banging my head on the ground. blood was everywhere, all over me, and the pallet jack i was using, i was crying like a little girl, and everyone was laughing at me.
doctors put me of peroxitin...which is supposed to help panic attacks...and it sort of did...but i just strengthened the urge to be afraid of everyone more.the staff there was so nice though, since it was a christian program...i felt they wese like "obligated" to be nice to me, since they were staff and christians....usual outside understanding of things.
the hardest thing i remember that i had to do was memorize specific bible verses and i had to rehearse them in front of the WHOLE CLASS, first off...can you imagine who scared i was???? oohhhh mannn. i stuttered like elmer fudd from looney toons trying to push them verses out...i felt like a total idiot in front of everybody. worse part about it was...everyone else was not doing it like i was....they seemed to have no problem. man that sucked.
i honestly thought this whole bible thing was a bunch of hogwash...
christians just run their beliefs of emotions and feelings, its all blind faith, like they have to park their brains when they go to church everyday....i thought it was ridiculous.....since the catholics could not save me from my inner "demons" i figured no other denomination could do the trick...its all me just beating myself up over night....so i did an experiment to prove it to myself...i literally tied my hands to the bed post when i went to sleep at night (obviously left it a little loose to get out)....i thought it was working for awhile, until one night i woke up, it was 3:05am and with my hand STILL TIED untangled them, lifted up my shirt....and i see i giant scratch mark....going right down from my chest to my crotch....that answered my question. i need help.
so no matter how much i thought christianity was a hoax before...it was time that i gave into it, fell to the floor and said "GOD THIS ENOUGH"....i actually came to Christ that night....the fear was enough. but onces i asked God to come to me for rescue...thats exactly what he did!!! and im not going to go into more detail because i dont want to offend anybody. or get my testimony deleted....but it worked and i am free from SP and i dont hear voices anymore!!! i mean....HOW!?!
listen god teaches us many things in the bible that can help us get through this SP stuff. my life has NEVER been the same since i made the decision to follow him. i really really really challenge you to do the same...please, you dont need to live that life...
yes, I had "voices" but that was not my best concern....I wanted to talk to people....social phobia is a monster. and a total lie.
if you want to talk to me just message me okay. i really want to discuss this with you guys. please.
THANKS SO MUCH -Tim (not madix)