My life is a waste and lonely!

[misternobody]

I am new here to posting but have been reading here for some time and, I must say it is good to know I am not alone in how I feel.

I am 45 and,I am a total nobody, am so alone always and have no friends and have always been made fun of . Made fun of in school, in jobs and even when I go to the store and let me tell you, when you are made fun of, it ruins your day and days that come because allI do is think of what this or that person said and stuff.

And why is it that its always everyone else who is a real somebody and they have tons and tons of friends and are always wanted and are so well liked?

For me, its like I have-bad-luck always with me and things just never go good for me and life is just always the same boring thing day after day, week after week, month after month and year after year .

I am alone in everything and, I always wish I could have friends,people who are sincere and real and accept me. People in this life are so very hurtful and cruel. I am ignored allways,as if I am not alive.

So, in my case, it does not matter if I am living or dead, I would not be missed at all as I serve nor purpose at all, its like I am a total waste and,I truly believe I am.

I hardly go out as I am always so nervous and uncomfortable where people are. This all comes from being made fun of I know and, its like when I go out, I also, for some reason must appear real nervous and look as if I am going to steal.I know others of you here also have said this same thing and, just because we are nervous when out ,people think we will steal. So, like when in the store, even old ladies or younger ones,when they see you walking closer to where they are, they then grab their purse and, this really makes me feel awful. And then also, even when I am looking at something in the stores, and that is mainly DVDs, the stupid workers will make some stupid excuse to go right close to where I am and act like they are doing something, but are really keeping an eye on me and, this makes me not want to buy anything and I get all uncomfortable and stuff.

And then when I go to leave a store without buying, then I feel all nervous as if they all think I have stole something.

I am a very honest person and everything but, I just have this look to me cause I am nervous and have anxiety problems and all and so, they think I am stealing

Why is it nothing can ever go good for me? Its always these very nervous and uncomfortable things for me always and, I am so sick of my life always and forever being the way it is.

If only people could be kind and friendly . it seems to be that there are way more mean and hurtful people out there then there are friendly and kind ones.

It seems that no matter where I go, I end up with the hurtful unkind people

I am sure there are many others here who are the very same way I am and feel the same way.

And oh, I always never have had a girlfriend, and, its always been just a one way thing where I like a girl but of course the girl does not like me or even know I am alive. I tell you,I relate so much to Charlie Brown in so many ways or is it he relates to me? I could be his double because like him, I always have the bad luck and all things bad.

I wish I had a girlfriend and one who had things in common with me but, that aint ever gonna happen. I figure at this point in my life, since I never had one, I won't ever. I am not a people person at all and I am sure you can understand why. When you are hurt so much by people in your life, you do not want anything to do with them. Being alone is so lonely but,at least I can be comfortable and not nervous and everything but, when I do go out to the store, I am nervous and uncomfortable and, I have to say again I HATE how those in the store think I am going to steal. What am I supposed to do, go in the store with a smile on my face the whole time so I maybe would not look all nervous and stuff? I wouldjust look real stupid with this smile on my face and so that would not help. Why is it I cannot be accepted? WHY is it always everyone else that is but not me??

And oh, those in the family, yes they all are somebodys, they are married and have kids and their kids are somebodys who have jobs and kids and all and they are total somebodies and have friends.

WHY IS IT ALWAYS EVERYONE ELSE WHO ARE THE ONES WHO ARE REAL SOMEBODYS?!!!

Also, when going out to the stores, people always have someone with them, while I am always alone

This life I have sucks so much and many times I have thought of ending it all but I am too chicken.

This boring life I have is like watching the same movie over and over and over again, its just the same boring and depressing thing over and over and over.

And also, all I look forward to Monday thru Saturday is the mail, and I have been this way since I was a teen and, all I ever do is get disapointed as I never get anything and this is because its like I do not exist and when you do not exist, of course NOTHING ever happens for you or comes.

So, each day when the mail comes, all that will come is the stupid junk and I rip it up real good and swear because I get so mad that I never get anything and of course, what could I ever get? NOTHING when you are a nobody.

Does anyone here wish as I do that, our lives were opposite so that then, we would be somebodys, have tons of friends, be wanted, people liked us and never made fun of us? God I have wished this for years and years. I about cry (I am very sensitive and emotional) when I see so many people who are all happy and have kids and so well liked and everything cause I wish that was me.

Again I must ask: WHY IS IT ALWAYS EVERYONE ELSE WHO HAS THE GOOD LIFE AND ALL THINGS GO GOOD FOR THEM AND ARE POPULAR AND SO WELL LIKED??!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And also why is it when in the stores, all others shopping ,none of the workers seem to look at them and go near them thinking they will steal? WHY is it just always me it seems they are watching?!!!!

