My life feels like a failure :(

#1
Hi everyone,

I'm new here . I'm Joshua, 25 years old and live in The Netherlands.
I'm here because I have severe social anxiety. I have a lot of things I'm afraid of and I'm hoping I will have a better future.

I have no real friends - Only ancquitances (sorry for the spelling mistake).
I don't have a girlfriend - I used to have though, but we didn't work out.
I feel isolated - And I have no idea what to do.

I really feel like my life is a failure. I look at others and they have settled with a lover, maybe even kids, they have studied and have jobs and so on.

I couldn't finish any school, so I have no certificates. I also have no driver license and I am afraid I'll die alone, with no girlfriend. I really long to being close to someone, romantic wise. And I am afraid i won't have a true friend ever.. I used to, but people got tired of me being a social phobic and stuff.
They don't hate me, they just couldn't cope with me.

My mom tells me - You had girlfriends before and friends. But now i'm all alone and afraid...

Hope someone can help me give tips?

Thank you..
 

Sacrament

Well-known member
#2
Take small steps towards being less and less anxious. Anxious to go shopping? By just one thing, then a couple more the next time, etc. Anxious about going to the park because there's a lot of happy people there? Go a little later than most people, then start going slightly earlier each time. Take up a hobby that'll make you go here and there, like photography. Practice saying hi to people here and there, like at the bus stop, at the grocery store, and so on.

Look up things you can do in your area in terms of volunteer work. Helping the elderly, walking dogs, things like that.

Above all, keep in mind that the actions of confidence come first (such as doing those things), and the actual feeling of confidence comes after, and it'll help you keep making progress.

I also recommend physical activity and meditation, as they help a lot. Go for a run or for a long walk each day, and lift some weights while you're at home watching your favorite TV show or just youtube videos.
 

grapevine

Well-known member
#3
Your self-identity doesn't have to be about what you lack. It can be made up of what you have and what you will achieve too.

Do you want to finish school, get a girlfriend, study something, get your drivers license etc?

Everyone is on different times in their life esp with illness. Social phobia can hault your life for a while - I know because Id been like that for from age 17 to 30. But my life is so much better now and Im 35. In those years I learnt so much and I battled my way through my low feelings about myself and embarrassment. I worked out that Im actually better off than alot of other people - I mean there are people that are just not self-aware at all. Many people that are impaired and hooligans and so on. Youre not one of the. And sure, people have what you may want. But that means you know where you want to go a little.

Id start with the basics first. What could surge your self -esteem right now? Something that you can do to make you feel good about yourself that is not too difficult?
For me it was a makeover and getting fit and getting my drivers liscence. Just working on those things. You dont have to be social straight away. You can happily work on the things that you want. That will make you feel good about yourself.
 

lily

Well-known member
#4
Mine does too for now but I've got plans. I'm really afraid though but i have to count on God to be my shield and savior. i want a b/friend right now but i have to work on my anxiety first.::(:
 

lily

Well-known member
#5
I'm hoping you'll have a better future too Yoshua, i know how it feels to have anxiety and you're not alone!
 
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