jayBDee
Active member
I have been lurking for sometime. Just the thought of posting freaked me out.
My social anxiety started when I was a little lad. I think it all started when I lost my brother. The death communicated to me that the world wasn't a safe place. My parents went down hill. My mom attempted suicide. My dad drank like a fish and took off. I spent most of elementary school in a daze. Most of my teachers commented that I was always day dreaming and was very withdrawn. Middle school wasn't any easier. I was very withdrawn and was a very easy target for bullies. I basically believed that I was worthless. I thought about killing myself. In desperation I told my mom that I didn't want to live anymore. I had all the symptoms of major depression. I was hypersomic and was very weepy. The doctor stuck me on medications. I tried a ton of different medications. All throughout high school it was basically the same. I was depressed and still trying different meds. I thought meds were a crock. After high school, I dragged my ass to college. There was a little week retreat prior to the start of class. I had high anxiety before the event. I would have bailed out but the event was required. So I went, I feel sorry for the person that sat next to me on the bus. We were suppose to be mingling but I didn't say one word to the person next to me. When we finally arrived to the camp. I felt the anxiety getting higher and higher. I eventually bolted and hid in the woods. I then went into the cabin and buried myself in my blankets. My cabin mates kept telling me to come out of the cabin and play the organized games outside. I made some bullshit excuse that I was sick and just stayed in the cabin. So I basically spent the week hiding out. I even considered calling my mom on my cell to pick me up. How embarrassing.... :roll:
So I attempted college. I was still trying different meds. Then finally I took Paxil and it totally rid me of anxiety and depression for 8 months. I started to talk to a few people at college. I was doing ok academically and just started to be more social. Then it was totally ripped out from underneath me. It stopped working after 8 months. My doctor tried upping the med. He tried augmenting the med and finally changing me to other meds.
Today, I am still on meds. They are helping some. I am a mess when I get off of them. It's still not like that 8 month holiday I had free of anxiety and depression. I tried some CBT. I didn't notice any major improvement with the exercises.[/i]
My social anxiety started when I was a little lad. I think it all started when I lost my brother. The death communicated to me that the world wasn't a safe place. My parents went down hill. My mom attempted suicide. My dad drank like a fish and took off. I spent most of elementary school in a daze. Most of my teachers commented that I was always day dreaming and was very withdrawn. Middle school wasn't any easier. I was very withdrawn and was a very easy target for bullies. I basically believed that I was worthless. I thought about killing myself. In desperation I told my mom that I didn't want to live anymore. I had all the symptoms of major depression. I was hypersomic and was very weepy. The doctor stuck me on medications. I tried a ton of different medications. All throughout high school it was basically the same. I was depressed and still trying different meds. I thought meds were a crock. After high school, I dragged my ass to college. There was a little week retreat prior to the start of class. I had high anxiety before the event. I would have bailed out but the event was required. So I went, I feel sorry for the person that sat next to me on the bus. We were suppose to be mingling but I didn't say one word to the person next to me. When we finally arrived to the camp. I felt the anxiety getting higher and higher. I eventually bolted and hid in the woods. I then went into the cabin and buried myself in my blankets. My cabin mates kept telling me to come out of the cabin and play the organized games outside. I made some bullshit excuse that I was sick and just stayed in the cabin. So I basically spent the week hiding out. I even considered calling my mom on my cell to pick me up. How embarrassing.... :roll:
So I attempted college. I was still trying different meds. Then finally I took Paxil and it totally rid me of anxiety and depression for 8 months. I started to talk to a few people at college. I was doing ok academically and just started to be more social. Then it was totally ripped out from underneath me. It stopped working after 8 months. My doctor tried upping the med. He tried augmenting the med and finally changing me to other meds.
Today, I am still on meds. They are helping some. I am a mess when I get off of them. It's still not like that 8 month holiday I had free of anxiety and depression. I tried some CBT. I didn't notice any major improvement with the exercises.[/i]
