Sorry for the long post, I just really have nobody to speak to at all.
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I don't remember when I haven't been like this. I'm 18 and been like this forever. I'm very depressed from when I wake up to when I sleep. I never have anyone to talk to about this, ever. I usually hide how I'm feeling, most of the times I can't help but hide it. Nobody knows how I feel, like I said I usually, most of times, hide it. It's either over nothing I'm depressed or the smallest thing.
The most recent case was when the girl I asked out said no. She was nice about it and all which made it hurt very less. I was still happy with myself for the short day it was but since then, I don't know (been a month). I seen her today, I still have a huge crush on her, and it just hurt when I seen her smile. Then I heard her laugh which killed me inside.
My parents bug me all the time about not having a job which ends most of the time in a fight, a very big fight. A lot of times I can't handle the depression and 2/3 of times I get suicidal. Few attempts made but, I don't know. I still am like this, self-harmed a few times. I've never told anybody that before.
I hate myself more than I hate anything or anyone. I hate every single thing about me, literally, not one thing that I like. I was confident the day I asked that girl out and still was after she said no. But like I said, after the small time of being happy, the next day, I hated myself even more for failing so much.
I really don't have any friends, well at least none that I trust, at all.
I've never felt loved, not that I can remember at least. I don't really love anyone either. I've accepted and dealt with the fact that I'm always going to be alone and unloved and most likely die alone aswell. I really don't want to live anymore. I'd honestly rather die than live a long life more alone than I am right now.
Sometimes I get so depressed to the point I feel sick. I hate it. A lot of times I get depressed then I get really pissed to the point I wanna fight somebody and yell and just break things. I really don't have a point in life or see a purpose. I just want all my pain to end.
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I don't remember when I haven't been like this. I'm 18 and been like this forever. I'm very depressed from when I wake up to when I sleep. I never have anyone to talk to about this, ever. I usually hide how I'm feeling, most of the times I can't help but hide it. Nobody knows how I feel, like I said I usually, most of times, hide it. It's either over nothing I'm depressed or the smallest thing.
The most recent case was when the girl I asked out said no. She was nice about it and all which made it hurt very less. I was still happy with myself for the short day it was but since then, I don't know (been a month). I seen her today, I still have a huge crush on her, and it just hurt when I seen her smile. Then I heard her laugh which killed me inside.
My parents bug me all the time about not having a job which ends most of the time in a fight, a very big fight. A lot of times I can't handle the depression and 2/3 of times I get suicidal. Few attempts made but, I don't know. I still am like this, self-harmed a few times. I've never told anybody that before.
I hate myself more than I hate anything or anyone. I hate every single thing about me, literally, not one thing that I like. I was confident the day I asked that girl out and still was after she said no. But like I said, after the small time of being happy, the next day, I hated myself even more for failing so much.
I really don't have any friends, well at least none that I trust, at all.
I've never felt loved, not that I can remember at least. I don't really love anyone either. I've accepted and dealt with the fact that I'm always going to be alone and unloved and most likely die alone aswell. I really don't want to live anymore. I'd honestly rather die than live a long life more alone than I am right now.
Sometimes I get so depressed to the point I feel sick. I hate it. A lot of times I get depressed then I get really pissed to the point I wanna fight somebody and yell and just break things. I really don't have a point in life or see a purpose. I just want all my pain to end.