I tell you, I cannot take anymore of this rotten life I have, I just wanna get out of this life so much. Whats the point of living when its always this same thing all the time?!!

But anyways, I just wanted to talk of all this and,I am sure there are some of you reading this who will I am sure feel the same exact way I do and,perhaps you are my double. I always wish I could know others who are like me in all this.

Thanks for reading my words.

MisterNobody

 

[Richey]

You need to find a purpose to keep going, and it doesnt have to be based on ONLY your feeling of loneliness and not having people around you thus giving you a reason to live, for instance your hobbies or a career purpose, develop interests for you, not for trying to look cool to show off, which alot of people adhere to, they react to society like sheep, they wear the same clothes, watch the same films, go to the same take away food outlets, follow whats in fashion, thats not thinking for themselves is it? no way ..

start marching to the beat of your own drum and people will want to talk to you because they'll know your confident in yourself ...

simply get out and about more too, and exercise often ...

this will help you out dramatically. ..

experiment and stay positive, dont fear rejection, its all you can do and it'll be painful ..but isnt being immobile from SA painful enough? which pain would you rather feel? ever burnt yourself with a hot iron? its searing pain right? ...experiment with pain, does pain from a hot oven differ from being hit over the head with bowling pin? ......

there are pleasurable and unpleasurable pains and you can equate this to interacting with people, sometimes awkwardness can be painful ..

a new world record in the amount times a person says "pain" in a sentence i ask you? well, indeed.

 

[bimbo45]

I am new here to posting but have been reading here for some time and, I must say it is good to know I am not alone in how I feel.

I am 45 and,I am a total nobody, am so alone always and have no friends and have always been made fun of . Made fun of in school, in jobs and even when I go to the store and let me tell you, when you are made fun of, it ruins your day and days that come because allI do is think of what this or that person said and stuff.

And why is it that its always everyone else who is a real somebody and they have tons and tons of friends and are always wanted and are so well liked?

For me, its like I have-bad-luck always with me and things just never go good for me and life is just always the same boring thing day after day, week after week, month after month and year after year .

I am alone in everything and, I always wish I could have friends,people who are sincere and real and accept me. People in this life are so very hurtful and cruel. I am ignored allways,as if I am not alive.

So, in my case, it does not matter if I am living or dead, I would not be missed at all as I serve nor purpose at all, its like I am a total waste and,I truly believe I am.

I hardly go out as I am always so nervous and uncomfortable where people are. This all comes from being made fun of I know and, its like when I go out, I also, for some reason must appear real nervous and look as if I am going to steal.I know others of you here also have said this same thing and, just because we are nervous when out ,people think we will steal. So, like when in the store, even old ladies or younger ones,when they see you walking closer to where they are, they then grab their purse and, this really makes me feel awful. And then also, even when I am looking at something in the stores, and that is mainly DVDs, the stupid workers will make some stupid excuse to go right close to where I am and act like they are doing something, but are really keeping an eye on me and, this makes me not want to buy anything and I get all uncomfortable and stuff.

And then when I go to leave a store without buying, then I feel all nervous as if they all think I have stole something.

I am a very honest person and everything but, I just have this look to me cause I am nervous and have anxiety problems and all and so, they think I am stealing

Why is it nothing can ever go good for me? Its always these very nervous and uncomfortable things for me always and, I am so sick of my life always and forever being the way it is.

If only people could be kind and friendly . it seems to be that there are way more mean and hurtful people out there then there are friendly and kind ones.

It seems that no matter where I go, I end up with the hurtful unkind people

I am sure there are many others here who are the very same way I am and feel the same way.

And oh, I always never have had a girlfriend, and, its always been just a one way thing where I like a girl but of course the girl does not like me or even know I am alive. I tell you,I relate so much to Charlie Brown in so many ways or is it he relates to me? I could be his double because like him, I always have the bad luck and all things bad.

I wish I had a girlfriend and one who had things in common with me but, that aint ever gonna happen. I figure at this point in my life, since I never had one, I won't ever. I am not a people person at all and I am sure you can understand why. When you are hurt so much by people in your life, you do not want anything to do with them. Being alone is so lonely but,at least I can be comfortable and not nervous and everything but, when I do go out to the store, I am nervous and uncomfortable and, I have to say again I HATE how those in the store think I am going to steal. What am I supposed to do, go in the store with a smile on my face the whole time so I maybe would not look all nervous and stuff? I wouldjust look real stupid with this smile on my face and so that would not help. Why is it I cannot be accepted? WHY is it always everyone else that is but not me??

And oh, those in the family, yes they all are somebodys, they are married and have kids and their kids are somebodys who have jobs and kids and all and they are total somebodies and have friends.

WHY IS IT ALWAYS EVERYONE ELSE WHO ARE THE ONES WHO ARE REAL SOMEBODYS?!!!

