My life is falling apart :'(

[chin ho]

Today the announcement I've been dreading has arrived, it says that I got suspended from two classes (university subjects) because of missing too many days.
I knew I had it coming. I was aware of the consequences but I let my fears take over my brain and body…. I felt too ugly to leave the house.
I’m still not sure what implications does getting suspended have…I mean do I get to take a make-up exam or is it game over for me?

Anyways, I still haven’t told my parents. I'm waiting for the right time maybe, since they’ll probably abandon me. But I’m too sad for myself to even think about them….I just realized that I can’t live a normal life, I can’t dream big…I think I’m going to fail at everything I do as I can’t seem to be able to get rid of my mental illness.

I’m at a loss here..IDK what to do or where to go from here on

 

[dead24]

I just realized that I can’t live a normal life, I can’t dream big…I think I’m going to fail at everything I do as I can’t seem to be able to get rid of my mental illness.

ME TOO

 

[market.garden]

Go and speak to your tutor and explain what's going on. I don't mean go into any major detail, but maybe just say you've been having a really tough time and everything has gotten a little too much lately. They may cut you some slack and give you advice on how you can proceed with your studies.

And having big dreams is good. It gives you something to aspire to, and maybe down the road it'll be the driving force behind pulling yourself out of this.

 

[meatcake]

yeah, i think it would be good to talk to someone at the school about it - otherwise they might think you're just skipping classes because you just don't care. they're usually pretty sympathetic if you have problems with anxiety, and i get the impression it's pretty common in college.

and don't think it's the end - i dropped out of college the first time around due to anxiety (yeah, i felt too ugly to go out also), but my life was definitely not over. i hope you can find help - colleges often have counseling centers also.

 

[chin ho]

They’ll never understand and I’m only going to make a fool out of myself. MAYBE there’s this slight possibility (<5%) that they will reconsider but I’m not sure If I want to go for it!!::
I’ve been in the wrong place from the beginning; I’m here in dental school just so that my parents can finally be proud of their ugly son. Not only I hate dental school with a passion but I also have SAD… can you image how it’s like to be in dental school while feeling ugly and depressed most of the time??

I want a new start…u know? I want to do things right this time.
I guess I'll just have to wait and see what are my options now

 

[meatcake]

i can sympathize - i also felt like i was in college for my parents, not myself. i felt a lot of resentment about it, which made everything 10 times harder than it actually was. after i dropped out, i saw a therapist, and they started pressuring me to go back to school. but i wound up trying to kill myself because really i wanted to be dead rather than do that. they relented, and i was able to just do cbt, and get temp jobs and get an apartment and be independent eventually. i was much happier doing that.

it was about 10 years before i actually wanted to go back to college - it was so much better when i was doing it for myself. i don't think i'm a really selfish person, i just always had a lot of conflict with my dad, who was always trying to control me, and ignoring my pov entirely.

 

[klytus]

Why would you study something you aren't interested in? Choose a subject you are passionate for. That eases the daily journey to the classes immensely.

 

[Anubis]

They’ll never understand and I’m only going to make a fool out of myself. MAYBE there’s this slight possibility (<5%) that they will reconsider but I’m not sure If I want to go for it!!::
I’ve been in the wrong place from the beginning; I’m here in dental school just so that my parents can finally be proud of their ugly son. Not only I hate dental school with a passion but I also have SAD… can you image how it’s like to be in dental school while feeling ugly and depressed most of the time??

I want a new start…u know? I want to do things right this time.
I guess I'll just have to wait and see what are my options now

Go to your student counselor immediately. Ask for a "leave of absence for 1-2 years" due to severe anxiety and/or medical complications. They will give it to you - even in pre-professional programs. (I've done the same thing). Then use those 1-2 years to re-discover yourself. You won't regret the decision.

You've been forced to do things by your parents for 16+ years, so you need a year to yourself. Then once you're done you can decide if you want to pursue dentistry.

 

[Lunarsoldier]

Can't you speak to a college councellor or therapist, if your school has one? If so then get in touch with him/her and arrange a time to go and tell your feelings. Maybe that way the councellor will talk to your teachers about why you skipped classes. You could also discuss this in a private meeting with your teacher? As for your parents just say that you've been under stress and felt unable to do class. Do they know you have SA?

 

[market.garden]

I’ve been in the wrong place from the beginning; I’m here in dental school just so that my parents can finally be proud of their ugly son. Not only I hate dental school with a passion but I also have SAD… can you image how it’s like to be in dental school while feeling ugly and depressed most of the time??

I want a new start…u know? I want to do things right this time.
I guess I'll just have to wait and see what are my options now

That says a lot then. You're never going to get out of this if your daily routine revolves around something you hate and have no interest in. And making your parents proud is one thing, but there has to be a cut off point where you do things that make you happy.

I think you might be surprised at what the tutors say, and if I were in your situation, I would tell them I don't like the school/subject. See an adviser or someone who can help you set out a plan for doing what you want to do.

And its great you actually have the feeling and desire for a new start, that's a positive you should focus on.

 

[JCS008]

I think the best thing is to try to change your major while you still can and are in school. I'm sure your parents may be upset at first, but in the long run they'll eventually understand. It's just a matter of getting through the first few uncomfortable months after you change majors.

But in the long run, if you switch now, you'll at least be doing a major you enjoy. It's better to do it now when you have the chance rather than a few years down the road when its a lot harder for you to go back to school.

 

[Noca]

Go to your college's disability office and explain why you were missing the classes(due to your SA??).

 

[Anubis]

Just as a clarification, this doesn't seem to be an undergraduate college where he can just switch majors. If he's already in dentist school, then he already has an undergrduate degree. Right now, he's presumably working to get a DDS to practice dentistry. Which is basically like getting a undergraduate degree but on steroids. It can be extremely overwhelming if you 1) have SA and 2) discover that you don't actually like dentistry. It's also harder to admit that you're overwhelmed because everyone expects a lot out of you.

 

[sorrow1]

ive been in the posision you are in so i kinda understand what your going through. I think you gotta just do whats gonna make you happy. If you hate dental practise then dont do it and do something you enjoy doing instead. Your parents should respect your decision if its not what you wanna do.

I went to university because it was what my parents expected me to do and they forced me into it. I didnt want to go but at the time I was too afraid to tell them it was not what i wanted. I ended up doing a course i hated just to please them. I got deppressed and dropped out. My uni actually rang my parents to ask why i was not attending lectures which was a suprise to them! I just wish i had told them earlier it was not what i wanted and stood my ground then i wouldnt be in the mess im in.

Im much happier now that ive finished uni but i still wish i had done an apprenteship or something that i would enjoy doing instead of being left with this debt and a crap job that i hate. Im ashamed for decieving my parents and taking their money but im also angry that they could not be proud of me for choosing my own course rather than their expected goals in life.

I believe your life is yours to make as you want it (otherwise whats the point) and i have realised too late in life that it matters not what other people think of what you do. A parents pride is a selfsh thing indeed.

take some time to really assess what you want and try and go for it.