Luna1740
Well-known member
So, a lot has happened over the last two years (this is my first day logging on in a while to say the least).
Long story short:
Things hit rock bottom
Suicide attempt/ Police involvement/ end of University attempt #2
Another Hospital stint
things were great
went with 8 friends and lived in the woods for 28 days as part of a wilderness/ therapy exercise which had a major impact on me
Messed up my shoulder
had shoulder surgery
got hooked on pain meds for shoulder surgery
I got pissed at the pain meds and quit them out of sheer stubbornness, however doing them all day every day, combined with missing a month for the surgery put an end to university attempt #3
Moved to the woods in Arkansas to live with a beautiful girl
Less than one week later left Arkansas after saying stupid drunkenly dramatic (not insulting/angry/threatening, just to be clear, just stupid gibberish that can only come from the psych-med alcohol combo) things to her
Floated around
My sister drove me to the local psychiatric facility in the nick of time, which allowed me to avoid sinking as far down as in the past
While there, the doctor puts me on a new med (which I would soon find out is highly addictive)and I met a beautiful woman that, although 5 years older than me and having a toddler at home, oh and did I mention WE MET AT THE PSYCH WARD?! seemed like the perfect choice of person to date
Most non-suprising crash and burn relationship ever
<Insert ALL of the batman comics and a growing pill addiction>
I get a call from the girl of my dreams (I've loved her since we were little, timing just was never in our favor)
I rescue the girl of my dreams and bring her home, and nurse her back to health as best I can, but I soon find out that some things you just can't fix
I propose to her, and she said yes
We decide to have a child together because the thought of a little half me/half her person running around, to this day, puts the biggest smile on my face
We (I don't remember the forum rules, so I'll just say that we played the most fantastic, incredible, happy, perfect game of scrabble ever played) and I lay in bed all night staring up at the ceiling picturing the beautiful life ahead, and it's like everything, all of the pain, just slid right off.
We wake up and are truly happy together that entire next day. A day which I will always remember, because I never imagined that such a day could possibly be real. I reached my happiest moment, and then the saddest realization of my life tore into me and as hard as we tried to come up with any other possible route, there was really only one path to take, so I drove and we bought the pill, and it was like the moment she took that pill, I could feel us begin to rot
She left me without warning one day not too long after
The realization that I'd lost not only the girl of my dreams, but the life as well pushed me beyond the darkest places I'd ever been. I was so broken that I even stopped taking the pills that I was addicted to, because not even the highest dosage could begin to touch that level of pain.
I picked myself up
Realizing that I had truly reached the pinnacle of sadness and survived, lead me to kind of take a new road
I met her at a bar
We've been together for 3 months now
Our biggest issue seems to be a draw between the severe difference in our intelligence levels (not a conceded statement, it's just the genuine truth)
And I still think about the other girl, I've been through the 5 stages of grief twice already, and each time I hit acceptance, I start to the stages over effectively grieving my acceptance that she is gone, there is nothing that I can do to set things straight and live that beautiful life together
Which is a confusing statement to make because in a totally different way, I do love my current girlfriend and the life we share
Long story short:
Things hit rock bottom
Suicide attempt/ Police involvement/ end of University attempt #2
Another Hospital stint
things were great
went with 8 friends and lived in the woods for 28 days as part of a wilderness/ therapy exercise which had a major impact on me
Messed up my shoulder
had shoulder surgery
got hooked on pain meds for shoulder surgery
I got pissed at the pain meds and quit them out of sheer stubbornness, however doing them all day every day, combined with missing a month for the surgery put an end to university attempt #3
Moved to the woods in Arkansas to live with a beautiful girl
Less than one week later left Arkansas after saying stupid drunkenly dramatic (not insulting/angry/threatening, just to be clear, just stupid gibberish that can only come from the psych-med alcohol combo) things to her
Floated around
My sister drove me to the local psychiatric facility in the nick of time, which allowed me to avoid sinking as far down as in the past
While there, the doctor puts me on a new med (which I would soon find out is highly addictive)and I met a beautiful woman that, although 5 years older than me and having a toddler at home, oh and did I mention WE MET AT THE PSYCH WARD?! seemed like the perfect choice of person to date
Most non-suprising crash and burn relationship ever
<Insert ALL of the batman comics and a growing pill addiction>
I get a call from the girl of my dreams (I've loved her since we were little, timing just was never in our favor)
I rescue the girl of my dreams and bring her home, and nurse her back to health as best I can, but I soon find out that some things you just can't fix
I propose to her, and she said yes
We decide to have a child together because the thought of a little half me/half her person running around, to this day, puts the biggest smile on my face
We (I don't remember the forum rules, so I'll just say that we played the most fantastic, incredible, happy, perfect game of scrabble ever played) and I lay in bed all night staring up at the ceiling picturing the beautiful life ahead, and it's like everything, all of the pain, just slid right off.
We wake up and are truly happy together that entire next day. A day which I will always remember, because I never imagined that such a day could possibly be real. I reached my happiest moment, and then the saddest realization of my life tore into me and as hard as we tried to come up with any other possible route, there was really only one path to take, so I drove and we bought the pill, and it was like the moment she took that pill, I could feel us begin to rot
She left me without warning one day not too long after
The realization that I'd lost not only the girl of my dreams, but the life as well pushed me beyond the darkest places I'd ever been. I was so broken that I even stopped taking the pills that I was addicted to, because not even the highest dosage could begin to touch that level of pain.
I picked myself up
Realizing that I had truly reached the pinnacle of sadness and survived, lead me to kind of take a new road
I met her at a bar
We've been together for 3 months now
Our biggest issue seems to be a draw between the severe difference in our intelligence levels (not a conceded statement, it's just the genuine truth)
And I still think about the other girl, I've been through the 5 stages of grief twice already, and each time I hit acceptance, I start to the stages over effectively grieving my acceptance that she is gone, there is nothing that I can do to set things straight and live that beautiful life together
Which is a confusing statement to make because in a totally different way, I do love my current girlfriend and the life we share