My sister...

[Lotrsfan]

I don't get my sister sometimes. She's shy and she's admitted it once when we were talking about something and she brought it up saying "I'm not the most out-going person etc etc..." (as in her not me) but i don't nesscarily think she is because recently this new guy started at her school, became friends with her and her friends and now they are now boyfriend and girlfriend but i don't get it because she's shy and i keep thinking How did she talk to him or How did she (if she asked him out first) ask him out if she's shy? etc etc. Also she's always mentioning new people and saying "Me and so-and-so are going shopping at the weekend?" and i think in my head "Who?...i've never heard her mention that person before? and how did she become friends with her if she's shy?". But then with family (not my main family.) i mean...like my Aunts, Uncles, and nan she doesn't talk to them or more she does if they ask her something. Ok, i can't talk because i don't really talk to them either, or only if they ask me something. But i do suffer from Social Phobia so that's why. But if my sister's claimed herself a boyfriend and is always mentioning and meeting new people what is she? Shy or Social Phobic? :?

 

[COALPORTER]

Im male, so this is from a male point of view
Shyness really isn't as big a problem for girls as for boys/men.
My moms only advice to me on talking to girls was to just "smile and say ,"hi"!
Well, thats advice to give to a daugter, not a son!!
That all a chick needs to do is walk up to you and smile and say, "HI" and shes preatty much done her job.
NOW ITS YOUR TURN TO TAKE OVER!!
Its a guys job/role to make the first move.
Thats why being a shy guy is bad news and you will never get anywhere.
Men are supposed to have courage, guts ....BALLS!!
I would never go out with a woman that asked me on a date.
A girl that wants a date should make me ask.
If im too shy to ask then she shouldn't want me anyway.

hope this helps explain a few things.
Im not so good either....dont worry.

 

[Kinetik]

It's true, women can generally get by on being shy, in fact, a lot of guys even specifically go for that. I myself would much rather be with a quiet, humble girl than one who was loudmouthed, always partying etc. That means that for women, it's possible to have SA and still be very attractive. That's why it doesn't seem like so much of a handicap in the dating world, because in the way of traditional gender roles, SA can even complement a woman quite nicely due to the stereotypically female traits of timidity etc. Guys on the other hand are supposed to act a different way entirely, one that coincides with displays of confidence and dominance and that's really difficult with SA since that's pretty much the antithesis of what we're able to do. I mean, I'd describe myself as confident, but you wouldn't believe how many people I've met think I hate myself and am chronically depressed simply because I'd rather keep to myself and not be "out there" in any way. If you're not the kind of assertive, go-get-it type of guy who's forever hunting, you're off the team, out of the "good gene" pool, whereas women are almost expected to be reluctant and difficult. I realize I'm painting with a pretty broad brush here, but I think it's generally accurate.

 

[Colin]

Aye, it's true. It's socially-created, a norm, however some would argue it's biologically-determined. There are some societies in the world where the female is expected to initiate, and some where both are expected to initiate (I don't know which ones, I would really like to know!)

 

[Snowcrash]

I would never go out with a woman that asked me on a date.
A girl that wants a date should make me ask.
If im too shy to ask then she shouldn't want me anyway.

Do you really believe all of that?

I dunno, it all seems kinda 1953 to me....

 

[COALPORTER]

I would never go out with a woman that asked me on a date.
A girl that wants a date should make me ask.
If im too shy to ask then she shouldn't want me anyway.

Do you really believe all of that?

I dunno, it all seems kinda 1953 to me....

First are you male or female?
Maybe 1953 (in the USA) wasn't so bad, because social roles were much more defined and it probably made things much easier for society. Men and Woman were tought and new what was expected of them. We didn't have so many social problems. Today, its okay to be gay, its okay to be an unwed single mom, its okay to shack -up, divorce for any reason is okay.

Yes, I'm more sure of this now that I've done some research and really thought about how things work. (and figured out why i don't get ANY dates......... because i never ask)
Women are much shyer than men and thier fear rejection much greater than men, so a woman that may be dieing for you to ask her will NEVER ask you. If your such a big chicken wimp, then you will never get a date and that is exactly what you diserve!
Men are supposed to lead, dominate, and defend and not worry about rejection. Why would a woman even want a man that is too much of a shy wimp to ask for what he wants??

I'd love to hear a female's perseptive on this?? Girls, am i right?

 

[Snowcrash]

Sometimes it's okay to say "Gender rules be damned, If she wants to aks me out, let her!"

Yeah, I have to run to work, so I can't write much, but that pretty much sums up how I feel.

 

[lacnail]

Well--this is a girl speaking. I can't really talk much about guys and gender roles cause I'm gay. It might be one reason I'm really shy with male people. It seems that any time you talk to a male you are interested in them or something...

I like forward girls but I also feel like I have something to relate to in shy girls.

 

[plainsofserenity]

as a guy - if a girl asked me out I'd be flattered.

 

[haze]

shy is a very relative thing, someone would say there are shy because they feel awkward around new people others would say their shy because they never socialize ever and the sheer thought of doing something with another human being makes them sick.