My love/hate relationship with hydrocodone

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powerfulthoughts

Well-known member
For a few years now, I have taken hydrocodone (vicodin) or sometimes oxycodone (percocet) to numb my social anxiety. And trust me, it works. I have been relying on it to get me through work, and when I take it, I am sociable, funny, and love being there. When I don't take it, I am awkward, scared, and cannot socialize for the life of me.

This dependence has led me to a dilemma. I am spending a lot of money keeping this up. I also feel like I am physically and mentally addicted; not severely so, but enough to feel the sting of being without them. Every time that I want to stop taking them, I go out in public and think, "oh yeah, this is why I take them." The inward feeling of hell is too strong for me, and I succumb again to seeking out the pills.

I am not a person who anyone would think would take these pills. I hide it very well. These pills do not make me act reckless or stupid. They merely numb my fear. I don't feel fearful AT ALL while I take them. This effect only lasts a couple hours though, and then my self-consciousness and social anxiety seeps back in. It feels like magic for 2 hours.

I'm aware this feeling is because I am technically "high" on the chemical, but I don't care. I am fully functional and actually perform my job and all social functions much better while I take them. This is a very hard thing for me to deal with, because I cannot afford to keep taking these pills. Financially it takes a toll on me, and I know my physical health is at risk too, although I don't really feel too much of that now.

I am pretty much two different people with these pills in my life. People at my job probably think I have multiple personalities. One scared weirdo, and the other confident and funny, and pleasant to be around.

One person does know that I take vicodin to feel better in social situations, and he said "you don't want to have to depend on them." But really, I have NOTHING else. The only time I have ever hung out with anyone, or had any meaningful interactions with people is because I was on vicodin.

This leaves me in a very bad spot. I either keep taking them and lose a lot of money and possibly health, or I completely stop and continue to live in the dreaded torture of social phobia and fear. I am not happy about either option.

Okay, I am done writing my thoughts. I just needed somewhere to express and sort of get these thoughts out of my system. Thanks for reading if you did.
 
razzle dazzle rose

razzle dazzle rose

Well-known member
The first time I tried vicodin was before a final presentation in college about six years ago. I had been feeling really stressed out about this presentation, and got the idea to ask my friend for vicodin as she had some at the time. She gave me a couple of them. I was not sure if it would do anything.

It was, no, it IS, one of the best feelings I have ever felt. Like floating on clouds I say. Such a breezy feeling, but I was still "all there." I felt like I had discovered gold. The whole time I used them I was conscious and afraid of getting hooked on them and going on to trying harder stuff. This period, fortunately (or unfortunately, depending on how I look at the situation) didn't last long as my body began to reject the pills and I'd get very sick taking them. So, I never had to make that decision to stop as my body made it for me.

When these pills used to work for me, it was very good. Like I said, the best feeling ever. I understand why you don't want to stop taking them, and why you want to stop.

An ex-worker of mine once told me about this worm she had in her brain from eating undercooked pork. She mentioned how the only thing she can do to deal with the pain was take vicodin as this worm couldn't be removed. She got an never-ending supply from her doctor. At the time I thought having a worm in the brain must be the best thing ever.

I don't know what to tell you. Part of me wants to urge you to stop, but I know that if I didn't get sick taking them, I probably would still be using them. These days I take xanax when I am feeling more anxious than usual. It helps relax me, but nothing near how vicodin used to. Maybe vicodin should be prescribed to treat anxiety disorders as it works so well.
 
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powerfulthoughts

Well-known member
razzle dazzle rose said:
The first time I tried vicodin was before a final presentation in college about six years ago. I had been feeling really stressed out about this presentation, and got the idea to ask my friend for vicodin as she had some at the time. She gave me a couple of them. I was not sure if it would do anything.

It was, no, it IS, one of the best feelings I have ever felt. Like floating on clouds I say. Such a breezy feeling, but I was still "all there." I felt like I had discovered gold. The whole time I used them I was conscious and afraid of getting hooked on them and going on to trying harder stuff. This period, fortunately (or unfortunately, depending on how I look at the situation) didn't last long as my body began to reject the pills and I'd get very sick taking them. So, I never had to make that decision to stop as my body made it for me.

When these pills used to work for me, it was very good. Like I said, the best feeling ever. I understand why you don't want to stop taking them, and why you want to stop.

