My night...

[SadRaver]

Might seem like a narcissistic post, but eh.. can't think of an excuse that makes any sense.

The night started when we got to the rave. Other people whom we knew arrived at the same time we did. I spoke a few words to each of them and then my boyfriend proceeded to charm them like he usually does (<3), and I faded into the background, back into my thoughts, unable to think of anything to say.

Went inside while Jarrett (bf) waited at the gate to greet people on his list (he is a promoter). The inside was huge, with laser light shows on the floor, walls, and ceiling. Music is loud and banging, like I like it. I walk into the huge outdoor back area because there aren't many people inside, and the ones that are are grouped off.

I'm getting into too much detail, I'm realizing. Need to speed things up. Talked to a girl about our kandi (pony-bead jewelry), even introduced myself and got her number, but every time I engaged in conversation with someone, it was always brief and... unsatisfying. What am I unsatisfied with? Myself. For not being more naturally social and friendly. I probably come off as a rude, mean person. But I don't think I am.

Anyway, there is no point to this post except to present a specific experience of a person suffering from social phobia/anxiety. The positive end is that I always force myself to at least GO to the raves, to at least TRY. I never chicken out of just showing up. Only with the support of Jarrett is it really possible..

Meh. Just a ramble.

 

[Srijita52]

Yep, not everyone is natural at everything, even seemingly flawless people have problems too. I guess the best we can do is keep trying, of course there'll be ups and downs but still if we're making progress even in a very slow manner that's worth it. I'm glad you make an effort to go and face your fears. You don't seem like a rude, mean person from your posts here and I'm sure you're not in real life either.

 

[SadRaver]

Yep, not everyone is natural at everything, even seemingly flawless people have problems too. I guess the best we can do is keep trying, of course there'll be ups and downs but still if we're making progress even in a very slow manner that's worth it. I'm glad you make an effort to go and face your fears. You don't seem like a rude, mean person from your posts here and I'm sure you're not in real life either.

Well, thank you. That was very nice of you. It is an everyday struggle, because people are everywhere, not just at raves. Often I wish I could just be an animal, or some mute creature, so it would be normal for me to be quiet. Then I could just watch people, and nature, and the world happening around me, and there'd be no reason to be hard on myself.

 

[Srijita52]

Well, thank you. That was very nice of you. It is an everyday struggle, because people are everywhere, not just at raves. Often I wish I could just be an animal, or some mute creature, so it would be normal for me to be quiet. Then I could just watch people, and nature, and the world happening around me, and there'd be no reason to be hard on myself.

Yeah, I know how you feel but I guess since we're humans we can never get away from this social interaction thing.

 

[MikeyC]

Music is loud and banging, like I like it.

Yeah, I like it like this, too. I guess that's a prerequisite for a rave, though!

every time I engaged in conversation with someone, it was always brief and... unsatisfying. What am I unsatisfied with? Myself. For not being more naturally social and friendly. I probably come off as a rude, mean person. But I don't think I am.

It's very difficult to have an in-depth conversation with loud techno music blasting your ears off.

The positive end is that I always force myself to at least GO to the raves, to at least TRY. I never chicken out of just showing up.

This is great! I am the same. I have horrible anxiety around women and I still go to these things, too. The more you go to, the easier it becomes, even if you don't think so.