My OCD and me

[-overwhelminglyconfused-]

I am sixteen and have had ocd for the past two years. No one in my life knows about my ocd. I do a good job of hiding it from my family, I guess. They some times catch me doing rituals and all they think is that it's just me being weird.I have no close friends to share my secret with. I know that if I can't tell anyone about my disorder then I will never be able to live a normal life, ocd free. So I came to this website to possibly communicate some with people that have or are going through what I am.

I guess I should put everything out there.

I don't know the exact time ocd became a part of my life. There was no day where I woke up and noticed I was having these horrible thoughts and repeating things over and over to keep them away. It just happened over time without me knowing. I don't remember a time when I could just wake up and go about my day like everyone else.

I don't even know if any of this makes any sense. It is hard for me to talk about this, so I am sorry if things are scattered and hard to read.


In the beginning, back when I was fourteen, ocd really mest up my life. I didn't even know I had ocd. I just thought there was just something wrong with me. I remember feeling so lost. The rituals I would do took up so much of my time. The number of times I would do things to get them right was crazy. I would have to touch my door knob and then my light switch sooo many times before I could do things in my room.I would just lay there all day in my bed so that I wouldn't have to do my rituals.

One day I was watching a comedy special.The comedian said something about ocd. I realized that I could have that. I researched it and knew that it was what I had. Putting a name to what I had helped me alot. Knowing that I wasn't alone was a huge relief. The things that I have learned about it have helped me control my ocd.

Even though my ocd is not as bad as it once was it still is horrible. I spend so much time on rituals. I am up all night because I cannot stop thinking about all the horribles things that could happen if I stopped my rituals. I'm scarred of so many things. Every day I have terrible thoughts that I have to make sure don't come true.

I am afraid that if I don't talk to people about my ocd then I will be this way forever.

I'm Christina by the way. It took a lot for me to write this. If anyone wants to comment on anything that would be great. If anyone has any advice on how I could possibly tell my parents about my ocd it would be very appreciated. I would also, really like to talk with people who are or havle dealt with ocd.

 

[fudgy]

christine I know where you are with it and I know where your coming from
there are lots of sufferers on here so I hope they do add something to this thread.

Even though my ocd is not as bad as it once was it still is horrible. I spend so much time on rituals. I am up all night because I cannot stop thinking about all the horribles things that could happen if I stopped my rituals.

this is what ocd is about and although you may not be ready to fight it , this is ultimately what you will have to do to make it go away.

nothing bad will ever happen , but I do understand the fear for you has you gripped right now.

You need to get cognitive therapy if you can , this will "expose" your ocd and you will basically be tought how to just ignore the desire to act out the rituals and as your anxiety levels will finally drop and you will begin to realise your ocd has no power over you , and its not up to you/me/anyone on here to save the world , our family , starving kids in africa etc etc .

But for the time being just know christina that there is a way out of this , you are only 16 and you can have this dealt with and move on in life without ocd or at least knowing how to deal with it. Please dont spend half your life on a forum talking about it getting worse and worse , you MUST give your self a break , and get help and be free to live your life.

you said its not as horrible as it was ., well that's good , that means you will believe that is can weaken .


christina , you are amongst people who have have/ had every nasty , re-occurring , damming thought possible so don't be scared to ask anything.

 

[jrm]

Hey Christina, I can relate. I was in my early teens when OCD first began its torments. I didn't realise what it was and I used to pray that I would overcome the 'curse' on me.

I still hide it but my family knows now and my girlfriend kind of dragged it out of me when she noticed me taking my medications. I feared that if anyone found out I would be thought of as weird or mocked or scorned. Instead I discovered the few who knew were generally supportive and were eager to help me fight it and am sure you will find the same.

You need a qualified therapist to treat you and due to your age you will just have to come right out and tell your parents. I suggest you print off an ocd factsheet or info for them from a decent website as they will want to know more about it. A therapist will help you in 3 ways: they will be a trusted and confidential coach who will keep you on track, they will take you through cognitive therapy which is the key to dealing with ocd, and they may prescribe SSRI medication to help rebalance your brain's chemicals which is a key cause of OCD.