Also, when going out to the stores, people always have someone with them, while I am always alone

This life I have sucks so much and many times I have thought of ending it all but I am too chicken.

This boring life I have is like watching the same movie over and over and over again, its just the same boring and depressing thing over and over and over.

And also, all I look forward to Monday thru Saturday is the mail, and I have been this way since I was a teen and, all I ever do is get disapointed as I never get anything and this is because its like I do not exist and when you do not exist, of course NOTHING ever happens for you or comes.

So, each day when the mail comes, all that will come is the stupid junk and I rip it up real good and swear because I get so mad that I never get anything and of course, what could I ever get? NOTHING when you are a nobody.

Does anyone here wish as I do that, our lives were opposite so that then, we would be somebodys, have tons of friends, be wanted, people liked us and never made fun of us? God I have wished this for years and years. I about cry (I am very sensitive and emotional) when I see so many people who are all happy and have kids and so well liked and everything cause I wish that was me.

Again I must ask: WHY IS IT ALWAYS EVERYONE ELSE WHO HAS THE GOOD LIFE AND ALL THINGS GO GOOD FOR THEM AND ARE POPULAR AND SO WELL LIKED??!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And also why is it when in the stores, all others shopping ,none of the workers seem to look at them and go near them thinking they will steal? WHY is it just always me it seems they are watching?!!!!

I tell you, I cannot take anymore of this rotten life I have, I just wanna get out of this life so much. Whats the point of living when its always this same thing all the time?!!

But anyways, I just wanted to talk of all this and,I am sure there are some of you reading this who will I am sure feel the same exact way I do and,perhaps you are my double. I always wish I could know others who are like me in all this.

Thanks for reading my words.

MisterNobody

Exactly how i feel and i am 48 and useless

 

[SocialRetahd]

If I were 45 and still the way I am, I would be angry not sad. I sort of envy older people (60's 70's) because their life is almost over and no longer has to get kicked around by this superficial world.

 

[whocares]

YOU ARE DOING IT COMPLETELY WRONG!! You have a completely distorted vision of reality and that self commiseration won't get you nowhere either. First you say you're completely invisible, then you say everybody looks at you when you go shopping, how realistic is this?

First, recognize that your perception of reality is biased by AS;
Second, fuel some self esteem and assertiveness;

Then we can talk about changing life.

 

[Depressed4life]

..

First i would like to say...WELCOME. I understand how you feel, i am 16 years old and i feel the same way. I am a senior in HS and nobody knows me, people easily forget who i am and don't take me seriously. I never fit in with anybody...NEVER. Not in elementary school(when i developed SAD), not in junior high and definately not in HIGH SCHOOL. I always wanted to fit in, have a lot of friends, cool clothes and have a GOOD LIFE. I could had good clothes but my father is pretty cheap(long story) although he has enough money so that my family and i could had been living LARGER THAN LIFE...but he is an A$$Hole. I feel like my life is completely wasted because there was so many things i wanted to accomplish when i was younger and now is too late. I am just ready and waiting to d i e, i don't want to live anymore because to me life has no purpose....NONE. I will always hold a grudge agaisnt my mother for giving everything to her grandkids,brothers,sisters and her 3 daughters that are abroad. I will always hold a grudge against my dad for giving me this horrible life and for not being a good father. I am really sorry that you feel the way you do, I really hope everything gets better. If we could had traded life, i would have trade it with you so that you can be 16 and start all over. . I am sorry if my post is so negative but i had to let that out. Plus i am a very very negative person...LIFE made me this way.

 

[creep_x]

Mrnobody, i just sincerely wish i cud do somethiing for u. But if i cud, i wud also hav done it for myself, wudnt i? Maybe u shud see a doc? maybe go to a dating agency? i think scyth made a vlid point when he said that u shud try to meet SA ppl from ur area. They will surely understand u. Maybe u can also try to find a hobby?

 

[creep_x]

& u just can't let ppl make fun of u. U gotta fight them back. The more u remain silent, the more they'll keep on doing it. U just don't have any other choice but to stand up for urself.

 

[miss_amy]

You are not a nobody and I'll be your friend. Your post is so sad and I'd give you a big hug if I could. You'll have to make do with a virtual one (((big hug))) I'm not quite as isolated as you but I really do understand where you are coming from and a lot of what you say. Even though I do have a partner and kids I still feel useless and like I don't deserve them.

Stay with us and chat and vent. It helps.

 

[Kien]

@misternobody
Admit that you very often think about killing all good well having people around you. Or you want them to suffer as much as you do + as much as you already have. I can tell that I do time to time, and I think this is quite common for people like us. I see myself, stabbing pretty military knives in the hearts of people, cutting their head of with battle axe, shooting them with automatic grenade launcher or seeing a spinning buzzsaw blade fly through the air like a bullet and slicing peoples' head off.