An ex-worker of mine once told me about this worm she had in her brain from eating undercooked pork. She mentioned how the only thing she can do to deal with the pain was take vicodin as this worm couldn't be removed. She got an never-ending supply from her doctor. At the time I thought having a worm in the brain must be the best thing ever.

I don't know what to tell you. Part of me wants to urge you to stop, but I know that if I didn't get sick taking them, I probably would still be using them. These days I take xanax when I am feeling more anxious than usual. It helps relax me, but nothing near how vicodin used to. Maybe vicodin should be prescribed to treat anxiety disorders as it works so well.
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Thanks for replying. I used to get that floaty feeling, now I just get slightly buzzed. I do not take it for the "high" so to speak, just to feel fearless around others and in public. And for that, there is no comparison.

I used to get pretty nauseous when I took them, but over time that feeling has gone away. Now, after the effect wears down I just get foggy headed and go to sleep.
 
EscapeArtist

EscapeArtist

Well-known member
Okay.. I used to be addicted to hydrocodone/oxycontin, but it only lasted 3 months, before I ran out.

Have you tried kratom? Basically kratom is a legal herb that when taken acts as a low does of hydrocodone. A lot of heroin addicts use kratom to quit heroin. Thankfully tolerance builds very fast with kratom, so it cannot be used too continuously without losing effect, pretty much forcing the person to take a break or take it only every 2nd day. I highly recommend you order some of this from a reliable source online (I use bikhuk.com.. cheapest you will find. but you live in CA, there are a lot of american sites you can use that will sell you a lesser amount not in bulk) and see if it can fill a place that is not as powerful as percocet or vicodin.

It can be addictive of course, but way less so than percocet and vicodin. You have to start somewhere right? Kratom makes me very social, energetic, euphoric (when tolerance is not built to the skies), it feels to me like a low dose of Vicodin. A lot of people who use kratom are ex- percocet/vicodin/sometimes alcohol addicts as well (or heroin as mentioned before)
 
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powerfulthoughts

Well-known member
EscapeArtist said:
Okay.. I used to be addicted to hydrocodone/oxycontin, but it only lasted 3 months, before I ran out.

Have you tried kratom? Basically kratom is a legal herb that when taken acts as a low does of hydrocodone. A lot of heroin addicts use kratom to quit heroin. Thankfully tolerance builds very fast with kratom, so it cannot be used too continuously without losing effect, pretty much forcing the person to take a break or take it only every 2nd day. I highly recommend you order some of this from a reliable source online (I use bikhuk.com.. cheapest you will find. but you live in CA, there are a lot of american sites you can use that will sell you a lesser amount not in bulk) and see if it can fill a place that is not as powerful as percocet or vicodin.

It can be addictive of course, but way less so than percocet and vicodin. You have to start somewhere right? Kratom makes me very social, energetic, euphoric (when tolerance is not built to the skies), it feels to me like a low dose of Vicodin. A lot of people who use kratom are ex- percocet/vicodin/sometimes alcohol addicts as well (or heroin as mentioned before)
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interesting. Never heard of Kratom. I'll have to look into it.
 
cowboyup

cowboyup

Well-known member
I was prescribed hydrocodone and flexeril when I went to the doctor for months long battle with severe back pain. Honestly, flexeril did nothing for me, I could not even feel any effects but the hydrocodone, oh yes and it was glorious. I would break them in half so I could stretch out the RX as long as possible because there were no refills. I have since run out. darn! For me personally, I have no residual or withdrawal effects, at least to my knowledge...I am taking GABA supplement now and seems to tame my SA a little.

I also had Soma (aka carisprodol (sp)) prescribed as well as my mom had went to Mexico - ironically when she worked at a hospital - so the Somas were pretty much a "staple" around the house - mind you this was in the late 1990s, early 2000s - Unfortunately, the supply eventually dried up, but near the end, I was up to taking 2 pills at a time several times a day - just to feel normal. Once the supply ran out, I of course, was forced to stop cold turkey but as with the hydrocodone, it was not too big of a deal - actually to my surprise. Though I still LOVE that feeling of being able to relax my muscles, able to think "clearly" talk to people, sleep well, and concentrate, I know deep down it was not good at all. And yes, I do miss my little round, white, bitter pills.

...I'm gonna take some GABA now.
 
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