You don't have to tell everyone, but at least share it with your parents. If you have any questions or want any advise pls just let me know,
josh

 

[Falkor]

I can kinda Relate. Sometimes I just need to touch something or I think something bad will happen. BUT I don't have rituals, I only have that a very few times.. I bet every person has that sometimes.
But sometimes It gets worse, and it turns out to be OCD.
But I have a different type of OCD, i think. I think too much and am obsessed about everything, I have kinda rituals in my head about negative thoughts.
it drives me insane. Like If I hold a baby I can't stop thinking I will let the baby fall.. or If I see a animal I would think crazy If he can read my mind.
I'm just sooo weird u know. My Thoughts are insane.
And also I worry about every step I take, is it good enough? Do I look weak?
It's just terrible.
So I can kinda relate to your story. On a different way though.

In my mental hospital, there's a boy who needs to shower for 2 hours, He can't stop it, because He need to do rituals in the bathroom. I don't know If that's like ur story, but maybe it makes u feel not alone. Was very sad for him. And He needed to get an alarm because the people don't allow him to do that all over and over again. I bet he has SA too, because he's very awkward and shy around people. Extremely shy u could say. LIke me.
Sometimes when I think back of him, I feel like.. I'm not alone.
I always think people control everything better than me, But I hope i will control everything better too one day. Like the ''normal'' people, but hey,, what's normal ? Nothing. And everything.
We are just who we are. Adn we should learn new things to control our lifes.
And live a happy life.

Keep strong

 

[-overwhelminglyconfused-]

I have a question about the medication. I've heard that people that take that medicine still struggle with ocd. So what's the point in taking it when it doesn't help stop everything?

 

[jrm]

I have a question about the medication. I've heard that people that take that medicine still struggle with ocd. So what's the point in taking it when it doesn't help stop everything?

medication is not a cure but it helps you a lot when it comes to resisting and fighting your ocd. It also reduces anxiety and depression (if you get that)

I find meds essential as I get really bad depression after bad ocd events. It also takes the edge of the obsessive thoughts and makes it easier not to do the rituals. Talk to your doctor but I would suggest you give meds a serious try. You may have to try a few before you find one that is effective for you with minimal side effects...

 

[-overwhelminglyconfused-]

So it would be great if someone would yell at me and tell me I have to tell my parents right now about my ocd. I am freaking out. Every time I'm around my parents I start thinking of how they will react. I don't know if I can do it. Maybe if someone told me to do it then I would feel obligated or something. My heart's racing so fast, I wouldn't be surprised if I have a heart attack.

 

[fudgy]

Maybe if someone told me to do it then I would feel obligated or something. My heart's racing so fast, I wouldn't be surprised if I have a heart attack.

thats just asking us to feed your ocd and you then will have an ocd association with this forum instead of using it to talk and share your load.

 

[jrm]

quit wasting time and tell them - you shouldnt need someone to yell at you for you to do something, you have to take initiative in your life.

 

[-overwhelminglyconfused-]

So I told my mom. It just came out. I feel like she isn't taking me seriously. I told her about a lot of the things my ocd causes me to do. She just keeps on saying it's nothing. I don't know how to get her to believe that what I have is actually ocd.

 

[jrm]

So I told my mom. It just came out. I feel like she isn't taking me seriously. I told her about a lot of the things my ocd causes me to do. She just keeps on saying it's nothing. I don't know how to get her to believe that what I have is actually ocd.

yeah people who don't have find it hard to understand it because they think its just silly thoughts in their head and they should get over it. They cannot truly relate because they do not have the condition so don't be so hard on them, my family is often like that too.

Just make sure you go to see a therapist for help. If your mom won't take you then talk to your school guidance councillor

best luck chica

 

[-overwhelminglyconfused-]

Thanks for the knowledge and support. I was wondering if I should tell my normal doctor before I go see a therapist. Isn't that something he needs to know?

 

[jrm]

yeah it would be a good idea. You often need a referral from your GP(normal doctor) to see a specialist and they may be able to recommend a good one to you