 

[whocares]

YOU ARE DOING IT COMPLETELY WRONG!! You have a completely distorted vision of reality and that self commiseration won't get you nowhere either. First you say you're completely invisible, then you say everybody looks at you when you go shopping, how realistic is this?

First, recognize that your perception of reality is biased by AS;
Second, fuel some self esteem and assertiveness;

Then we can talk about changing life.

1, Your a cock
2, Your a cock
3, Who are you to tell him he's doing it wrong? He's been doing this for 45 years. You talk like building your self esteem is easy. When life kicks you that many times in the teeth I can imagine its extremely hard to recover from it.

1, From my perspective, we're all doing it wrong. Except some are more aware than others.
2, I didn't say it is easy to build self esteem.
3, Who am I? No one. My opinion is worth the value one grants to it. Just like yours.

 

[whocares]

@misternobody
Admit that you very think about killing all good well having people around you. Or you want them to suffer as much as you do + as much as you already have. I can tell that I do, and I think this is quite common for people like us. I see myself, stabbing pretty military knives in the hearts of people, cutting their head of with battle axe, shoot them auotmatic grenade launcher or see a spinning buzzsaw blade fly through the air like a bullet slicing peoples' head off.

I feel amused and at the same time worried. Should I feel worried? :lol:

 

[Kien]

@misternobody
Admit that you very think about killing all good well having people around you. Or you want them to suffer as much as you do + as much as you already have. I can tell that I do, and I think this is quite common for people like us. I see myself, stabbing pretty military knives in the hearts of people, cutting their head of with battle axe, shoot them auotmatic grenade launcher or see a spinning buzzsaw blade fly through the air like a bullet slicing peoples' head off.

I feel amused and at the same time worried. Should I feel worried? :lol:

You should not feel amused. Getting thoughts about killing people is not something one should be amused for.

 

[creep_x]

Maybe u have been playing too much videogames ..kidding

@misternobody
Admit that you very often think about killing all good well having people around you. Or you want them to suffer as much as you do + as much as you already have. I can tell that I do time to time, and I think this is quite common for people like us. I see myself, stabbing pretty military knives in the hearts of people, cutting their head of with battle axe, shooting them with automatic grenade launcher or seeing a spinning buzzsaw blade fly through the air like a bullet and slicing peoples' head off.

 

[Kien]

Nope, but I play alot. I have a big interrest in weapons. May it be battle axes, modern knives, carbines, aircraft mounted gattling cannons, white phoshporus grenades or prototype railguns.

Seriously I feel that I'm sick in my head when I get these thoughts. :<

 

[theman]

Hey Mr. Nobody - Been there myself. It is horrible. You obviously have an excruciating life right now. You summarized it really well. You seem very in-touch with your feelings about your situation, and you make your thoughts very clear. A lot of people in your spot are in denial and don't see it as clearly as you do.

I actually feel a lot of optimism in your post. While things seem bad now, it usually takes a person to hit rock bottom before they really take the action it takes to change their situation. You seem pretty near there.

You say that the mail is the only thing you look forward to. What else?

And I like the person who pointed out the fact that you feel invisible yet you feel like people notice you in a negative way. Its important to realize that your reasoning is not making complete sense right now and that there may be some other discrepancies in your logic.

I can already spot another discrepancy...

...when adults are creeped out by someone or don't like someone, they almost always simply AVOID that person.

...when adults like someone or want to like someone they almost always act really friendly, smile a lot, laugh a lot, make jokes, or MAKE FUN OF that person.

You said you get made fun of a lot.

Did you know that the act of making fun of someone is actually a preamble to creating a relationship? A lot of people don't realize this. MAKING FUN OF someone is actually a basic component to FLIRTING.

You might have more admirers than you think - you might just need to learn how to interpret the signals they are sending you...

 

[kaspersrad]

the way i build my self esteem is first by faking it. pretending like i'm a confident person and forcing myself to not care about what others think of me. honestly if you think about it ... why do we care so much??? if you don't have confidence, fake it. at least once to see what it's like. after awhile you start believing it, and its great!

to help myself become a more optomistic/happy person, i write 5 things that im grateful for everyday. its hard at first and seems pointless, but if you dedicate yourself to it ... make it part of your morning rutine or something, you train your mind to think positively. Its TRUE! its like a workout for the brain.

of course its hard, but its not impossible. changing the way your mind is wired takes years but you have to start somewhere - and that's definitely where the problem is. if you think you're nobody than you will be = self fufilling prophecy. The mind is a powerful tool, you can control your own life - its just a matter of realizing it TAKES TIME and ISN'T easy. you either sink or swim and only you can change yourself. (I don't mean to sound like a crazy motivational speaker, but this stuff works for me.)