ljwwriter
Well-known member
The relationship between my Dad and me has been strained for the last few years because I haven't had a job due to my social anxiety. But I never realized the extent of his frustration with me until today.
I'm used to my Dad blowing his top and hounding me about getting a job as well as threatening to kick me out of the house. Most of the time I stay quiet during all of it for my own sake, but there have been times that I have actually tried to speak up for myself. I suppose I must be prone to doing so in a manner that infuriates him because usually whenever I say something he just gets angrier and the tension between us becomes thicker than it ever should be between any father and son.
Last week we actually had the first decent, non-one-sided conversation I think we've had in a year, and everything seemed like it was going to get better. But by yesterday I could already feel him becoming a bit colder and distant towards me like he is usually is.
Then today he called me into the living room for another "discussion". This one would prove to be much more one-sided than the last one, as usual. He started telling me that he had been going to therapy himself because of me, though no one else knew, and about how everyone agreed with him that he should kick me out of the house.
But what really got to me was when he admitted that during one of our arguements he had gotten so angry that he had been about to go for the gun he kept in his bedroom. He said this in such a matter of fact manner that I didn't know what to think. He told me that the gun was no longer in the house, apparently because he was afraid of what he might do. That's all well enough, but I'm still sitting here wondering how the hell he could even have thought of doing such a thing? He has a friend who went to jail for shooting his wife during one of their arguements and so I would certainly think he'd never consider doing something so insane himself.
I'm not even sure why he told me this. I think it would have been better if he'd kept it to himself. I know he's reached his wits end when it comes to me, but this little confession of his makes me see him in a whole different light. I mean I know we've had our conflicts, but I'm not even the type to ever raise my voice. I wish he were the same.
I haven't felt like I could trust him much in a long time, but after what he told me today I definitely don't. But if there's one thing I won't argue with him on it's that I need to move out of the house as soon as I can. He claims that I'm 90% of the reason he goes to therapy, but personally, after today's crazy revelation I suspect he has some demons of his own he needs to deal with and that he will have to long after I'm gone.
I'm used to my Dad blowing his top and hounding me about getting a job as well as threatening to kick me out of the house. Most of the time I stay quiet during all of it for my own sake, but there have been times that I have actually tried to speak up for myself. I suppose I must be prone to doing so in a manner that infuriates him because usually whenever I say something he just gets angrier and the tension between us becomes thicker than it ever should be between any father and son.
Last week we actually had the first decent, non-one-sided conversation I think we've had in a year, and everything seemed like it was going to get better. But by yesterday I could already feel him becoming a bit colder and distant towards me like he is usually is.
Then today he called me into the living room for another "discussion". This one would prove to be much more one-sided than the last one, as usual. He started telling me that he had been going to therapy himself because of me, though no one else knew, and about how everyone agreed with him that he should kick me out of the house.
But what really got to me was when he admitted that during one of our arguements he had gotten so angry that he had been about to go for the gun he kept in his bedroom. He said this in such a matter of fact manner that I didn't know what to think. He told me that the gun was no longer in the house, apparently because he was afraid of what he might do. That's all well enough, but I'm still sitting here wondering how the hell he could even have thought of doing such a thing? He has a friend who went to jail for shooting his wife during one of their arguements and so I would certainly think he'd never consider doing something so insane himself.
I'm not even sure why he told me this. I think it would have been better if he'd kept it to himself. I know he's reached his wits end when it comes to me, but this little confession of his makes me see him in a whole different light. I mean I know we've had our conflicts, but I'm not even the type to ever raise my voice. I wish he were the same.
I haven't felt like I could trust him much in a long time, but after what he told me today I definitely don't. But if there's one thing I won't argue with him on it's that I need to move out of the house as soon as I can. He claims that I'm 90% of the reason he goes to therapy, but personally, after today's crazy revelation I suspect he has some demons of his own he needs to deal with and that he will have to long after I'm gone.
