My Mum-Need Advice Please

[scottishpacfan]

To Note,this has happened a couple of times...

My Mum is 81 and her memory is not very good short term anymore and all of the time i sit downstairs with her watching tv unless i'm out up the town getting messages or on nights out with my friends .

Sometimes i go up to my room and some times not all lay on my bed and end up nodding off for a couple of hours and when i wake up like tonight the back of 8pm i came down stairs and she was coming up saying she was going to her bed,she felt silly sitting herself,terms like that and i say to her"Mum,i'm here lets go watch tv" words to that effect and she will keep saying" No,I'm going to my bed,fed up sitting myself".

What do i do???? Surely i get to go up to my room for well what ever??!.

I feel Gulity and i know i shouldnt.

Any Advice???.

 

[Guffaw]

My nan is 85 and I've always been very close to her. More so than I am with my mum. For the past few years, if I annoy her in any way, she will refuse to talk to me at all. If I go round there (she lives with my parents), she will hide in her room to avoid me. It used to really upset me because I never intentionally upset/annoy her, but now I just let her get on with it. It takes a couple of months, but she gets over it and we're back to being great friends again.
She never used to do it, so I'm putting a lot of it down to her age.
It sounds like your mum is lonely. Maybe because she's getting on a bit she may have fears of dying alone.
My advice is to wait until she's in a good mood, and try to explain how it makes you feel. Let her know that you love her and you'll always be there for her, but you still need to live your own life too. When you are there with her, make her feel special. She may worry that you don't want to hang out with her. Ask her. If she feels happier about the situation, it's more likely to make your life easier.
You may have to do it a few times though as she has a short term memory problem.
Sorry I can't be of more help but I really hope things get better for you both.

 

[scottishpacfan]

My nan is 85 and I've always been very close to her. More so than I am with my mum. For the past few years, if I annoy her in any way, she will refuse to talk to me at all. If I go round there (she lives with my parents), she will hide in her room to avoid me. It used to really upset me because I never intentionally upset/annoy her, but now I just let her get on with it. It takes a couple of months, but she gets over it and we're back to being great friends again.
She never used to do it, so I'm putting a lot of it down to her age.
It sounds like your mum is lonely. Maybe because she's getting on a bit she may have fears of dying alone.
My advice is to wait until she's in a good mood, and try to explain how it makes you feel. Let her know that you love her and you'll always be there for her, but you still need to live your own life too. When you are there with her, make her feel special. She may worry that you don't want to hang out with her. Ask her. If she feels happier about the situation, it's more likely to make your life easier.
You may have to do it a few times though as she has a short term memory problem.
Sorry I can't be of more help but I really hope things get better for you both.

My Mum just did it again tonight i had a huge dinner and when i finished it at 6pm i told my mum i was going to up to my room to lay down on my bed for a bit to let my food get down/settle in my belly and i came out my room at 7.40pm and go dpwn stairs and she had all the Curtains darwn and i asked what was going n she said" I'm going to my med bed, im fed up of sitting on my own" and when i told her that o TOLD her i was going up to my room for a bit she just said "I'm Tired".

WHY is she doing this?????!?!?! i'm starting to feel i shouldnt go up to my room anymore

 

[scottishpacfan]

I went up to her room to have a heart to heart with her about this and i said is it because i go up to my room for a bit you go to bed and she said"No that's your bad mind, there is nothing on the tv and i get tired".

What is this all meaning????.

 

[scottishpacfan]

I'm very confused and utterly,utterly bewildered

 

[mmmm]

It seems like an unlikely co-incidence that the curtains were already closed when you came down and she just so happened to be going up to bed the very second she heard you coming down. If she really didn't want to watch TV alone, she would have gone to bed at six. She obviously waited for you to come down so that she could drop the guilt bomb.

Why not invite her out on one of your nights out? Of course she will refuse but it will soothe her if you make the gesture.

Next time, watch a few minutes of TV with her before you go up and when you want to go up say "thank you for taking the time to watch TV with me" This will imply that you believe she has better things to do and you don't want to take up any more of her time.

I've never been in your situation, so I might be talking rubbish. Sorry you have to go through that.

 

[scottishpacfan]

It seems like an unlikely co-incidence that the curtains were already closed when you came down and she just so happened to be going up to bed the very second she heard you coming down. If she really didn't want to watch TV alone, she would have gone to bed at six. She obviously waited for you to come down so that she could drop the guilt bomb.

Why not invite her out on one of your nights out? Of course she will refuse but it will soothe her if you make the gesture.

Next time, watch a few minutes of TV with her before you go up and when you want to go up say "thank you for taking the time to watch TV with me" This will imply that you believe she has better things to do and you don't want to take up any more of her time.

I've never been in your situation, so I might be talking rubbish. Sorry you have to go through that.

I dont think my mum will feel like going out partying around bars with my mates and i hahah!! well when i came down the stair,she was in the kitchen having a drink and i looked in the living room and noticed all the curtains were closed and in our spare room and kitchen as well.

"Next time, watch a few minutes of TV with her " I spend 80% of my time watching tv with my mum and i enjoy it,i'm just stating a fact here.