My real personality...

[kuhtreen]

There are two versions of me: the real me, and the awkward/insecure/uncomfortable/social phobic version of me.
It just sucks because I really think that people would like me if they knew the real girl that is hidden behind this disorder. But nobody can see her or know her.

You know what I just realized? Even around my family I am insecure, and it really effects the way I act around them...I don't even know who the "real me" is anymore. I honestly have no idea who I would be if I was confident and comfortable around people. Or maybe this is me, and I just want to believe that deep down I am someone better.

 

[blackheartedboy]

Get drunk and do something crazy.

 

[Akira]

I think that everyone has a multitude of personae, it's just that social phobics can't help but to portray awkward/insecure characteristics around other people. In a way, the combination of all of these personae make up the individual. Also, I'm sure we all know exactly how you feel. There's a huge difference between "me" in real life and "me" on the internet, yet neither feels quite right.

 

[Dave_McFadden]

It just sucks because I really think that people would like me if they knew the real girl that is hidden behind this disorder. But nobody can see her or know her.

I honestly have no idea who I would be if I was confident and comfortable around people.

The real you is probably the same "you" that sings, plays guitar, and uploads videos to youtube.

 

[kuhtreen]

The real you is probably the same "you" that sings, plays guitar, and uploads videos to youtube.

I'm still uncomfortable when I'm on camera. I'm more myself around my family than I am when I record videos, for sure.

 

[Videotape]

i know EXACTLY what your talking about.

 

[Slothrop]

It's revealing if you think about it.

Since there really is only one you, there's no point in worrying about which one is the "real" you. They both are. One is just a part of you that you don't feel in control of.

This also tells you who you'll be as you gain confidence: you'll be you! Confidence just means more choice and opportunity in your life because you feel less confined by the anxiety. You'll be the same person you are now, just with less holding your tongue for fear of what people will think of what you say, less declining opportunities for fear of new situations, less of whatever else you do to put up that shield that prevents you from expressing your "real" self.

So then one question to ask is why do we feel the need to put up that shield? Is it because there's something really that bad on the other side that's going to "get us" or do we just feel too insecure to go without it?

I think if you really start picking apart your fears it starts to seem less like the former and more like the latter. We have all of these expectations about how people will react to something we say or do: we assume they'll notice, we assume they'll care, we assume they'll react negatively, and finally, we assume they'll react so negatively that it isn't worth the risk.

(It's the same way with personal flaws: we assume they are flaws, we assume people notice them, we assume people care, we assume people can't relate or sympathize or tolerate with them, etc.)

At the root of all that, though we have an assumption that we'll even do or say something "wrong" to begin with. That's nothing to do with them, that's entirely a lack of faith in our own abilities. I think that's where confidence really begins.

So, in trying to be the "real" you, I think a good place to start is with the places you already feel the most like "yourself", such as with your family. Pay attention to how rarely you feel your flaws are on display, and how rarely you actually do anything that you're afraid is going to happen in front of other people. That may give you just enough confidence to exhibit more of real self in less comfortable situations—once you start having successes like that it only gets easier.

 

[BIG_FRINGE]

ya know even really confident people find it hard. beacuse people who arent as confident feel awkward around confident people, so theres times where its hard in that way too.
i always feel abit awkward around new people, and someone turned round to me and goes wow ur not shy at all r u!! i was like wow i thought i was being shy.
so sometimes how we think we look, is different to other people.