Hey, I'm Katie and I'm 14. I have pretty bad social phobia. I was bullied every single day at school by pretty much everyone from 1st grade up until I left my old school in 7th grade. I got to where I would have rather died then go back to school (which is why I switched schools). Most of my friends from that school ended up stabbing me in the back. I'm also an only child. I'm pretty sure all of those things caused the social phobia. Anyways, I'm doing better now than I was at my old school. The people at my new school pretty much leave me alone and don't pick on me or anything. I have one best friend, but sometimes I question weather she is really my friend or not just because of a lot of stuff. Then I have two other semi-friends, Bethany and Wyatt and everyone in school hates them for some unknown reason. The funny thing is, I wouldn't mind having social phobia if it wasn't for this one problem it has caused me...
Last year, 8th grade, I fell really really hard for this guy. I really do love him even now. Of course, I have never actually managed to talk to him, so, even a year later, he still doesn't know I exist and there's still no way I could ever talk to him. It gets worse. Around the end of 8th grade, he started dating this gorgeous girl who moved here from Canada. Everyone in the school worshiped her (and they still do, believe me). She has everything I've ever wanted and then some. Amazing clothes, beautiful long brown hair, extremely sweet to everyone including me, a million friends who love her, really good grades, etc. You name it, she has it. So, anyways, they started dating. This wouldn't have really bothered me if I had known that they'd never work out and would eventually break up, but they seemed to really really like each other. They were always together. Always flirting, eating lunch together, holding hands, her sitting in his lap sharing an iPod, the dreamy "we love each other so much" looks, stuff like that ALL the time. And i had every one of my classes with both of them. They broke up eventually because he didn't want to hurt her by saying he loved her since he respected her to much. She cried for 2 days straight. My best friend was constantly talking to her and comforting her (knowing fully well that I'm in love with him, mind you) and so was everyone else in the class. it was almost worse than when they were going out. Anyways, the remained best friends. They still flirt constantly to this day and I'm absoloutly convinced that they still love each other. She's all over him every day, especially when they sit together in 5th, 6th, and 7th period. I HATE her try as I might not to. I feel guilty about it (allthough I don't know why I should since she took my heart and stomped on it repeatedly with her big Canadian feet until it was in a million tiny pieces and she still continues to do it every single day) Plus, my best friend is always going on and on about how pretty, smart, and just plain awesome she is. Plus she's always saying how adoreable her and him are together and how much they love each other. If I didn't have social phobia, I could have avoided every bit of this because I could have talked to him and we would have ended up dating. It's too late now. He's gonna end up with her and I'll end up with a permanently broken heart.
Anyone have a similiar experience?
Last year, 8th grade, I fell really really hard for this guy. I really do love him even now. Of course, I have never actually managed to talk to him, so, even a year later, he still doesn't know I exist and there's still no way I could ever talk to him. It gets worse. Around the end of 8th grade, he started dating this gorgeous girl who moved here from Canada. Everyone in the school worshiped her (and they still do, believe me). She has everything I've ever wanted and then some. Amazing clothes, beautiful long brown hair, extremely sweet to everyone including me, a million friends who love her, really good grades, etc. You name it, she has it. So, anyways, they started dating. This wouldn't have really bothered me if I had known that they'd never work out and would eventually break up, but they seemed to really really like each other. They were always together. Always flirting, eating lunch together, holding hands, her sitting in his lap sharing an iPod, the dreamy "we love each other so much" looks, stuff like that ALL the time. And i had every one of my classes with both of them. They broke up eventually because he didn't want to hurt her by saying he loved her since he respected her to much. She cried for 2 days straight. My best friend was constantly talking to her and comforting her (knowing fully well that I'm in love with him, mind you) and so was everyone else in the class. it was almost worse than when they were going out. Anyways, the remained best friends. They still flirt constantly to this day and I'm absoloutly convinced that they still love each other. She's all over him every day, especially when they sit together in 5th, 6th, and 7th period. I HATE her try as I might not to. I feel guilty about it (allthough I don't know why I should since she took my heart and stomped on it repeatedly with her big Canadian feet until it was in a million tiny pieces and she still continues to do it every single day) Plus, my best friend is always going on and on about how pretty, smart, and just plain awesome she is. Plus she's always saying how adoreable her and him are together and how much they love each other. If I didn't have social phobia, I could have avoided every bit of this because I could have talked to him and we would have ended up dating. It's too late now. He's gonna end up with her and I'll end up with a permanently broken heart.
Anyone have a similiar experience?
