My last and only chance to be normal. I'm so desperate.

S

SadSally

Well-known member
I'm 19 and I desperately want to be on a TV show with an ensemble cast. I've don't have a single friend in the world and am very isolated. I dropped out of college six months ago and only leave my bedroom one a week to go to the grocery store. All through school I never had a group of friends but I told myself it would be okay because one day I could be part of an ensemble TV cast, then that would kind of make up for all the teenage years I missed out on.
Shows with a close group of friends are what I'm talking about, like Pretty little liars, Big Ban Theory and so on. I know these friendships are not real but I need to be a part of something. I don't want to be on those shows. I want to create my own. I have written a pilot and now I'm looking for an agent. I know it is very unrealistic that it will happen but I feel like if my plans don't work out I have no point in living. I'm not actively suicidal but I wouldn't mind not waking up. I'd never kill myself because it would hurt my family.
I've pretty much deluded myself into thinking I'll be a success but over time my hope just fades. Also, I'm planning on finding a literary agent for my novel this week. I'm afraid I won't be able to do it. What if I don't get published? What if my writing isn't good enough? I have no other skills.
I didn't try hard in school. I don't have a degree. I don't have a job.
I feel like I'm running out of time.
What do I do?
 
AlienGeranium

AlienGeranium

Well-known member
I think those are some great aspirations. Being a writer is hard, but if it's something you love then you should try to make it happen. I wouldn't count yourself out so soon if things don't work out on your first try though! Getting published or a show picked up may take time, a lot of it, and hard work on your part to improve and make your product better. Most writers out there aren't 19 and fresh out of high school, they'd been working a long time to master the art.

It also seems to me you have another goal mixed in with these, and that is to be "normal" or to fit in with a group or have friends. To accomplish this, there's other things you can do I think. Little things to push yourself out of your comfort zone. Like writing a book, it doesn't all happen at once. You write it page by page, and after a while you have a chapter, and another, and another until you have your book. If you take that same approach to working on yourself, you could accomplish amazing things. Try joining a club or a group, I know throughout high school one of the places I felt I fit in was at my boy scout meetings. Maybe there's a writing group or book club in your area? Just consider all your options, you might have more than you think :)
 
Sacrament

Sacrament

Well-known member
If that's what you really want, then really study up on it, and make sure you create something that hasn't already been done a million times. Then, try to submit it to networks and whatnot. It's unlikely, but who am I to say you're not absolutely brilliant as a writer?

However, if you're depending on that to get friends, the odds are pretty low. You'd be better off doing volunteer work and meet nice people you can mingle with.
 
SpaceTime

SpaceTime

Well-known member
From where I stand 19 is young and you've got pretty much a whole life ahead of you. Where there's a will there's a way. You might need to multi task a little to bring in income whilst writing or something, but that's do-able and many have trodden that path, just takes determination and belief.

I do think it would be a good idea though to separate out your career ambitions from your social ambitions. That way if one strand goes wrong the other is still ok. As AlienGeranium suggests, try to find ways to open yourself up to social activities in areas of interest to you. Separately follow up your career ambitions. If something in your career doesn't work out you can swap it for something else whilst keeping the social strand going, or vice-versa. Basically - don't put all your eggs in one basket.
 
kihira

kihira

1
My last and only chance to be normal
Maybe loosen your hold on the ideas that being normal must mean having a group of friends and that at 19 its your last chance? You have ample time from now to continue learning new skills, improving those you have, and chances to make friends along the way. Pick yourself up and get back on track with study or work or both, and start getting back out into the world. :thumbup:
 
Deus_Ex_Lemur

Deus_Ex_Lemur

Well-known member
Please don't take this callous or condescending because I had the same aspirations at then 19. I am and still am trying to be a writer in film/TV. And have worked on stuff as crew/acting.

But - you're 19! I'm 29. Not to discourage - because you're still 19. But you have SO MUCH time especially as a writer. Writing takes talent yes but also experience and dedication. Very few ppl at your age get novels published let alone a pilot for a TV show - you cannot think if you don't get your first attempts published that defines the rest of your life because it's rare that happens. Yes, you can counter with plenty of examples that do but for each of those multiply those that do not BUT eventually will.

You are active to find a literary agent at 19 that's better then I did then. I was late in everything.

ANYWAYS - from a writer and still aspiring I am sure I can make you depressed lol but I've also had my issues keeping me from doing more; LITERALLY - I could have written your exact words at 19.

I don't mean to be condescending saying that like being that young disqualifies your feelings because from your view you don't feel that way - but you have time :) You're still figuring stuff out and there IS NOT a quick fix or claim to success OR friends!

Inside scoop I've done film work for "TV ensemble" stuff it will not be what you're looking for YES, there are those that for years are together and form strong bonds. You still have college - so many chances to find a group of friends you will fit in with - you CANNOT put eggs in one basket and be that absolute that "it's your only chance" like it will only happen if it's on a TV ensemble or you get something published and that's the key to all your hopes and dreams. Because that puts unrealistic expectations and wrong reasoning on those goals you will NEVER meet them even IF you get what you THINK you want with it :)

The vast majority of your favorite writers or authors have had their rejections and failures. It is learning and moving forward and not giving in.

Anyways I completely understand those thoughts and feelings won't magically disappear just know it's NOT the end of the world :)
 
Sacrament

Sacrament

Well-known member
She's not really striving to 'be normal' per se, she just wants to have friends and a regular life like other people do. She can do those things and still be unique.
 
S

SadSally

Well-known member
Exactly, I don't want fame, I just want friends. But my current situation, I am trapped in a dead end town and becoming a celebrity is the only way to fix it.
 
Sacrament

Sacrament

Well-known member
Going from a dead end town where you don't socialize at all to being a celebrity is like going from 0 to 200 miles an hour, I'm not sure you fully understand what it implies.
 
SpaceTime

SpaceTime

Well-known member
SadSally said:
I don't want fame, I just want friends.... I am trapped in a dead end town and becoming a celebrity is the only way to fix it.
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I don't really follow the logic, why is becoming a celebrity the only way to fix living in a boring town? Why can't you just move town for example? That's a much more achievable target surely?

And if you don't want fame but want friends then make that your goal. Making some new friends is a much, much easier thing to achieve than becoming a star.
 
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