my story.

[New_thinking]

Well. I've never really done this before and I I'm not quite sure where to start. I've had social anxiety, rumination, resentment issues for a few years. I'm a recovering alcoholic, I tried to self medicate which isn't the best idea. I always gravitated towards drugs to alleviate my symptoms and it only exacerbated the problem. I always had problems getting along with my parents and friends. I've lost a few friends, but gained them back. I was kicked out of my parents a couple times due to my alcohol use when i was about 17 and 20. I was home schooled until 8th grade, and my mother was very qualified to teach. whenever I got close to some one in my younger days I would have trouble getting along with them. I've gotten way better about that though. The two most recent things in my life that didn't go well, I joined the United States marine Corps back in 2008, I was 0311 infantry, but the reserves. When I got back from ITB ( infantry training battalion) Which is what you go to after recruit training, I was good to go. But eventually I got very bored, lost a lot of motivation. A lot of my friends from before had moved away, or just had different lives. I started drinking here and there, then it turned into every day. I would lift weights, then sit on the computer all day, and playing war craft 3. my drinking got more and more, to the point where i would have bottles of vodkah stashed in m dresser. my dad found it one time and said, dont do this it will ruin your life. Well I did it any ways. I eventually started spending time with one of my good friends from high school who had overdosed on heroin while I was at ITB. Well i never saw or touched the heroin. But we did start doing cocaine. for like a month i was doing coke every day, i would drink a 3rd of a bottle of everclear just so i could "sleep" at night. Well eventually i got kicked out of my parents, and moved into my friends moms place, shes a good woman. He went to prison for herion though. I did ok there, I did my part basically cleaned every day becuase they never ever cleaned and it was disgusting. I still drank a lot. But i got along with his mom and little brother very well. Anyways, I was about to go on a meu (marine expeditionary unit) which is just a ship that can deliver marines to any beach we might need to assault. But it was just a co op training float. We were going to train with (train them) countries from south east asia. Well i was excited for this, they were even going to open a new part of the jungle in Thailand for us to train in, there would be deadly snakes, Big cats. Cool ass ****. Well I had not smoked and weed since before bootcamp, but the night before I was going to go sign my orders, me and a couple friends were drinking. They pulled out a blunt so I smoked with them. When we went to go sign our orders, they drug tested us. I was ****ed. Done, its zero tolerance in the marine corps now. I developed a substance abuse problem because of my anxiety. I know this is long, and not very structured, but so are my thoughts.

 

[jaim38]

Thanks for sharing your story. Have you tried joining AAA or a substance abuse group? I wish you the best of luck in getting your life back on track.

 

[Section_31]

Welcome.

I wanted to be a marine myself but being canadian, just couldnt do so at the time.

Im glad you found this place . Take each day a step at a time and realize nothing gets solved overnight. You need to have a setback before you make a comeback.

Again, welcome!

 

[New_thinking]

Thanks. The second part i ****ed up. I met this great girl, we dated for a few months and ended up moving in together. We lived together for two years. We were very much in love. I actually drank and used much less while with her. I did smoke a lot of pot. She is chinese, very studious. Im very athletic and much more common sense/problem sloving skills. I was pushed to start college, i was studying computer network engineering technology, and i did very well at first, but the stress got to me and i started taking celexa, and lorazepam. I start abusing the lorazepam very soon. I got very depressed at first on the celexa. Slowly I started drinking again, untill i was drinking, taking lorazepam, and my antidepressent. Then i started doing pain killers here and there. I would always try to quit, hold out as long as i could. It really created a lot of problems between us, i wasnt doing my best in life. I ended up being an ******* whenever i drank and took the loraz. She ended up leaving me, planned it a month ahead of time. I knew somthing was up because she pulled away. A week after her withdrawling from me I weaned my self off the celexa, quit drinking, and cut down on the loraazepam. I thought she was seeing somone but it was just i was being hard to live with. When she finally left, I had spent three hours that day making dinner for her, downloaded 20 episodes of her fav tv show. I was trying very hard. When she left I stayed sober for about 3 days. Then i isolated and drank every day for about 3 months. I finally came back to where i grew up and stayed sober for a week, then drank again for like 3 weeks. I ruined my life, i have no job, no car, I wasted like 1500 dollars on drinking. She would have never left me if i was at least sober and working towards bettering myself. The horrible thing of this is, after 4 weeks of drinking in my apartment i ended up getting the lorazepam pills. I got them so i could take them properly and wean myself off the alcohol. well two days later i got some beer, took the rest of the bottle of lorazepam and ended up cutting my wrist. I would never normally do somthing like that. I now have a scar I hate looking at it every ****ing day. I feel so worthless. I think it would be easier to end it every few days. I would never do it, but i think about it. I just hate life right now. Ive had so many good opportunities in life and ive ****ed every single one up so far. Rumination is my biggest weakness.

 

[Tarrant]

Hi

i think book Mrs Wanda Pratnicka 'Possessed by Ghosts' can help you.
My brother had similar issue, and after few months of exorcism he was free od his problems.
Try to read book, and if you thin she can help you find her bt google.

 

[truffleshuffle]

Hi

i think book Mrs Wanda Pratnicka 'Possessed by Ghosts' can help you.
My brother had similar issue, and after few months of exorcism he was free od his problems.
Try to read book, and if you thin she can help you find her bt google.

I am sorry but are you trully sugjesting an exorcism for sa and depression stuff and drug and alcohol problmes mg: